In Love and War
by mel5224
Summary: Stacey and Mary Anne are working at the same company during their summer from college, and have become unexpected friends. When a new guy joins the company, it threatens their friendship as well as Mary Anne’s engagement to Logan. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

In Love and War

Plot: Stacey and Mary Anne are working at the same company during their summer from college, and have become unexpected friends. When a new guy joins the company, it threatens their friendship as well as Mary Anne's engagement to Logan.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Baby-Sitter's Club. Ann M. Martin does.

A/N: I stopped reading the BSC books before Mary Anne's house burned down, so this story takes places as if those events never happened. This is my first fic so I appreciate any comments on what I might be doing wrong!

**Chapter One**

I struggle to pull on my black pants while giving another glance at my alarm clock. 7:34. I am running late. Stacey will be here in six minutes to drive us to work. I don't know why my body is not cooperating with me. I feel like I am moving in molasses.

I grab a lilac V-neck sleeveless shirt and pull it over my head. Shoes. Where are my shoes? I find them underneath my bed and put them on. I head to my full length mirror and brush my hair until it shines, hitting several snarls along the way. No time to worry about hair breakage. I've got to grab my makeup bag and finish in the car. I hear Stacey's horn outside and dash out the door.

"You're running late, aren't you?" Stacey greets me as I slide into the passenger seat.

"How'd you guess? I don't know why I didn't hear my alarm clock this morning." I pull the sun visor down and quickly apply pressed powder, blush, and matching lilac eyeshadow. I turn to Stacey. "Does it look okay?"

"Not bad for two minutes work," she says with a smile.

Stacey has a right to tease. It wasn't too long ago that I didn't put much effort into my appearance. Logan has never really minded the natural look. However since Stacey and I have become friends she's somewhat rubbed off on me. I now actually enjoy shopping. My taste is still classic and tailored, but I'm much more fashionable then I used to be. I begin to think back all the way to middle school when Logan and I first met. I remember seeing him in the hall and thinking was my favorite movie star Cam Geary. As it turned out, his real name was Logan Bruno, and he soon gained the admiration of many girls in school. I just assumed he would remain an unknown crush. Somehow, though, we got together. I know all my friends thought: Imagine that! Shy, sensitive Mary Anne Spier is the first one to have a real steady boyfriend. I never thought Logan and I would be together as long as we have, especially given some rocky moments we've encountered. But almost eight years later, here we are engaged.

"Mary Anne!" Stacey's voices shatters my thoughts.

"What?"

"I said, did you hear about the new guy that's supposed to be starting today?"

"Yeah, I heard Kate mention it, but I don't know much else." Kate Matthews is the human resources specialist at the company Stacey and I work at. IMG Construction. It's just in the outskirts of where we live, Stoneybrook, Connecticut. We both decided that we had wanted to work together, and hit a lucky break. A friend of Stacey's mom had a daughter that was deciding to go back to school, and they needed an administrative assistant immediately. She told me to go apply, which I did. I'd been here for a week when the A/P person was fired for some shady things she was doing with the cash flow. I recommended Stacey to Dan, and the rest is history. We've both been here for about a month. I think it's going to be a pretty exciting summer.

I've lived in Stoneybrook my whole life, but Stacey moved here when she was thirteen from New York City. We probably never would have become friends if it weren't for Claudia Kishi. Back when we were in middle school my old best friend Kristy Thomas had the brilliant idea to form a baby-sitting club. Claudia was the one who introduced Stacey to all of us. They had hit it off right away, mainly due to their taste in clothing. I realize now that we were mainly friends of convenience at the time. We didn't really have much in common with each other. We were just a group of girls who got together by a love of baby-sitting. The Baby-Sitters Club was an important part of my life back then, but the club slowly dissipated as we grew older and grew apart.

Claudia was interested in anything having to do with art. She eventually became interested in fashion design, and now studies at FIT in New York. Her parents were thrilled at the fact that she wanted to go to college since school was never really her thing. Kristy stayed with her lifelong interest, sports. She plays baseball at Arizona State. Her father is a true millionaire so she pretty much had her pick of schools. Stacey and I stayed local because money was tight for us, and Stacey didn't want to leave her mom alone.

"Mary Anne!" Stacey sounds impatient.

"I'm sorry Stacey. I'm totally out of it this morning."

"So I've noticed. We're here."

I look up at the big gray building and step out of the car. Even though it's only eight, I can feel the warmth of the sun. It's going to be another hot one today.

"Hey Becky!" Stacey calls to the receptionist, Becky Robertson.

"Good morning, Stacey. Good morning, Mary Anne." Becky is seventeen years old. Her dad works here as well. He's the general manager, so by default we try and be nice to Becky. She's pretty annoying, though. She was blessed with good looks, but unfortunately feels she needs to play dumb to get attention.

"I'll see you during break," Stacey tells me, as she heads upstairs to her desk. Stacey works in Accounts Payable. She's always loved math, so it's no shock that she would make it her career. She's taking classes at Stoneybrook University to become an accountant. I'm also taking classes there. I'm studying to be a teacher. I've always been told how organized and patient I am, so it seemed like a natural choice.

I head upstairs to my own desk. I work as an administrative assistant for Dan Robertson, Becky's father. He's a pretty good guy and surprisingly down-to-earth. I guess being an administrative assistant is a nice transition career for me too. I was the secretary when Stacey and I were in the Baby-Sitters Club, and she was the treasurer. I would have never thought keeping all those record books in order would come in so handy.

I find a note on my desk when I get there. It reads: _Mary Anne, Please put together a spreadsheet of all new accounts in the past three months. Include the markup percentage, total revenue, and costs associated with the sale. Have it on my desk by lunch_. I sigh. Well, at least the morning will fly by.

Twenty minutes later I'm so engrossed in my work I don't notice the shadow hover over me. "Mary Anne?" Kate says gently.

I look up and suck in my breath. There is a very good looking guy standing next to Kate.

"Mary Anne, this is Lorenzo Forelli. He's going to be working in sales. I'm introducing him to everyone."

Lorenzo has dark brown hair that's buzzed close to his head. He has light green eyes and olive toned skin. He appears to be well built, even underneath his gray suit. He can't be more than twenty-five or twenty-six.

I can feel my cheeks flush. I wish I weren't so shy sometimes. "H-Hello." I manage to stammer.

Lorenzo smiles and extends his hand. "Hello, Mary Anne. Nice to meet you."

I attempt to discreetly wipe my clammy hands on my pants before taking his hand. I hope I succeeded. If he notices, he doesn't say anything.

Kate's moved on to the next person before I can recover. I return to my work and try to regain my focus. Ten o'clock rolls around I am eager to escape to the break room to talk to Stacey. When I get there, there's already a line of people standing in front of the coffee machine. I'm glad I don't drink coffee. I find Stacey in our usual back table, eating some plain yogurt. Stacey has diabetes and has to limit her sugar intake.

I purchase a bag of Wheat Thins from the vending machine and join her. "So, did you meet the new hottie?" she asks as soon as I sit down.

I feel my cheeks flush again. "Yeah," I say, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh, I hope he's single. I would love to get to know him better." She smiles deviously. She's got the Stacey McGill twinkle in her eye. The twinkle that has zeroed in on something she wants. And when Stacey wants something, or some_one_, she usually gets it. They'd probably be flirting heavily by lunch.

"So what'd you think of him?" she asks.

"He seemed nice. He is good looking, I must admit."

"Hey watch it, future Mrs. Logan Bruno. I'll tell."

I shove her playfully. "Right. Sure you will. I didn't say I wanted to bed him. It sounds like you've got that taken care of." I'm sometimes surprised at how much bolder I've become since Stacey and I have become good friends. The things I say now would have made me blush twelve shades of red when I was younger. I'll always be shy, but I'm definitely more confident. I wish sometimes that I had Stacey's confidence. Maybe it's from growing up in New York, and leading a faster lifestyle than I did here in Stoneybrook. I used to want to roll my eyes every time she talked about how "sophisticated" she was, but in a way, she was right.

Stacey scoops out the last of her yogurt and tosses the empty container in the trash. "Well, I'm going to get back to work. I've got a ton of checks to run for Dan before lunch. Where do you want to go today? Want to go to that new sandwich shop down the street?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you at noon."

The rest of my morning goes by uneventfully. I leave the spreadsheet on Dan's desk and see a stack of checks sitting on his chair. I smile. Good. That means Stacey's ready. I walk to her desk. She's applying some mauve colored lipstick.

"Stace, we're going to lunch. It's just going to come off."

"Yes, but we're walking by sales area on the way out. I want to make a good impression." She tosses her blonde hair behind her shoulders. She's thankfully behind her "fluffy" stage, and now is a slave to her flat iron.

I manage not to roll my eyes. We head downstairs and walk past all the sales desks. Stacey flashes Lorenzo a huge smile and walks right up to his desk. "I just wanted to welcome you to IMG. I really hope you like working here. Everyone here is just so great." She bats her eyelashes. "Have a great first day."

She walks up to me trimphantly. "Always leave them wanting more," she whispers. I stifle a giggle. I look past Stacey to Lorenzo, who appears to look confused and pleased at the same time. John Martinez, another salesman, leans over and punches Lorenzo on the arm and raises his eyebrows, as if to say, "She _totally_ wants you." He'd be right.

I shake my head and follow Stacey outside. It was going to be an exciting summer, all right. In more ways than one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Stacey is bubbling with excitement on the ride home. She's not paying attention to her driving. It makes me wish my car were out of the shop so I could drive myself.

"I'm telling you, I could _feel_ the electricity with Lorenzo. I think it's safe to say that my interest is reciprocated." She apparently had managed to talk to him two more times that day. Once on her way to the bathroom, and once when she just "happened" to have a question on a sales invoice.

Stacey jerks the car suddenly to our exit. "I think I'm going to ask him to lunch tomorrow," she continues. "Do you mind?"

My eyes stay focused on the road. "Mind? Of course not," I say, trying to keep my voice light. "I hope he says yes so you can tell me all about it." _That's better_, I think.

Stacey turns onto Burnt Hill Road, and pulls up to my house. "When's your car getting out of the shop?" she asks.

"The end of this week," I tell her. "I really appreciate you giving me a ride these days."

"Oh, it's no problem. I was just thinking we could carpool more often. We could switch off. Save on gas."

"That sounds fine. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Mary Anne."

I walk to the door and unlock it. My dad is not home yet. He won't be for another couple of hours. He's been working a lot more since his divorce from Sharon. She was his high school sweetheart, and they rekindled their relationship thanks to some snooping from her daughter Dawn Schafer and I back in middle school. Things became strained when Dawn decided to move back to California. Sharon became depressed and assumed she was a horrible mother because both of her kids decided to live with their father. She took her depression and anger out on my dad, and pretty soon, it was too much to bear.

My relationship with Dawn suffered as well. She naturally sided with her mother, and the person who I once considered the sister I never had soon became a memory of what used to be. Dawn was part of the Baby-Sitters Club, too. It's funny how we were such a tight knit group of friends, who thought nothing could break us. I don't even talk to most of the former club members anymore.

I open the refrigerator and look for something to make to eat. My dad and I don't eat together anymore. He used to be so strict with me when I was younger, and dinnertime was always important. He felt we should eat a proper balanced meal at the dinner table, with polite conversation. I don't miss those days.

I pull out some veggies and Italian dressing, and decide I want to make myself a pasta salad. I set water to boil and begin chopping the vegetables for the salad.

After dinner, I head up to my room and pick up the phone. I punch in Logan's number. His mother answers. "Hi, Mrs. Bruno. Is Logan home?"

"Of course, dear. Hold on."

She puts the phone down and soon I hear Logan's warm voice come over the extension. "Hey honey," he says when he picks up the phone.

I love Logan's Southern drawl. He grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and when he first moved here, I found it absolutely dreamy. It's not as strong as it used to be, but it comes through every now and then.

"Hey sweetie," I reply.

"How was work?"

I decide not to mention Lorenzo. Not just yet. "Fine. Same old, same old."

"Yeah, same here. Mick got on my ass again today for being late."

I sigh. Logan works as a chef at Chez Maurice, this really fancy restaurant in Stoneybrook. He was a busboy at the Rosebud Café when we were younger, and soon moved onto the kitchen, making burgers and sandwiches. He took a liking to it, and decided to go to culinary school. He has this incredible talent when it comes to cooking (lucky me!), but for some reason lacks the motivation to go further.

Logan and I spend a few more minutes on the phone, say our "I love yous" and hang up. I consider calling Stacey but decide against it. I don't really need to hear her talk about Lorenzo again. What is wrong with me? Why am I being so cruel about Lorenzo? Stacey is my friend and I should be happy for her, encouraging her, instead of pretending the topic doesn't exist. I have no reason to be like this. I feel the smallest twinge of jealousy thinking about them together, and immediately stop myself. Why should I be jealous? I have Logan. Stacey can have Lorenzo. I need to be more supportive. And I will. Tomorrow morning I will throw my support behind her quest to win Lorenzo's heart.

The next day I wake up early and decide to take special care with my appearance. I choose gray slacks and a sheer baby blue button down shirt with a matching camisole underneath. I pin a front section of my hair back with bobby pins, then apply my makeup carefully, even taking the time to use mascara and eyeliner. When I'm done I look in the mirror. I look nice.

I hear Stacey's car and run outside. I stop short when I open the car door. Stacey is wearing a gray pencil skirt with white pinstripes. She has on a tight white shirt, and she's curled the ends of her hair, a nice change from her usual stick straight style. She looks fantastic. I swallow down my insecurity. "Hey Stace," I say casually. "You look great."

"Thanks so do you!" she says cheerfully. "I love that sheer shirt! Is that the one you bought at Bellairs?"

"Yeah, where did you get your outfit?"

"Express. Mom said I could treat myself for helping her put together that banquet ceremony for her work." Mrs. McGill has worked at Bellairs since they moved to Stoneybrook, and she is now the VP of operations. She has done really well there.

She pulls up to IMG and we both get out. We go inside and greet Becky. "Have you guys _seen_ that gorgeous guy in sales? Damn he's hot."

Stacey narrows her eyes. "He's too old for you, sweetie," she says in a syrupy sweet voice, as if she's looking out for Becky's well being.

Becky shoots her an evil look. "Don't patronize me," she says tightly. "I will tell Daddy that you've got your eye on the new guy and it will affect your work. He'll listen to me too. He's going to be nervous about anyone in that A/P position from now on."

Stacey is not fazed. "Go ahead," she says brightly. "Then _I_ can tell your Daddy that Todd isn't really eighteen."

Becky sets her mouth in a thin line and doesn't say anything. Even though she will be eighteen in a few months, she knows her father would disapprove of her dating a twenty-one year old. He would cry statutory and have Todd's butt in jail. Stacey knew exactly what to say that would strike a nerve.

Stacey smiles truimphantly. She knows she's won. She spins on her heel and goes upstairs without another word. I follow slowly behind and cast a sympathetic glance at Becky that she doesn't seem to notice. She may be young and annoying, but Todd is a good guy, and she knows it. While I don't condone the age difference, he's got his act together and is probably better for her than the guys her age she would probably date otherwise. She could definitely use his influence to see that she doesn't need her looks or her father's name to succeed in life.

I will talk to Stacey about her comment later. I go to my desk and get started on putting together Dan's schedule for next week. I stop when I hear a light tap on my desk.

I look up. Standing in front of me is Lorenzo. "Mary Anne, right?" he says.

_Just act normal._ I think to myself, _he's just a co-worker._ "Right," I say, smiling. "Good memory. You must've met at least thirty different people yesterday."

"Thirty-three, to be exact. I was wondering if you knew where Dan was."

I pull up his schedule for the current week. "He has a meeting in Stamford that is supposed to run until about eleven. He probably won't be back until after lunch."

Lorenzo nods. "Okay, I guess I'll just catch him later. You seem pretty organized. How long have you worked here?"

"About a month. But I've done secretarial work before. It's kind of second nature." I blush when I realize how moronic I sound.

He nods again. "That's cool. So you're just out of college, I take it?"

He thinks I'm older! I smile. "No. I wish. I'm actually just here for the summer. I'll be a junior next year. I'm studying to be a teacher at Stoneybrook University."

"Impressive. So, you're…twenty-one?"

"Almost. I turn twenty-one in September."

"I see. I got a degree in marketing from Boston University two years ago. It's such a relief to be done with school. Now I just have to worry about all those bills."

"Yeah, I tried to stay local so I wouldn't have to dorm. I hope not to have too many when I'm done." I pause. "So, you're, like, twenty-five then?"

"Yeah," he replies. I knew it! He glances down at my hand. " So have you set a date yet?"

For a moment I don't know what he's talking about. Then I follow his gaze. "Oh! My ring! No, we haven't. It will probably be next May though. I've always wanted a late spring wedding." There I go, sounding like a moron again.

"That's a popular choice," he comments. He clears his throat. "So, um, are you good friends with that Stacey girl?"

My face falls. I hope it isn't obvious. "Yeah, we've been friends since middle school."

"Wow! Long time. Well, anyway, she's talked to be a couple times. She's pretty cool. Is she single?"

I force a smile. "She certainly is. You should ask her to lunch." I immediately regret the words as soon as I say them.

He seems surprised by my response. He's silent for a moment, registering what I've said. "Maybe I will," he says finally. "Thanks, Mary Anne. I'll see you around."

"Bye," I reply, and watch him walk downstairs. I stare after him for a long time, even though he's no longer visible. I blink and return to my computer. Well, it appears Stacey's forward attitude has paid off. She definitely sparked Lorenzo's interest. I was happy for her. She's a nice, pretty, smart girl who deserves any happiness that comes her way. So why did I feel so uneasy?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Mary Anne!" I hear Stacey squeal when she walks into the break room. I know what she's going to say.

"What?" I ask her, keeping my face blank.

Stacey lowers her voice to a whisper. "Lorenzo asked me to lunch! Before I could even ask him! Isn't that great?" She beams.

I ignore the twisting in my stomach. I hug her. "That's great, Stace. He must really like you. Where are you guys going to go?"

"I don't know. He said he knows this great place nearby, and it's his treat."

"I'm so happy for you, Stacey. You are glowing right now!"

"I feel like I'm glowing! Hey, maybe if this goes somewhere we could double date with you and Logan! Won't that be great?"

I remember my earlier promise to be more supporting, and feel guilty for my prior reaction. I make sure my feelings are geniune before replying, "It sounds wonderful."

Stacey brushes a strand away from her face. "Hey what are you doing this weekend? Want to go shopping?"

I nod. "That's sounds good. I've got dinner plans with Logan Saturday night, but we can go to Washington Mall during the day."

"Cool. I want to pick out a date outfit. Just in case." She winks at me.

I smile but don't say anything. After break I go back to my desk and begin filing some new client folders. I let it build so it would take me awhile, and it takes me right until lunch. I stop and start to go towards Stacey's desk when I remember that she is on her lunch date with Lorenzo.

I go downstairs and buy a turkey sandwich and an apple from the food machine, and a soda from the vending machine. I sit down and eat my lunch silently. I haven't really made friends with anyone else since I've been here. I talk to Becky because I feel I have to, and sometimes I'll chat with Kate, but we don't usually see each other at work because she's always running around.

So I'm slightly surprised when Becky plops herself down and starts munching on a bag of carrot sticks.

"Is that all you're eating?" I ask her.

She frowns. "Yes. I want to lose three pounds. I've been doing nothing but eat dinner out with Todd. My clothes are getting tight."

Despite the fact that I know she wants to hear it, I oblige. "You're not fat, Becky."

"I know." Well, at least her ego hasn't suffered. "Todd says I looks fine, but he's probably just being nice. So where's Stacey?"

Dang it. This is not going to be pretty. "She's at lunch with Lorenzo," I say as casually as possible, as if I'm talking about the weather.

It doesn't get by Becky. Her eyes bug out. "Already? Gee, she sure doesn't waste any time does she?"

"Actually, he asked her." Which was the truth. Granted, she helped it along with her flirting, but it was probably inevitable anyway.

She suddenly gets a worried look on her face. "You don't think she'll really tell Daddy about Todd do you?"

I smile reassuringly. "No, Becky. As long as you don't meddle with her life, she won't meddle with yours."

As much as Becky annoys me, I did feel that Stacey's comment was out of line. I know Stacey well enough to know she'd never do such a thing, and was merely trying to inflict fear in Becky (mission accomplished, Stacey) but she probably could have gotten her message across another way.

Becky looks relieved and goes back to munching on a carrot. "I'll be interested to hear how this 'date' of hers goes."

_You and me both, Becky. _I think to myself. _You and me both._

* * *

By the time the end of the day rolls by I am nearly bursting with anticipation to find out how Stacey's lunch date went. I actually eye the clock as the final minutes tick by. 4:59. One more minute. I wonder if they had fun. I wonder if they got along. I wonder…if they kissed. 5:00. I leap out of my seat.

"Hey Stacey, you ready?" I ask her when I reach her desk.

Stacey has just finished entering some invoices and stamps POSTED on them before looking up at me. "I'm ready to go if you are."

We're silent on the way to the car. I don't want to push, I know she'll tell me about Lorenzo eventually, but my curiousity is growing. She doesn't say anything as we turn onto the highway or even as we are nearing our exit. Is she waiting for me to ask her? Did things go horribly wrong and will she not want to talk about it? I'm getting no signals as to what my next move should be.

I clear my throat. "Um, Stacey?"

"Yes?" She doesn't take her eyes off the road.

"How did things go today?"

"Well, okay. It was pretty slow in the morning but tomorrow's Friday so we should get of lot of invoices in the mail."

Is she purposely avoiding the topic all together? I try again. "Oh. How was the food at that restaurant you went to?"

She smiles. I take it as a good sign. "Great! Mary Anne it was so much fun! Lorenzo is just the sweetest guy!"

I try not to show the confusion in my face. "I'm glad you guys had fun, Stace. You didn't seem too happy that's all. I thought maybe things didn't go well."

She hesitates. "Well…I guess I've been thinking about something Lorenzo said."

_Please don't tell me he said I told him to ask you to lunch._ "What did he say?"

"He said that he couldn't believe we were friends."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Really? Why not?"

"Well, he said that we're totally different and that you seem so shy and I'm not, but that he thinks you're really sweet and a good friend. So…does that mean he thinks I'm not nice or something?" She looks geniunely hurt. "I mean, I know it was just an offhand comment but it kind of struck me. I didn't want to make too much of it because up until then, things were going perfect."

I don't ask how the topic of our friendship came up. Instead I say, "I wouldn't worry about it too much Stacey. He obviously thinks you're a nice girl or he wouldn't have asked you. He probably just meant that you're more outgoing and social. It doesn't mean you're not nice."

She nods slowly. "I guess you're right. You really are a good friend, Mary Anne. I'm so glad we've gotten close."

I reach out and give her hand a squeeze and am thankful that she isn't aware of my pangs of jealousy when thinking of her and Lorenzo. "I'm glad we have too."

She drops me off at my house. "It'll just be me and you tomorrow for lunch. It'll be my treat. I'll tell you about the rest of my date too."

I feel guilty and undeserving of Stacey's kindness. "You don't have to treat me. But I'd love to hear about the great time you had. See you tomorrow Stace."

Of course, no one is home. It days like these when I really miss my cat Tigger. He was a gray tiger cat that I got from an animal shelter when I was younger. He passed away just last year. He wasn't terribly old, only eight, but he had some bad health problems that took him sooner than I was ready for. I was devastated for months afterward. I'm better now, but some days are worse than others. I call Logan. "Hey sweetie, it's me. Do you want to come over? I just got home from work."

"Be there in ten minutes."

I hang up and wander into the living room and flip on the television. I'm in the middle of watching a rerun of _Friends_ when I hear a knock at the door.

I bounce off the couch and peer through the peephole. Logan. I throw open the door and fall into his arms.

He seems surprised by my sudden burst of affection, but recovers quickly and wraps his strong arms around me tightly. "Hey honey. It's good to see you too." He tilts my face up towards his and gives me a long kiss. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," I say sincerely. The moment I see him all of my dumb feelings of jealousy and annoyance over Stacey and Lorenzo melt away. How could I be jealous when I have Logan? Sure, he could be little controlling, but I loved him. We'd been through a lot together and still survived. I knew that all relationships weren't perfect, and that they all involved give and take. Eight years is a long time to be with someone. You learn a lot about yourself and what you're willing to compromise for the one you love. You learn about respect, loyalty, and honesty. And communication. Boy, do you learn communication. It's an amazing feeling to find someone that you've totally allowed yourself to open up with. To accept you wholly and completely. To become aware of your flaws, acknowledge them, and live with them. Because that's who you are, and who they love, and who they now want to spend the rest of their life with. It's a deep commitment that fewer people nowadays come through successfully.

"Earth to Mary Anne," Logan says playfully, breaking my thoughts.

I look up at him. "I love you, Logan."

"I love you too, Mary Anne." He smiles. "Is your dad home?" He looks mischievous.

"No." It took me a long time to feel comfortable enough with my body to let Logan in. My first time was different than I expected. It hurt more than I thought it would. Maybe I was naïve. I remember feeling stupid for thinking it'd be romantic and perfect the way the show in the movies. It wasn't. But it got better.

I don't let Logan say anything else. I just lead him upstairs. He kisses me deeply as soon as we enter my room.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions. I'm not always sure if what I'm doing feels good. Logan was my first, and only. I had no one before him to practice on to see what does and doesn't work. Not this time, though. It feels true and wonderful and better than it's been in awhile. I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm making up for the guilt that I felt earlier. If I'm proving my love. When we're finished, Logan and I fall back on the sheets, out of breath.

After a few minutes of silence, I hear his cell phone buzz. He frowns and picks up the phone. "Hi Mom." I hear him say.

I resist the urge to sigh. I think his mom is great, but she calls all the time. She always needs to know where he is every second of the day and he lets her. She acts helpless so he'll drop everything to help her, and it pains me to see him be taken advantage of. I wish he'd realize what she's doing and stand up to her.

"No Mom, I'm at Mary Anne's. I told you before I left." He makes a face. "I'll be right there." He flips his phone shut. "My mom is trying to look up a cake recipe online and she's having trouble with the computer. I'm sorry but…" his voice trails off.

I pout. "I know. You have to go. It's fine, just call me tonight."

He leans over and kisses my forehead. "I'm sorry." He quickly gets dressed and leaves.

And then I'm alone. Is this what it's going to be like when we're married? I knew his mom was intruding, but it never really occurred to me that this would be my life. Constant interruptions from his mom. Logan rushing away whenever she called. Me left behind. Again.

I get up and instead of changing into my clothes, slip on some gray shorts and a white tank top. I hear my stomach growl and realize I forgot to eat dinner. I slip downstairs and heat up a frozen dinner. Nothing spectacular, but I really don't feel like cooking. If Logan's mother hadn't called, I probably could've had a nice homemade meal.

I decide I really need to talk to Logan about his mother. Before we got married, I need to make sure some rules are set. Namely, not letting his mom ruin our marriage.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The next day is casual Friday at work, a day I always look forward to not just because it's the day before the weekend, but because I can finally dress in the comfort of jeans.

I slip on a pair of dark blue jeans and a seafoam green scoopneck shirt. Today after work Stacey is going to drop me off at the shop so I can finally pick up my car. As much as I've enjoyed driving with Stacey to work, it will be nice to have my own car back.

Stacey's honking outside before I know it. The drive the work is fairly quiet. I mention to Stacey that I felt her comment to Becky was a little inappropriate. I don't mention that we spoke at lunch.

"Becky's such a little priss," Stacey says defensively. "She thinks she can control us because her dad is the manager. Well, I just wanted to send her a message that she can't push me around. She's got a boyfriend, anyway, so what does she care what I do?"

I wince. What about being engaged? Does that make me worse than Becky? "I know she's a brat Stace. Just don't let her know she gets to you, that's all. That's what she wants, is a reaction. You shouldn't give her that benefit."

"I guess." She pulls into a parking space and turns the car off. "I'll be nice."

"Good." My whole life I've felt like a peacemaker. I don't know why I always assume the responsibility.

Stacey stays true to her word. "Morning, Becky," she says pleasantly. She goes upstairs without waiting for a response. Well, she didn't say she was going to be _genuinely_ nice. It was a start. I shoot Becky a reassuring smile and start upstairs.

Lorenzo is standing by my desk. My heart starts to pound. I get a surge of confidence from an unknown place and strut up to him.

"Looking for me?" I ask him, with a hint of coyness in my voice.

He whirls around and breaks into a smile. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. For suggesting I take Stacey to lunch. I had a lot of fun. She's a nice girl. I was telling her how different you guys are though."

"Really?" I say breezily, pretending as if I didn't already know what he said. "How so?" I stare right at him, without looking away. He swallows. I'm making him nervous, I can feel it. And oddly, it's a good feeling. I don't back down.

"Well, I just thought you were really, you know, shy and stuff. But I mean, it wasn't like that's a bad thing. I just, like, you know, kinda noticed it and was just making an observation. But maybe you're not as shy as I thought." I fight to keep the smile off my face. I would never have expected I could make Lorenzo falter. He seems so cool and sure of himself.

"Don't worry about it. I am a little shy. It just depends on how comfortable I feel. I'm not shy if I'm comfortable with you." Am I flirting? There's no harm in that right? It's just harmless flirting. It doesn't mean anything anyway.

He seems to pull himself together. He clearly recognizes flirting when he sees it. "Oh, really? Well, that's good then. Glad I was wrong," he gives me one last smile, then turns and walks away.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and slump into my seat. Wow. I've never been so forward before. With Logan I was always so shy and quiet, I couldn't believe it when he told me he liked me. I don't know what it is about Lorenzo that makes me want to get his attention. It makes me feel powerful, more confident.

I push down the rising guilt. For what? There wasn't anything to feel guilty about. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Right?

* * *

"It turns out we have a lot in common. We both like the sames kinds of movies. And he loves Porky Pig! Isn't that crazy?" Stacey spears a piece of chicken from her salad and shoves it in her mouth. 

It's lunchtime, and Stacey and I are at the sandwich shop we've begun to frequent. I pick up a half of my turkey sandwich and take a small bite. "Did you do your impression for him?" Stacey has loved Porky Pig as long as I've known her, and does a scarily spot on impression of him.

"Of course. He thought it was hilarious."

"So what time do you want to go to the mall tomorrow?" I ask her.

"By the time I roll out of bed and get ready…one o'clock?"

"Sure."

We finish our lunch and when the waitress comes by to leave the bill, Stacey snatches it away before I can do anything.

"I told you, my treat. Put your wallet away."

Once Stacey's set her mind on something, there's really no convincing her otherwise. I put my wallet back in my purse. "Thanks, Stacey. I'll treat next time."

She waves her hand dismissively. "Uh-huh, that's fine." She leaves a decent tip and we head back to her car.

I find a stack of papers on my desk when I return from lunch. Good, that'll keep me busy. I work diligently until the end of the day. I stop by Stacey's desk so she can drop me off at the car shop.

"Ready?" she says.

I nod.

"Okay, let's go."

We pass by Kate on the way out, "Have a good weekend, Kate!" I call.

"Bye, Mary Anne. You too."

"Bye, Becky," Stacey says pointedly as we exit. "Have a good weekend."

Becky looks surprised. She gives us both a wave. "Bye you guys."

"I hope the bill won't be too high on my car," I tell Stacey when we reach her car. "It'll probably suck up most of my paycheck."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad," she assures me.

She soon pulls into the parking lot of Dave & Sons Auto Body. I spot Sam Thomas walking across the lot in his technician's uniform. I look to warn Stacey, but she's already seen him and peeled out of the parking lot before I can say anything. Stacey used to have a thing for Sam, and as we got older then went on a few dates. She got bored with him and got super drunk at this party and made out with Charlie, Sam's older brother. He didn't take it too well. They both happen to be the older brothers of our former Baby-Sitter's Club president, Kristy Thomas. Kristy and I used to be best friends. When Kristy found out what Stacey did she called her a whore and vowed never to speak to her again for breaking Sam's heart. She was furious when she found out that I'd become friendly with Stacey during college. I guess she expected me to follow in her footsteps and never speak to Stacey again because she wasn't. I'd had it with Kristy's bossy ways. She always tried to make me what she wanted me to be. I told Kristy I'd talk to Stacey if I wanted to, and if she couldn't handle it, then we didn't have to be friends. I haven't spoken to her since.

"Hi Sam," I say cheerfully, walking up to him. "Do you know if my car is ready?"

"Oh, hey Mary Anne. How did you get here? I didn't even see you come in."

"My coworker drove me." Technically not a lie.

He nods. "Yeah, it's ready. It was just your starter. I'll have our porter pull it up front."

He goes inside and soon my black Ford is out of the garage, shiny and gleaming from it's car wash. A Hispanic man comes out of it and hands Sam my keys. "Okay Mary Anne, if you just go inside, I'll give these to the service guys and they'll take care of you."

"Thanks, Sam." I say gratefully.

The bill isn't as bad as I thought. One-fifty. I'm directed to the reception area, when I hand the clerk my credit card, and finally get the keys to my car.

I slide into the comfortable, familiar seat of my car and drive home. I'm surprised to see my dad's car in the driveway when I get there. Granted I'm home later because I went to get my car, but it still. I wouldn't expect him until eight.

"Hey dad," I call when I unlock the door.

"I'm in my study, Mary Anne."

Of course. "You're home early." I say, stepping inside of the study.

"Well it's Friday. I thought it'd just be better to work from my study here than being in the office all weekend."

_Then why don't you do that more often?_ I think. I know the answer. Being here just hurts too much. Too many bad memories.

"Did you get your car back?" he asks me.

"Yes. It was just the starter."

"Ah. Well, it could've been worse. Are you hungry? Would you like to prepare some dinner together?"

"Sure." I wonder if something happened at work. He has lately become a shell of his former self, moving robotically and without expression. Saying monotonous sentences and giving no replies when asked a question. This certainly is a change. It's nice, but I can't help but wonder where it's coming from.

We go into the kitchen and Dad takes some chicken wings out of the freezer. He puts them in the microwave to defrost and I begin gathering some makings for a salad. I pull a packaged rice mix out of the pantry and set water to boil.

We eat a pleasant dinner, almost the way we used to before. Dad actually has a real conversation with me. I try to act as if this is normal, as if we do this every night, and this isn't the first time we've sat down to dinner in months. It's amazing that Dad can make such a sudden personality change and not acknowlege it. He doesn't allow me to many any comments. He tells me about work, and the current case he's working on. I respond politely, feigning interest.

After dinner, I escape to my room and call Logan. I tell him about my day. I decide to mention Lorenzo.

"We had a new guy start this week, too."

"Really? Where is he working?"

"Sales."

"How old is he?" There it was. Suspicion.

I don't lie. "He's twenty-five."

"How do you know? Have you talked to him?"

"Well, Kate introduced him to everyone. But Stacey actually went to lunch with him yesterday, so she was telling me about him at lunch today."

I hear a sigh of relief. "Oh, so Stacey's interested in him, huh? He must be good looking then." Is that his way of saying he thinks Stacey's shallow?

I let it go. "He's not bad." I reply, twisting the phone cord around my finger, wanting this part of the conversation to be over.

"Well, I'll take that a yes, then. You'd better be good," he tries to make it sound like he's teasing, but I know better.

"Of course, Logan. Don't worry. He seems to be pretty interested in Stacey, too." I clear my throat. "She was actually thinking we could all double date if he ever asks her out."

Silence.

"Sure, that sounds great," he says finally. "So what else is going on?"

Finally. He changed the subject. "My dad and I had dinner together tonight. It was kind of weird. He hasn't been home this early in months, I wonder if something is going on."

"Maybe he just wanted to spend more time at home. Maybe he's realizing that he's throwing himself into his work and it's not helping. I would be happy instead of suspicious."

"I know. I mean, I am happy. I just hope everything is okay."

"I'm sure things are fine Mary Anne. Hey, hold on a sec." I hear muffled voices and feel my blood start to boil. If it's his mother…

"Mary Anne? I gotta go, honey. My mom wants me to go with her to the store. She wants male advice on getting my dad a birthday present."

I resist the urge the scream at him. "Fine, Logan." I say tightly. "I'll talk to you later." I hang up without saying goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"So what do you think of these?" Stacey asks, holding up a pair of skintight leather pants.

I look up from the rack of shirts I'm pawing through. "Um…they're nice."

Stacey giggles. "Relax Mary Anne, I'm kidding! I wouldn't wear those on a first date!" She pauses. "I'd at least wait until the third date."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "Of course. I think that's the minimum," I joke.

It's almost two o'clock on Saturday, and Stacey and I are at the Washington Mall in Zingy's, this store that sells punk type clothing. Stacey used to say it was the closest to New York she could get. Back there she had her choice of stores to stop at. Here…well, we've got Zingy's.

Stacey holds up a fuzzy hot pink shirt. "Ok, seriously. What about this one?"

I look up again. It's not my taste, but I can see Stacey pulling it off. I give her a thumbs up sign, and she flounces off to the dressing rooms to try it on.

Stacey ends up purchasing the shirt after declaring it fits her "perfectly." After she's paid, she announces "Where to?"

"Bellairs."

Stacey makes a slight face. I know she's probably sick of the place since her mother works there, but it's really the only store I can find things I like, and within reason pricewise. "Okay," she agrees.

We head up the escalator and into Bellairs. I head immediately into the Misses section. Stacey makes a face again, and I'm sure she's dying to tell me to try something more daring. "Why don't we go to Juniors instead? I know we're older, but this stuff is so…"

A motherly woman walks by then, and stops by a rack near us and starts looking through it. Stacey gives me a look that plainly says, "See?"

"Fine, we'll go to Juniors." I relent.

Stacey smiles. "Come on, Mary Anne! Let's find you something fun!" She gestures to her low cut black tank top and gray capris. "This," she says, "is fun."

"I can't wear that, Stace. I'm not exactly…built to be wearing low cut tops."

"Look, Mary Anne, I see girls with boobs half your size acting like they're Pamela Anderson. It's not the size, it's how you wear it."

I hug my chest self consciously. Maybe I am too conservative. Maybe I should let loose a little. I _am_ going to be twenty-one in a couple months. It's time I start acting like it and not like the girl who still wears pigtails.

"Let's do it." I say.

We dash off to the Juniors section and before I know what's going on, Stacey is pulling item after item off the clothing racks. She hands me an armful of clothes. "Try these on," she orders, and points to the dressing room.

I oblige, and head toward the dressing room. A perky girl named Katie shows me to an open room. Once I'm in there I heave a huge sigh. After all these years of complaining about my strict father I finally have the luxury to dress how I want, and I still dress conservatively. I always feel like people are trying to change me into what they feel is best for me, and I always go along with it.

Kristy wanted me to be more assertive like her. She was probably sick of all those years of dealing with such a sensitive friend. We were polar opposites as far as friends go. I was shy and quiet, and would cry at the drop a hat. She was loud and bossy, and hardly ever cried. I look back now and wonder how we were ever friends, and why I was so shocked that it ended. It seemed inevitable; we were just too different.

Back then, I would have never imagined that Stacey and I would have grown to be as close as we are. She seemed so beyond me, I almost didn't feel like I was supposed to hang out with her when we were younger. I always wonder if she hung out with us out of pity, because we weren't as sophisticated as her New York friends, and she realized she probably would never find that in Stoneybrook.

I hear a knock on the door. "Are you doing okay in there? Need help finding something in a bigger size?" Katie must work on commission or something.

"No, I'm fine." I try to sound annoyed so she'll get the hint and leave me alone. What is it with clothing stores sometimes? Why don't they let you try on the clothes and come to them? I've barely been in here for five minutes, Katie, why don't you calm down?

I think the words but don't say them. It's the story of my life. Sweet Mary Anne would never be mean to anyone. I always think of things to say, but they remain trapped, the words never escaping my lips for fear I would shatter whatever image someone has of me. The image I must continue to keep, of being nice and sweet. I let Logan practically walk all over me, and have not said a word of my feelings.

I look in the mirror, almost defiant. That stops now. I'm sick of being viewed as the girl who can always be taken advantage of. Sick of the girl who still lives as if her father is controlling her every move and thought. I am going to be a new Mary Anne by the time I turn twenty-one. I smile at my reflection, as if that seals my vow.

I turn and march out of the dressing room. "So, how did we do here?" Katie asks brightly in a high pitched voice that can only be fake. "Did you need a bigger size in anything?"

"If I wanted your help, I'd ask for it." I brush past her gaping mouth and toward Stacey, who's waiting nearby.

"I'm taking it." I tell her, and dump all the clothes on counter at the cash register.

Her eyes widen. "All of it?"

I hadn't tried any of the clothes on; or even looked through them to make sure it was things I'd actually wear. It doesn't matter. "All of it." I echo.

Katie comes up behind the register to ring me up. She doesn't speak as she scans each item, ten in all. I get a chance to look at them for the first time. Stacey has good taste, and all of the items actually look wearable, and not too drastic.

"That'll be one hundred and fifty two dollars and forty cents," Katie avoids meeting my eye, as I'm sure she's still stung by my earlier comment. I instantly feel guilty. Maybe I was a little harsh, but then again she should've left me alone after the first time. I whip out my credit card withought thinking about it, and hand Katie the card before I can change my mind.

After leaving Bellairs hauling my bags with me, Stacey says, "I'm impressed, Mary Anne. I didn't think you'd actually want to even look at the clothes let alone buy them."

"Well, maybe you're right. I should wear clothes that are more fun, and not what mothers wear."

"I'm glad you agree." She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Where should we go for lunch?"

We settle on Subway, because it has a lot of things Stacey can actually eat. After we finish our subs, we head back downstairs to Express. "I want to find a nice pair of pants to go with that pink top. I have a feeling I'm going to get asked out very soon," she says with a gleam in her eye.

"For your sake I hope you're right," I tell her. "Or you're going to have one very fuzzy pink top and nowhere to go."

Stacey laughs, and examines a pair of black capris with lace edging the hem. "I love these," she comments, as she peers inside the pants at the tag. "All right they're my size! I'm taking them! I've got these gorgeous black espadrilles that would go perfect with these." She smiles happily.

"Where are you going with Logan tonight?" she asks after she's purchased the pants and we're on our way out.

"We're just going to go to Casa Grande. So I'll be back here in a few hours." Casa Grande is a really good Mexican restaurant located in the Washington Mall. It's a favorite of ours, and I never tire of it.

The drive back to my house is pleasant; I'm feeling better than I have in awhile. It feels good to do things that I want, and not things I feel will just please people. I don't need to prove myself all the time, if I have a bad day I should be able to be annoyed for the day. And I definitely need to talk to Logan about our relationship. I will talk to him tonight at dinner. His mother cannot keep interfering. She needs to realize that I am going to be a part of his life now, and she can't have him at her feet the moment she needs him. It's easier said than done, I realize. I hope things go smoothly tonight or I could do more damage than I want.

* * *

"You look beautiful," Logan greets me when he comes to pick me up later that night. 

I look down at the black skirt and red and black flowered lacy blouse I'm wearing, both part of the bundle of clothes I bought today. "Thanks."

Logan kisses my cheek as I slip inside. "We're going to have a great evening, I can tell. And a great night." He gives me a teasing smile.

Lord. Does he always have to think about sex? I smile back at him, but don't respond. I'm saving my energy for our talk tonight.

Casa Grande is completely packed when we arrive, which is expected for a Friday night. They keep the people moving, though, and we only have to wait twenty minutes before we are seated. I open then menu, even though I know what I want. One chicken and one cheese enchilada. It's what I always get.

"Hey Mary Anne!" I look up and see Becca Ramsey standing in front of me.

"Hey Becca! Wow, it's been awhile! Did you just start here?"

"Yeah, I've been here for just over a week. Did you want to start with a drink?"

Logan spoke up. "I'll have a Heineken and she'll have a Sprite."

"Coming right up," Becca says. "We can catch up when I bring your drinks," she tells me. I nod and then frown at Logan. This is not starting well.

"Logan," I hiss. "I've told you before to not order for me. Why do you assume I want a Sprite?"

"Because that's what you always get," he says simply.

"Well, maybe so, but it'd be nice if I could order it myself. I can talk, you know."

"Geez, sorry. Did you and Stacey get into a fight or something?"

"No, we did not. I just would like to order my own food and drink and not have you treat me as if you're a parent ordering for their child."

He looks taken aback. "I'm sorry Mary Anne. Order whatever you want if you don't want the Sprite."

I try not to sound exasperated. "I'm okay with the Sprite, Logan. That's not the point." I see Becca coming with our drinks. "Never mind," I mutter.

Becca sets our drinks down on the table. "So how have you been, Mary Anne?"

"I've been great! I'm working with Stacey at IMG Construction."

"What about the other club members?"

I cringe. Sore subject. "Well, I kind of lost touch with Kristy and Claudia. I haven't really talked to Dawn since the divorce, and I honestly don't know about Mal and Jessi. How is Jessi?"

"She's great. She's actually came back home during Fourth of July weekend. She's so busy at Julliard." Jessi and her best friend Mallory were junior members of the BSC, since they were two years younger than the rest of us. I pretty much lost touch with them when we were sophomores in high school, around the time the BSC dissolved. I hadn't really spoken to either since. Occasionally I see Mal when I go to Stacey's house since they're neighbors, but we honestly didn't acknowledge each other that much. Jessi has danced most of her life, and her dream was to go to Julliard, and I'm happy that she achieved her dream.

"Julliard! That's awesome!"

"Yeah. How's Stacey? Charlotte asks about her all the time. She wants her to go see her." Charlotte Johansson is Becca's best friend. They've been friends since Becca first moved here. Becca and her family are black, and the people here were pretty cruel. It was especially hard for Jessi and Becca at school. Luckily, Jessi had us and Charlotte befriended Becca. Stacey was Charlotte's favorite sitter, since she was an only child and she'd pretend Stacey was her older sister. Stacey couldn't be around as much once she started college, and Charlotte had obviously grown too old for a sitter, but they still tried to keep in touch. I made a mental note to tell Stacey to call Charlotte.

"Stacey's fine. She's really good at her job, since it deals with math. I'll tell her to give Charlotte a call."

"Sounds good. Now, what can I get you guys to eat?"

After placing our orders, Logan comments, "It's kind of sad how no one keeps in touch anymore."

"Yeah I guess. It happens, though."

"True." He looks thoughtful for a moment, then opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by the sound of his phone ringing.

I clench my teeth. That's it. I was going to wait to talk so as not to ruin the whole meal, but this really is the last straw.

"Hi, Mom." I hear him say. "Yes, I'm at dinner with Mary Anne." He listens for a moment, then sighs. "Well, we haven't gotten our food yet, but we'll be home right after dinner. Okay, talk to you later." He notices my expression after snapping his phone shut. "What? Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is not _okay_." I say evenly. "Is it possible for your mother to go three minutes without calling you?"

"Mary Anne! Honestly, she's my mother! Where are you going with this?"

"Logan, look, I have no problem with your mother as a person. I think she's great. I do have a problem with her constant need to call you everytime she needs something. And what's worse, is you let her! She runs your life Logan! Why can't you just tell her no? She's a grown woman, and she should be capable enough to do things herself!" My voice is getting higher and louder but I don't care. I'm furious. All the times I've bit my tongue have exploded and my adrenanline is pumping.

"Mary Anne, we are not going to have this conversation here. I know my mom calls a lot, but she needs me. What do you want me to do, tell her to fuck off? She was there for me when I needed her and I feel now that I'm grown I should do the same."

Logan doesn't swear often, so I know I've hit a nerve. But I can't stop. I keep going. All I see is red and the words spill out of my mouth with no control.

"I am not going to put up with this when were are married," I say haughtily. "Either you find some sort of way to compromise with your mother or there will be no wedding. I mean it. This has gone far enough. I've put up with this for too long, and I am done. You need to be able to find a middle ground here." I can feel myself shaking. "So help me Logan, I will call this wedding off if you don't do something about this."

Logan pales. "You don't mean that."

A feeling of guilt surges through me that I push down. No. I have to do this. I have to stand my ground. If I keep giving in, he'll just keep taking. "You heard me."

Becca comes by with our order and sets the plates down. "Be careful the plates are hot," she says, not noticing the growing tension.

Logan picks up his fork carefully. "Don't say things you don't mean. You will _not_ call off this wedding do you hear me? If you call it off I'll…" he doesn't finish.

"You'll what?" I ask, sticking my nose in the air, as if to taunt him.

Logan is breathing heavily. "You will not call off this wedding," he repeats. YOU WILL NOT!" He picks up his plate, and throws it on the floor. It shatters in several pieces.

I gasp. The entire restaurant has grown silent. Logan storms out, and I will myself not to cry. I won't become a blubbering mess inside this restaurant, I won't. Becca rushes over. "Mary Anne, is everything okay? What happened? Was something wrong with the food?"

I look at her face, so young and naïve. She really thinks it's the food? "It's okay Becca," I tell her. "Nothing was wrong with the food. I'm sorry about the plate. I'll pay for it okay?"

A tall man with a black mustache I assume is the manager comes out. "Is everything all right out here? I've been told there was an accident."

"I'm sorry, my fiance was just upset. I will pay for any damages he caused." I start to pick up the broken pieces and feeling my lip begin to quiver.

The man helps me up. "I wouldn't worry about the plate. Our staff will take care of it."

My throat tightens. If I don't get out of here, I'm going to lose it. I don't want everyone to see me cry. I toss two twenties on the table and run out of the restaurant without looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

My phone rings early Sunday morning. I roll over and turn it off. I know who it is, and I certainly have no desire to speak to him. I'm still furious. After that embarrassing scene in the restaurant I also had to call a cab to pick me up since Logan had left me alone. I didn't want to call Stacey or my dad because I didn't want them to know about our fight, plus I didn't feel they should be inconvenienced over Logan's behavior.

I lay on my back and the events of the night before come flooding back. I wished I could say it was a bad dream, but I knew the truth. I wanted to stay in bed all day, shut out the world and be upset for a day. After the cab dropped me off, I tiptoed past my father who was working in his study (no surprise there) and upstairs to my room. The flood gates broke then, and I cried the tears I'd been holding for a good hour.

It wasn't a good cry. I'm no stranger to crying, and I can categories my cries. There's the best cry, the tears that spring from your eyes because you're happy. They don't cause a dull ache, they just make you feel good. There's the cry when you are upset over a simple comment or event. Maybe you're already in a bad mood, and it doesn't take much to trigger the cry. It's over before you know it, almost like when it rains for two minutes in Florida and then it's done and sunny again. Just something you get out of your system that leaves no permanent damage.

Then there are deeper cries. There are cries that result of a personal tragedy. A death, or a horrible accident. They usually mean yearning, a feeling of want that you know is unattainable. The cry hurts, and the hurt lingers. The worst cry is the cry of realization. When your life has culminated to a point with which you are no longer in control. You can cry and cry and nothing seems to ease the pain. You cry for so long that you almost forget what you were crying about. There are stages: it can start with sobs that wrack your body, then weeping, then finally something similar to a whimper that happens when you've exhausted your body and have no tears to cry, but the pain is still there. That's the kind of crying I did last night.

I felt as if everything that I'd believed in my relationship with Logan had been washed away by that single event. I'd presented Logan with a simple request: to try and compromise. I did not ask him to choose between his mother and myself, because that is an impossible choice that I would never expect him to make. It seemed as if he'd made a choice before I even asked, and that spoke in volumes to me.

I did not expect him to shut his mother out of his life completely, I expected him to be able to balance our life together with her needs. This required some compromise on her part as well. Whether she was calling out of habit or purpose I didn't know. Being married herself I would think she'd understand how there needs to be give and take.

If Logan could not act as an adult when a valid request is asked of him, how could I believe that our marriage would work? I knew that I would do whatever it took to make our marriage work, but last night brought about the awful realization that he would not do the same. He would expect me to change to his expectations, and bend my life to his standards, but wouldn't make the same sacrafice.

It bothered me to think that maybe this problem had been there the whole time and I'd been too blinded by love to even notice it. Clearly, these things don't just happen overnight. This quality in him did not just appear, it was there all along and I never realized it.

_What does this mean for us?_ I wondered. _Does this mean we're over?_

It seemed as if a lot of damage had been done. Maybe I was stupid for thinking that the talk would go over well. I had imagined an adult conversation that consisted of a calm discussion where we went over our options and tried to come to the best solution for everyone. I imagined Logan agreeing with me, impressed by my seriousness over wanting to make things right. I had not imagined Logan having a temper tantrum and running out on me, leaving me to clean up the mess he made. Literally.

Perhaps that's what I would have to look forward to if we started a life together. I would have to always clean up his messes and make excuses. I didn't want that. It didn't sound like an ideal situation. Maybe it was better that I came to this realization now better than later. Of course, a huge part of me still wanted to make it work with Logan. Maybe I was overreacting. We'd had fights before, and there were definitely moments where I'd felt things were truly over between us. But we had worked through them as a couple. I knew that I simply couldn't erase the feelings that I'd had for the past eight years as if they never existed. One night didn't change the fact that I still deeply cared for Logan and wanted to make it work. I knew I would have to talk to him, I was sure he was sorry for what he had done.

As I lay there on my bed, going over these thoughts again and again in my mind, I realized I knew what I had to do.

* * *

"Mary Anne!" Mrs. Bruno appears surprised to see me when she opens the door a bit later. A sudden feeling of anger swells up inside of me, and I have the immediate instinct to shake this woman, and yell at her for always interfering. I catch myself, because I realize that Logan is just as much to blame for letting her interfere. There are two sides to every problem, and I can't blame Mrs. Bruno for that.

"Hi, Mrs. Bruno." I force a smile on my face, even though I know I look and sound horrible. Cries like the one I had don't exactly leave you looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. I hadn't bothered to change into my pajamas when I got home, just cried in my new clothes and makeup. This was followed by a near sleepless night, tossing and turning until finally falling into a restless sleep.

When I had managed to drag myself out of bed I looked in the mirror and saw that I had dark circles under my eyes from both lack of sleep and smudged mascara. My hair was a fright. It was knotted and mangled from my tossing. I looked like a horror movie zombie. I made no move to try to improve my appearance, I didn't want to seem like I hadn't been affected by what happened last night.

I had run a brush through my hair and washed my face and threw on whatever clothes I could find. I now stood on the Bruno's front porch, trying to remain composed. "Let me get Logan for you, he was just helping me with the housework."

_Of course._ I thought. Okay, there was no need for that. Just do what you came here for. Don't let yourself get upset so early.

Logan appears somewhat ashamed when he comes to the door. "Hey Mary Anne, come in."

"Actually I was wondering if we could go somewhere to talk." There was no way I was going to do this with his mother hanging around.

"Sure. Just let me tell my mom I'm leaving." I try not to roll my eyes as I hear Logan call, "Mom! Mary Anne and I are going out for a bit. Be right back." He shuts the door without waiting for a reply.

He starts toward my car, but I stop him. "Let's walk," I suggest.

He shrugs, then nods. "Okay." He clears his throat. "So, look about last night…"

I cut him off. "You don't have to apologize. I've known you long enough to know that you are sorry about last night. I wanted to talk to you about some other things."

He gets a worried look on his face. "Well, okay I guess."

He doesn't really have a choice, but I press on. "I want you to know that while it may seem like an isolated incident to you, it meant a whole lot more to me."

Now it's Logan turn to cut me off. "Look, Mary Anne, I really didn't mean to lose it like that. I know my mom gets in the way, but I don't know what to do. I feel I owe it to the both of you to be there, but it's hard."

"Logan, listen. I'm not telling you to shut your mother out of your life. I completely respect her and understand that she has needs too. I am telling you that I don't want this to be our life. I don't want to have to be left behind all the time because your mother comes calling. I want to know that there are times when you will be able to say 'no' to her." I take a deep breath. So far, so good.

"How am I supposed to say no to my mother?"

_Simple. 'No, mom. Not right now.' See how easy that was?_ I shake my head and wonder if Logan could possibly be this dependent on his mother and I really never realized it.

"Logan, I think that there should be times when you can tell your mother that you are busy. She should understand that. You are a grown man now and she's got Hunter and Kerry too, not just you."

"Well you know Hunter and his allergies. He's not much help. Kerry's away at college now, so she's never home."

I begin to get frustrated. He is missing the point. "Fine, Logan. You're the only one she can depend on. But you're not getting it. There should be a limit to what you can and cannot do. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask you to compromise and make some sacrafices for our relationship."

"What you're asking is a huge sacrafice, Mary Anne."

I finally lose it. "No, it's not!" I shout. I begin to pick up my pace and Logan has to hurry to stay with me. I take another deep breath. "No, it's not." I repeat, more calmly this time. "Logan, if you can't tell me that you are never willing to make sacrafices for our relationship, then how can you expect this marriage to work? Marriage isn't going to be an easy ride, you know. There will be times when we are not going to agree. Maybe we will have different viewpoints on how to raise children or how we should spend our money. Are you saying that you are never going to change your way of thinking if we disagree?" I stare at him with pleading eyes.

Logan is silent for a moment. "I don't know, Mary Anne. I've never really thought about that sort of thing."

"Well, I think you should. It's bound to happen. I can't imagine you can go out there and find a married couple that has never once disagreed. If you asked them how they got past it, I'm sure they would tell you that they each had to compromise and reach a place where they were both happy. It's not one way or the other, it's got to be a little give, and a little take." This conversation is not going how I'd hoped. I'm beginning to think that Logan hasn't taken this marriage thing as seriously as I have.

Maybe for him, it's just an extension of our regular relationship. He never stopped to think about our living situation or how we would survive on our own. He just thought it would be the same as it was now, with late night phone calls and dinners out and some nights just staying in, holding each other tight in bed.

"I'm sorry, Mary Anne. Maybe I haven't thought about this the way you have. I know I love you more than anything. I want to prove that to you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He takes my hand, but I shake it away.

"I love you too, Logan. But I know deep down that I would be willing to do whatever it took to make our relationship work. I…I don't feel that same vibe from you." I look down and bite my lip to keep from losing my composure.

"Mary Anne, you know I would do anything for you. I just feel like I'm turning my back on my mother. You know my dad works all the time. Hunter's always out with friends, and Kerry's away at school. I just don't want to desert her."

"You wouldn't be deserting her, Logan. This is what I'm talking about. I don't feel like you are listening. All you hear is what you want to hear because you want me to keep going along with it the way I always have." We have made a full circle around the block and have reached his house. "I want to tell you that it's not going to be like that anymore. I am not going to let you take advantage of me, and until you're ready to start making some real changes in this relationship, I think we should hold off for awhile."

Logan looks panicked. "W-What are you saying?" he stammers nervously.

And then I do what I seen myself doing so many times before I came here. Now that I'm at this point, it's much harder that I'd imagined. Slowly, I slide my engagement ring off my finger, take Logan's hand and place it on his palm. I close his hand over the ring.

Logan looks down at the ring, and back up at me, his eyes very bright. _Please don't cry. You'll make this so much harder than it already is._ "Mary Anne – "

"I'm saying goodbye, Logan. We are obviously on different pages, and I don't think marriage is a step in the right direction for us. Not until we both figure out where we're at in this relationship. I'm not saying goodbye forever, just for now. We need this, whether you see it now or not, we do." My voice is cracking, and I know I'm going to start crying any moment.

Logan nods slowly. "I understand," he says quietly. He blinks and a tear streams down his cheek and falls off his chin. He starts to say something, but changes his mind. "I understand," he repeats.

I want to reach out and hold on to him tight, to let him know how much I care and I'm only doing what I feel is best. But I know if I do that I'll never let go. Instead, with my last bit of strength, I simply turn and walk away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**A/N:** I want to thank those that have reviewed. It means a lot to me to know that people appreciate this story and keeps me motivated to continue it. I already have the story mapped out and know what's going to happen, but it try to update faster if I feel people are waiting for a chapter. Anyway, thanks again!

* * *

"You did WHAT?" Stacey is curled up on my couch with her legs tucked underneath her. After I got back from Logan's I was upset and decided to invite Stacey over to try and get my mind off what had happened this morning.

I figured we could spend the day watching old movies and snacking on junk food, the perfect remedy for a broken heart. I decided not to break the news to her until she got here. A wise choice. Stacey's eyes are nearly bugging out of their sockets. If I weren't so miserable I'd almost find it funny.

I look up and nod. "I had to Stace. It was the right thing to do…wasn't it?"

Stacey reaches out and pats my arm. "I think you did what was best," she says. "You're right. Logan needs to figure out what he wants out of this relationship. He needs to realize what he's putting you through, and maybe, now that the issue has been brought out in the open he'll be able to see for himself that he needs to set some space between himself and his mother. Basically, he needs to grow up. It's the Peter Pan syndrome, Mary Anne. I think all guys suffer from it until they're at least thirty."

I smile. "Well I hope I won't have to wait that long!"

Stacey giggles. "We can't help it if we mature faster. That's why I want to go older. Like, old man older."

"Sorry, Stace, I don't think my dad will be interested."

Stacey shoves me gently. "Gross, Mary Anne! But at least you're joking again. So at least you're feeling better, which could only be the result of my presence."

I smile at her. "Of course." I get up from the couch and tug on her arm. "Come on, now. We have a full day of watching movies and pigging out ahead of us. I've got it all planned out. First, for the appetizer, we will dine on a sumptuous feast of popcorn and pretzels. We will then move on to the main course of all natural cheese pizza and salad. For our feature this afternoon we will watch _Mary Poppins._" I knew that last part would make Stacey happy since it's her all time favorite movie.

Stacey laughs. "Aw, you're sweet. I thought today was about making you feel better, though, not me."

"Just my appreciation for you coming by."

"Well then, what are we waiting for? On with the show!" She follows me into the kitchen and pours a bag of unsalted pretzels (I can't stand those big granules of salt) into a bowl while I microwave some popcorn. We carry our snack back into the living room and I pop a DVD of _Mary Poppins_ into the player.

Stacey immediately gets this dreamy look on her face, like she's traveled to Cherry Tree Lane with Jane and Michael Banks herself. She probably seen this movie about a thousand times, and when I stopped at the video store this morning, I knew it was a good choice to show my gratitude. I'd also picked up _The Breakfast Club_ and _Ghost, _which is one of my favorite movies.

After the movie is over, and Stacey has finished humming "A Spoonful of Sugar", she turns to me and asks, "Are you feeling better?"

I swallow down a mouthful of pretzels and nod. "You know what? I really do. I think this is just what I needed to get my mind off of Logan. Hey, why don't you spend the night? We can just drive into work together tomorrow. I'll drive this time, since you were nice enough to chauffer me around when my car was in the shop."

"That sounds great. Let me just go home real quick so I can grab some clothes and let me mom know where I'll be."

"I'll get our dinner ready while you do that," I offer.

After Stacey leaves, I put the pizza in the oven to cook and make a quick salad. The pizza is just finishing when she returns and we settle to watch _Ghost_ while we eat our dinner. My father wanders out of his office and helps himself to a slice, nodding to Stacey and I before ducking back in there and shutting the door. Whatever shred of humanity that I saw in him the other day is gone, and he's back to his robotic self. I'm sad, because deep down I realize that I miss the relationship I once had with my father, however forced it felt.

"Hey Stace, should we do a pizza toast?" I joke, picking up my second slice and taking a bite.

Stacey bursts out laughing. "Pizza toast! Wow, we haven't done that in ages! I can't believe how dorky we were. We totally thought we were cool back then didn't we?"

"No, we thought we were dibble."

Stacey snorts and covers her mouth. Her face turns red and she makes several motions to swallow before speaking again. "Don't do that to me with food in my mouth! I almost choked! You are so stale sometimes!"

I crack up. "We _were_ dorky weren't we?"

Stacey is laughing so hard she's wheezing. "Yeah," she manages to gasp once she's calmed down. "But those memories are fun. We had some great times, and it's nice to look back on them and laugh." She pauses. "I mean, look at us. We're still having sleepovers. Do you want to paint our toenails later and tell ghost stories?"

I laugh again, but immediately think of Dawn when I hear ghost stories. Dawn used to love ghost stories, and was even convinced that a ghost haunted this house. I can see why. It's a farmhouse that's over a hundred years old and has it's own barn and outhouse, not to mention a secret passage that Dawn once discovered accidentally. "I miss Dawn," I say suddenly.

Stacey pats my arm. "I know you do, Mary Anne. What made you bring that up though? Is it because I mentioned ghost stories?"

I can feel a lump rising in my throat that I try to swallow down. I really wish I weren't so sensitive sometimes. I nod, my eyes misty. "I'm sorry, I'm being so dumb right now."

"Not at all," Stacey says soothingly. "You were stepsisters after all. It's natural to miss her. It's just unfortunate that things had to turn out the way they did."

I nod again. "It really is. My dad is a completely different person now. I mean, it's almost like we're two strangers living together."

Stacey winces, and I know she's thinking she's grateful for her close relationship with her mother, but she doesn't say it aloud. My mother died when I was just a baby, and there are times when I know that things would be so much easier to have a mother to turn to. I once thought Sharon could be that person, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.

"I'm sorry, Mary Anne," she says sympathetically.

I shrug. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Let's watch _The Breakfast Club_. I don't want this to spoil our night. We were having so much fun."

Stacey looks slightly doubtful, but agrees. "Okay, but let's get some dessert first."

We head into the kitchen and I serve myself some ice cream while Stacey finds herself an apple. It amazes me how Stacey handles her diabetes without much complaint. I guess after living with it for so long it becomes easier to stick to her special diet, but I still think that it must take an amazing amount of will power. I really admire Stacey for that.

After the movie, I look at the clock and am surprised that it's almost nine o'clock. The day sure went by fast. Stacey and I head upstairs and change into our pajamas. I retrieve an air mattress and sheets from Dawn's old room, which we converted into a storage room. After we're done filling it up we fling ourselves onto my bed.

Stacey grabs one of my pillows and tucks it under her chin. "Do you think you and Logan will get back together?" she asks.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I want things to work out, but not under the conditions that we were in. I want him to come back to me and say he's ready to go into this with an open mind and a willingness to compromise."

"I'm sure he will," Stacey tries to sound confident, but her voice reflects doubt.

I couldn't help but have doubts myself. Once someone is set in their ways it hard to change their mentality. I wasn't expecting miracles, though. Just cooperation. I didn't feel like I was asking for much. Hopefully Logan would see it that way too. I try to convince myself that he'll come around.

"I think that I'm going to ask Lorenzo to lunch tomorrow," Stacey says then, breaking my thoughts. "Since I didn't get to ask him the first time."

I don't want to tell Stacey that I find myself attracted to Lorenzo. It's easier to admit now that there's no longer a burden of guilt on my shoulders. I still feel loyalty to Logan, but I don't feel uncomfortable for feeling the way I do. I realize Stacey has a more valid attraction than I do, and I don't want to be a road block for her.

"I think you should," I say, "If he feels like you're just as interested as he is, he'll probably ask you out. Then that fuzzy pink shirt won't go to waste."

"Hey, leave my fuzzy pink shirt alone!" Stacey exclaims. "I think you make a point though. I'm defnitely asking him. I hope you don't mind eating solo again. If he says yes, that is."

"He will. And honestly, I don't mind at all."

We let our conversation drift after that, and before I realize it I've fallen into a deep and restful sleep.

* * *

I wake the next morning and nearly step on Stacey, completely forgetting that she was there. We both wash our faces and brush our teeth, and I think how nice it would be if we were roomates living on our own.

I pull on a pair brown and white plaid pants with a white button down top while Stacey gets dressed in a purple sleeveless dress with a black line running underneath the chest. I feel so plain next to Stacey sometimes. She makes everything seem effortless.

I know those are just my own insecurities, though, and I can't let them affect my thinking. I go downstairs and pack a lunch while Stacey finishes putting on her makeup in the bathroom. Since she's planning on asking Lorenzo out to lunch today I decide to be prepared.

Once Stacey's ready we pile into my car. Stacey chatters excitedly about her possbile lunch plans. She worries that Lorenzo will say no. I can't imagine he will, and I tell her so which seems to make her feel better.

I pull into the parking lot and we walk in, saying our usual hellos to Becky. When I get to my desk, I'm surprised to find Dan in his office so I stop in to greet him.

"Mary Anne, I'm glad you're here. I was wondering if you had a minute."

I swallow nervously. I don't think I could be in trouble, so what could he want to talk about? "Of course, Dan," I reply.

I sit down on one of his guest chairs and he gets up to shut the door. Hmmm.

He sits back down at his desk. I realize I shouldn't be nervous. Despite his position Dan is really a nice guy. He doesn't even like to wear suits all the time, which for some reason makes him less intimidating. He's a fair boss, and he treats everyone with respect. He's definitely well liked in this company.

He must notice the look on my face because right away he says, "Don't worry, you're not in trouble or anything. In fact, I want to take the time to let you know I think you're doing a great job. You are one of the most organized assistants I've ever had. What I wanted to talk to you about was a sales project. Have you gotten the chance to meet Lorenzo Forelli?"

_What does he have to do with this?_ I can't help but think. "Yes, Kate introduced him to everyone."

"Well, great. So we wanted him to update the brochures for the company until he gets fully trained on our sales process and can actually go out on his own. It's a pretty big job, and I know you're really great with putting my correspondences together. So I was wondering if you could work with him on the wording for the brochure, and he'll work on the graphics and layout. Are you comfortable with that?"

_Yes, yes, yes!_ "Of course, Dan. I would love to work on the brochures."

"Great. Let me bring him in as well so we can go over this with him." He buzzes Lorenzo on his phone and a few minutes later he walks in, looking really great in blue button down shirt and gray slacks.

"Hi, Mary Anne," he greets me as he sits in the other guest chair.

"Hi, Lorenzo."

Dan reviews the project with Lorenzo, who nods appreciatively. "That sounds great," he comments when he finishes. He turns to me. "Thanks for helping me with this."

"Oh it's no problem," I reply, feeling my face turn red.

"Well you guys have your work cut out for you I'd say. I would like to see a rough cut of the new brochure by the end of the week." Dan turns to his computer then, signaling the end of our meeting.

Lorenzo and I get up and walk out. "Well looks like we've got lots to work on."

"Yeah," I agree. "But we'll get it done by the end of the week."

"Well, I definitely think we should get started right away. Why don't we go to lunch together today and start going over some ideas?"

I stop dead in my tracks. Uh-oh.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Lorenzo is looking at me expectantly. He's waiting for my reply.

Why did he have to ask me to lunch? I mean, part of me agrees with him and thinks that we should take some time to brainstorm ideas, and the other part of me is seeing Stacey's face when she finds out.

"Mary Anne?" Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap.

"Okay," I squeak.

"Great. I'll stop back here at noon, okay?"

I nod, my brain no longer in control of my bodily functions. Stacey is going to _kill_ me. "That sounds fine," I say hoarsely.

Lorenzo heads back downstairs while I slump in my desk chair. Okay, it's not like he asked me out on a date. I mean, it's just a business lunch. We are going over ideas for the brochure and that's it. Stacey can't be mad at that, can she?

I glance at the clock. It's already nine. I guess I'll find out soon. I'm sure Stacey will understand. I'm sure of it.

* * *

I walk cautiously into the break room and look around. Good. No sign of Stacey. I'm still safe. Maybe I can buy a bag of chips before she kills me. 

I sit at our usual table and start absently munching on my Doritos. I see Stacey come down a minute later and look directly at me. I immediately look down into my chips, pretending I didn't see her.

"Mary Anne?" Oh boy.

"Hey, Stace!" I exclaim with too much enthusiasm.

She sits down across from me. "Lorenzo tells me you have lunch plans with him today."

I swallow and bite my lip. "Yes, we do."

"Why, may I ask?"

"Oh, well Dan gave us this huge project and Lorenzo thought we should – "

She cuts me off. "Do you not recall I had plans to ask him out to lunch today?"

"Of course I remember. It's just that – "

She cuts me off again. "So it didn't cross your mind that I might be upset?"

"Well, it did but – "

"But you just didn't care," she finishes.

This is ridiculous. I am not getting a word in edgewise. She is being completely unreasonable.

"Look, Stacey, why don't you let me finish? Dan gave us a project to work on and Lorenzo thought we should go to lunch to go over ideas. I did not ask him, he asked me. And of course I thought about your plans to ask him, but what could I do? This is a huge project and it needs to be done by the end of the week. It only makes sense to get started right away. I had no intentions of ruining your plans, trust me. I feel awful enough as it is." I say this in a big rush without taking a breath so she won't interrupt again.

Stacey sits there silently. "Mary Anne, you could've just said no. I mean, do you really need to start this project today?"

"Do you really need to go to lunch with him today?" Woops, that just slipped right out.

Stacey looks surprised. "Well, sorry Mary Anne, I didn't realize it was so important to you. Of _course_ you should go to lunch today. I mean_ what_ was I _thinking_?" Her voice is dripping with unnecessary sarcasm.

I can feel my blood begin to boil. "Listen, Stacey. Our lunch plans are strictly business. It is not a date, and I am not trying to make Lorenzo like me. Besides you've already gone to lunch with him. So why shouldn't I go today?"

Stacey's eyes are flashing. "What are we competing now?" she shouts. Several people turn around to stare. I'm glad Lorenzo isn't in the break room right now.

"Shh," I hiss. "You are being unreasonable Stacey. Of course we're not competing. I'm sorry that I ruined your plans. I really am. Don't be mad at me for this, okay? You know I'm happy that you found someone you like and want to get to know better. I would never do anything to get in the way of that. You're my best friend, and that's more important to me than going to lunch with Lorenzo. Just understand that this is for Dan, okay? I really want to make a good impression on him. He could be a great reference in the future, and I can really prove myself with this project."

Stacey softens slightly. "Fine," she says coolly. "I know it's for work, it's just I got all dressed up and now I'm not going to lunch with him."

"You can go to lunch tomorrow," I suggest.

"Gee, thanks for letting me."

That does it. I am trying to be nice and sympathetic and Stacey is being completely stubborn. Why should I keep trying to be nice if she clearly isn't? "You know what, Stace? It is not my fault that this project came up and if you can't see that then it isn't my problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work."

I march away before she can respond but I can still hear her mutter, "Yeah, better get started on that big project."

I stomp up the stairs. Stacey is being so childish. Why should I feel bad when she's being so rude? I'm so busy being mad I smack right into someone coming down the stairs. I look up in surprise. It's Lorenzo. Of all people…

"I'm sorry!" I exclaim at the same time that he says, "Hey!" Then he realizes who smacked into him. "Hi, Mary Anne! Is everything okay? You look upset."

I take a deep breath. "I'm fine," I lie. I can't tell him what's wrong. He's pretty much the problem.

Lorenzo looks doubtful, but doesn't say anything. "Well, okay. If you say so. I'll try and cheer you up at lunch."

"Really, I'm fine. I'll see you later, okay?" I hurry past him, hoping I won't have to hear any more questions.

I had figured Stacey would not be happy, but I really didn't think she'd blow up the way she did. A big part of me felt guilty for the way I acted in the breakroom, but then I tell myself that I was being reasonable and she was being out of line.

I think back to this morning when Dan had originally told me about the project, how excited I'd been. Mainly because I would get to work with Lorenzo, but also because I wanted the chance to prove myself to Dan. I value his opinion. However, this project was shaping up to be more trouble than it's worth.

* * *

Lorenzo comes by my desk precisely at noon. He sure is punctual. "Ready to go? I hope you're hungry because I know this place that has the _best_ Italian food." 

I manage a weak smile. "Famished," I tell him.

We head outside to his car, prompting a weird look from Becky on our way out. Great, someone else I have to worry about. Lorenzo's car is a realtively new silver BMW. I can't help but be impressed.

"Nice car," I comment.

"Thanks, it was a college graduation gift from my dad."

"All I got for my high school graduation from my dad was a pat on the back," I joke.

Lorenzo laughs. He has a nice laugh, rich and deep.

Lorenzo holds the door open for me and I try not to blush as I slide into the passenger seat. I wish I'd dressed in something nicer. _This is not a date,_ I scold myself.

As soon as Lorenzo's on the road he glances at my hand. "What happened to your ring? Did you forget it at home?"

I should have just said yes so I wouldn't need to get into the whole story about Logan, but for some reason my mouth responds quicker than my brain does. "No, my fiance and I broke up."

Lorenzo raises his eyebrows. "Really? Well, I'm sorry to hear that. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want."

"He was just too controlling, that's all. Plus his mother would call all the time and he would just drop everything for her. I felt like he didn't care about our relationship as much as I did." Oh my lord. I have said way too much. I bite my lip and stare out the window.

"Well, if he wasn't willing to make it work it's his loss, I'd say."

I can feel a fluttering in my chest. "Thanks," I say, wondering exactly how many shades of red I've just turned.

He smiles at me and then turns into a parking lot. "Here we are," he announces. He reaches into his backseat and grabs a notebook pad. I feel dumb for not thinking to bring one. It is a business lunch after all.

I wonder if this is the same place he took Stacey. I try to think back and remember if she said they had Italian, but can't recall. It probably is. The restaurant is outside of Stoneybrook so I've never been before. It's called Roma's and looks nice enough.

We head inside and are seated immediately. The inside had dark wood paneling on the walls and intimate tables with white linen table cloths. It looks like the perfect place for a date. I wait for guys to come out singing "Bella Notte" but they don't.

As soon as we're seated Lorenzo says "By the way, lunch is on me. My treat for your help on this project."

"Well, I haven't helped yet. You don't have to treat."

"I insist," he says, and I shrug, letting it go.

I open up the menu and realize the food does look pretty good. I instantly decide on the toasted ravioli. After we place our order, I glance around the restaurant and then back to Lorenzo and see he's staring at me. I look away again. I don't know what to say.

Luckily, Lorenzo does. He clears his throat. "So Mary Anne, what do you think of this place? My best friend's family owns it so I've been coming here for years."

"It's very nice," is all I can say.

He nods. There's a long awkward silence. I should just start talking about this project so I won't feel so uncomfortable. "So, did you take a look at the old brochures to get an idea of what we're starting with?"

"Yeah, I did. They look like they were done awhile ago. The buildings in the pictures seem old. I thought I would go onsite to some of our new developments and take some new photographs." He starts writing notes to himself on his notebook.

"That's a good idea. Did you happen to bring one so I can take a look at the wording?"

He hands me a brochure he'd tucked underneath the last page of the notebook. It's pretty standard, it has a history of the company and some accolades that have been received over the years. It details the departments and names the managers for each, along with a photo and brief description of their accomplishments. I recognize that some of the people are no longer with the company, and make a mental note to start asking some of the new managers about what kinds of things they'd like to go in their description.

I hand it back to him, and feel silly for not having my own notebook. Luckily, our waitress comes by with our food so at least I have something to do other than stare absently into space.

Lorenzo takes a big bite of his pasta. He ordered pasta with anchovies and garlic all over it. He told me the name but it seemed hard to say so I forgot. It's extremely smelly but I don't say anything. "How's your food?" he asks once he's swallowed.

I dip a ravioli into the spicy marinara it came with. "It's great," I say honestly. "I really love this marinara sauce."

He smiles, apparently pleased by my response. "Glad you like it. So, are you feeling better than you were earlier?"

I nearly choke on my ravioli and have to take a large sip of water. My eyes well up and I fan them, feeling like a complete moron.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" Lorenzo asks with a slight smile on his face.

I swallow a huge chunk of ravioli and shake my head. "No, not at all. I was okay earlier. Really. I was just upset with Stacey over something really dumb. It's not a big deal." I'm realize talking a lot and probably don't sound very convincing.

"What happened with Stacey that upset you?" Boy, he sure is nosy.

"Nothing, really. Just silly girl stuff."

"She's not mad that we're going to lunch together is she?"

How did he know that? "No, not at all. She's not like that." _But she is, _I think.

"Oh okay, good. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea, that's all."

I nod, not really knowing how to respond.

Luckily, Lorenzo decides to change the subject. "So, Mary Anne, what kinds of things do you do for fun?"

"I like to read and knit. I used to baby-sit all the time, but I don't really anymore."

"I think Stacey mentioned something like that. You guys had some kind of club?"

I redden. I almost feel immature talking about the BSC now. "Yeah, we did. That's actually how we were introduced."

"Well I guess it was a good thing for that club then." I can't tell if he's being serious or mocking me, but given he hasn't shown any signs of being a jerk I figure it's the former.

"So what do you like to do?" I ask him.

"I like to play basketball mainly. I played in high school and my freshman year in college, but I decided to stop because it took up a lot of my time. Most of the guys on the team want that to be their life, but I wanted to focus on my studies more." It sounded like a response you'd give on a job interview.

"Well, you're hired," I joke, hoping he'll catch on.

He does. He throws his head back and laugs that deep, rich laugh again. He smiles at me. "Good one," he says, prompting me to smile back at him. "You have a really nice smile," he says suddenly. "It lights up your whole face."

I feel myself flush. "T-Thank you," I stammer. He must think I'm such a dork.

"Well, Mary Anne, I hope you don't mind my saying so, but after talking to you I'm beginning to question your fiance's sanity." He winks. Oh my goodness he's flirting with me!

"Well it takes two to tango," I say, and immediately feel moronic. "I mean, I'm sure there are some things I could work on as well."

"Not from where I sit."

I flush an even deeper shade of red. This lunch is heading in a different direction. Time to get things back on track. "So…I think we really have some great ideas here. This project isn't going to be as bad as I thought."

Lorenzo looks confused for a moment, then shakes his head. "Right…right. Well, we make a good team." He smiles again.

Our waitress comes by then, saving me the embarassment of having to respond to that. She drops our check on the table which Lorenzo immediately snatches up, and then begins to clear our plates. I realized we've talked so much there's still half of my food left. It doesn't matter. My stomach is suddenly full of knots, so I'm not very hungry anyway. "I appreciate you coming to lunch with me, Mary Anne. You were a big help."

I don't really think I did anything, but say thanks anyway. We get up to leave after Lorenzo has paid and I thank him again for lunch.

"No problem," he replies as he holds the restaurant door open for me.

The drive back to work is quiet. I'm too deep in thought at what just happened. I feel like I'm in a dream, where everything is foggy and I can't quite make sense of anything. Did he really flirt with me or did I imagine it? Was he the exact same way with Stacey? Is he just a charming person who likes to flirt?

Lorenzo pulls into the parking lot and turns to me. "Well, I had fun. We should do this again sometime, don't you think?" He stares at me intently and then leans forward, and for a horrifying moment I sense he's going to kiss me. I jump back and fumble with the car door. "Yes, it was very nice, but I'll have to get back to you later on that. Well, thanks again, I'll see you later!" And with that I rush outside and towards the building, leaving Lorenzo behind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

"So, how did it go?" I look up and see Stacey standing by my desk. It's five o'clock, and I nearly forget that I gave Stacey a ride to work. She probably figures she'll play nice so she still gets a ride.

"Fine." I say tightly. I'm not in the mood to make small talk with her. "Ready?"

Stacey looks hurt at my lack of response, but only nods.

We walk to my car in silence. At the exact moment I turn out of the parking lot, Stacey turns to me and says, "Look I'm sorry for overreacting earlier. I should know you well enough to know you weren't being deceitful. I was just being jealous, and I don't even know why. It's not like Lorenzo is my boyfriend so I have no reason to act that way."

I'm still annoyed, but see no real reason to be a brat about it. At least she came to her senses and apologized. I feel a slight tug in my chest and realize it's guilt. The lunch was supposed to be a business lunch but I felt like there was more. Then again maybe I'd imagined the whole thing. He'd probably be better off with Stacey anyway. She seemed to be more his type, and she didn't come with any strings attached.

"It's fine," I reply, trying to sound cool and pleasant at the same time. "It just hurt that you weren't willing to listen, like you don't even trust me. I thought we were better friends than that." The feelings of anger begin to rise again.

"We are! I know, I was stupid. I don't want to fight Mary Anne," Stacey pleads.

"Don't worry about it, Stacey. We're not fighting. I forgive you." I throw in the last part just in case it's what she wants to hear. Vocal confirmation that I'm not holding a grudge. Sometimes people say things are okay when they aren't. They say "I'm not mad" when they are, so as not to create further conflict. Even though I was still hurt, I didn't want to make things miserable between us. Stacey gave me the upper hand to better the situtation. She apologized, and I could choose to either be stubborn and give her the cold shoulder, or accept her apology and be the bigger person. Work would be terrible if we were fighting anyway, and since we hung out so much it would be apparent that we were fighting by the end of the first day.

"Oh I'm so glad you understand!" Stacey squeals. She gives my arm a squeeze.

She's putting words in my mouth but I let it go. I don't want to fight.

I don't say anything for the rest of the drive, but Stacey doesn't seem to notice. She seems content enough in the fact that I've forgiven her. She doesn't bring up my lunch with Lorenzo and I'm glad. I don't want to have to talk about what could or could not have happened had I not rushed out of the car after he drove us back. Not like I would mention any of that to Stacey anyway.

I pull into Stacey's driveway and she hops out. "See you tomorrow!" she calls out.

I give a short wave and start home. On the way there my cell phone rings. Figuring it's Stacey telling me she forgot something in my car I snatch it up. "Hello?" I ask, putting the phone against my ear and trying to cradle it with my shoulder.

"Mary Anne, it's Logan."

I nearly swerve off the street. I regain my composure and take a deep breath. "Hi Logan," I reply, trying to keep my voice light.

"Listen, can you talk?" He sounds so quiet, as if he's very far away. It hasn't even been two full days since I broke things off. If he thinks he's thought things through properly I highly doubt it.

"Not really. I'm on my way home and I don't want to talk while I'm driving. But Logan, we just spoke on Saturday and I thought I made things pretty clear. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well…us, of course. Our relationship."

I clench my jaw. "Logan, did you even take what I said to heart?"

"Of course I did. I miss you Mary Anne. I've been miserable since you left. I need to see you so we can talk."

"Logan, I miss you too. But I think we both need to think things through. It hasn't even been two days. We have a lot of problems we need to sort out and that's not going to happen in two days."

I hear Logan sigh on the other end. "I know. I just want to see you," he says quietly.

Hearing him makes my heart break, but I can't give in. We'll be right back to square one. He really didn't seem to take anything from our conversation which makes me angry. I pour my heart out to him and he thinks he can patch things up in one phone conversation simply because he misses me? "Logan, how will seeing me make things better? You know, I'm pretty disappointed that you aren't taking this as seriously as I am. I didn't want to do what I did, but I did it because I felt our relationship would be stronger if we took some time apart to figure out what we wanted from each other. You are just taking the easy way out right now, which tells me you don't really care." As I speak, I get angrier with every word.

"Mary Anne – "

"No, Logan. I have nothing to say to you. And if you really cared about making this relationship work, you would take more time to think about what I said and not call me two days later because you're horny and trying to mask it by saying you miss me. Call me when you've actually taken time to look at our relationship and are willing to make some sacrafices. Until then there's no reason for me to talk to you." With that, I snap my phone shut and pull into my driveway. So much for not talking on the road. I realize that I'm breathing heavily and try to calm down. By the time I've gone inside and up to my room, I've convinced myself I did the right thing.

* * *

I step into the shower, letting the warm spray hit my back. I realize how much my muscles ache. All the tension I've stored there these past couple days has built up. I stand under the water for what seems like forever, until I finally feel my muscles relax. I take some raspberry scented shampoo and massage it into my scalp. I rinse my hair clean and then wash it again. As silly as it sounds, I've felt that my hair looks better when I "lather, rinse, repeat." I pick up the matching raspberry scented conditioner and work it into my hair. 

I let it work for a few minutes while I shave my legs. I decide in the shower I want to wear a skirt tomorrow and look extra special. Despite what I had told Stacey earlier about going to lunch with Lorenzo tomorrow I realize I have a small hope he'll ask me again. I want to look nice if he does.

I take my time in the shower. I feel like I want to cleanse myself of all the feelings I've gone through. Guilt, hurt, humiliation, anger, and jealousy. Not the best feelings. I scrub my skin with some exfoliating cream until it feels smooth and smells like lavender.

I finally finish nearly forty minutes later and wrap a towel around myself. The bathroom is completely steamed up. I wipe away some of the steam from the mirror and attempt to begin detangling my hair with a wide toothed comb. I'm halfway through when I hear the phone ring. It better not be Logan.

"Coming!" I call to no one in particular as I nearly slip and crack my skull on the wet floor in my haste to answer the phone. I make it to my room in one piece and pick up the extension. "Hello?" I say breathlessly.

There's a long pause on the other end. Finally a familiar voice says, "Mary Anne?"

"Kristy?" I say uncertainly. It's been so long I almost am not sure if it's her. Why would be be calling? Suddenly, I panic. What if something has happened to Watson or Elizabeth…or worse, one of the kids? "Kristy, is everything okay? Did something happen to one of your family members?" I realize I sound frantic.

"No, Mary Anne, nothing like that. I'm know I'm calling out of the blue, but really, get a grip." Same old Kristy. Blunt, and to the point even if its hurtful.

I'm immediately offended. "Sorry for caring," I hiss. "It's just we haven't spoken in a few years and I'm wondering what the nature of this call could be. In case you'd forgotten, you told me you didn't care to speak to me again and claimed I chose Stacey over you. So why don't you just get to the point."

Kristy doesn't say anything for a moment. "Geez, fine." Kristy doesn't realize it's been a few years and I'm not the same Mary Anne that lets people walk all over her. "Sam told me he saw you the other day at the shop that's all. I've actually been debating on whether or not to call you the past couple of days. I finally decided I should."

"So I've noticed. Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"No, that's _not_ all. This isn't the easiest for me to say so I'd appreciate a little understanding okay?" she asks defensively.

I realized a long time ago that I depended to heavily on my friendship with Kristy. I had somehow managed to convince myself that I needed Kristy's approval on anything. She had a lot of influence on my thoughts and actions. I'm still a little dependant on those people I'm close to, but I've learned to rely on my own opinions and thoughts more. If Kristy is calling because she thinks I'll jump at the chance to be her friend again, she has another thing coming. "Fine," I tell her, trying to sound pleasant. "What did you want to say to me?"

Kristy takes a deep breath. "I've thought about you over the years, obviously. I've thought about our friendship and what we used to have. I've come to the realization that I miss having you around. I know we'll never be the friends we once were and I accept that. I know now that I was being stubborn and unfair for forcing you to choose between me and Stacey and…I'm sorry." I could tell the last part killed her to say.

For a moment I don't quite know how to respond. This is certainly not the Kristy I remember. The Kristy I remember could hold a grudge even if she was proven wrong. She was the most stubborn person I had ever met. She didn't care what other people thought of her and certainly wouldn't go out of her way to admit fault. So why was she doing it now? I couldn't help but be suspicious. "I'm glad you realized the difficult position you put me in," I say slowly. "But I can't help but wonder what the sudden turnaround is. Why are you doing this now?"

"So you think I have some kind of ulterior motive?"

"Well, not necessarily, but we haven't talked in nearly three years. So forgive me for being a little caught off guard."

"Look, Mary Anne, there's no catch here. I just wanted to call and tell you how I felt. It was a pretty difficult thing for me to do, so I'm sorry if you think it's suspicious. I just hoped we could get together for lunch sometime, maybe catch up. I'm home for the summer, so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity. I really do miss our friendship." She sounds like she wants to say more, but doesn't. Kristy was never really one to pour out her feelings, so this must be all new for her.

I soften. "I would like that," I say. "And I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I miss our friendship too, but just realize that I was really hurt and I'd moved on. But it would be nice to catch up and see what you've been up to."

I hear Kristy breathe a small sigh of relief. "Good. Wanna go tomorrow?"

Wow. That was fast. "Um…sure." I say uncertainly. I don't have plans, and it might be good to stay clear of Stacey for a day, just until things are really okay between us.

"Okay, great! Do you want me to pick you up? Are you working now?"

"Uh, no. Why don't I meet you somewhere." I'd forgotten that Kristy had no clue where I worked, or that I was even working with Stacey. I didn't want her to know any of that. At least not right now.

"Oh, okay. Well, why don't we go to the Rosebud Café? For old times sake."

The Rosebud is nearly on the other side of town, but I guess I can manage a quick lunch, if I hurry. "That sounds fine. We can meet there at noon."

"Cool. See you tomorrow, Mary Anne!" Kristy sounds happy when she hangs up.

I replace the phone in its receiver. I head back to the bathroom and blow dry my hair, which is now slightly frizzy. Tomorrow should be an interesting day. I don't know anything about what Kristy has done while at school. Or how she even looks. A small part of me is excited about our lunch, while the other is worried sick. Should I tell her about Logan and how we're no longer together? Should I talk about Lorenzo and Stacey? I don't want to just divulge all this personal information to someone I don't quite fully trust yet. I should probably just play it safe tomorrow.

When I'm finished with my hair, I go to my room and toss my towel on the bed, then change into black shorts and a blue tank top. I head to my closet and pick out clothes to wear tomorrow. I still want to dress up, even if I'm not going to lunch with Lorenzo. Not like I ever really was. I choose a white flowy skirt with lilac flowers stitched on it and a lilac top with lacy cap sleeves. It's another new shirt that I bought the day I went to the mall with Stacey. The thought of Stacey makes me cringe. I didn't realize what I would tell Stacey. Hopefully she wouldn't be too upset that I'm going to lunch with Kristy. As long as she sticks to her plan of asking Lorenzo out, I doubt she'll even care.

I hear the door open and close downstairs. Dad's home. "Mary Anne!" he calls up a moment later. "I brought home some Chinese food if you'd like some." I head downstairs and find him serving himself fried rice and chicken wings.

"Thanks, Dad." I say gratefully, grabbing a plate from the cupboard and spooning some food onto it.

He only nods, then grabs two sodas from the fridge and sets them down on the table. He takes one for himself. "If you need me I'll be in my office. I've go so much work to do." With that he turns and moves down the hall to his office. I watch him go, with his robotic movements and face void of emotion.

I wish things could be easier like when I was younger, back when your biggest worry was whether or not you'd finish your term paper on time. I wished my father cared about me the way he once did, even when he was being super strict and forcing me to wear my hair in pigtails and talk on the phone for no more than ten minutes on a school night. I missed how Kristy and I would use our flashlights to signal messages to each other from our windows before we both moved away. It's weird to be here in this house sometimes, when the reason we moved here was because of a marriage that no longer exists. I stand there for awhile before I finally sigh, grab the soda can from the table, and take my food upstairs for another lonely dinner.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I wake up to the sun streaming through my windows. I jump out of bed, slap my alarm clock to stop it from its incessant buzzing and peer outside. It's a perfect day, not a cloud in the sky. I smile. Perhaps this is a sign that today will be a good day.

I want to look good today. To impress Kristy in a way. Make it clear that I'm doing just fine and that the loss of her friendship didn't ruin my life the way I imagine she thinks it did. This will be a casual lunch to catch up, and I really have no intentions rebuilding our friendship. She'll become the person who calls you every few months to see how you're doing, and you carry on a regular phone conversation as if you chat with the person every day. You'll then hang up and go about your lives and forget them until the next time you either call them or they call you. I'm content with this arrangement.

I pull on my skirt and glance self conciously at my legs. I wish they were tanner, but I found out the hard way my skin has somewhat of an aversion to the sun and I can't really lay out and get some decent color. Stacey once suggested I fake tan, and we even bought some creams that I'm sure are in my room somewhere, but I don't have the time for that not to mention I'm afraid I'll come out looking like a zebra. I shrug and slip on some nylons, which will have to do. I pull on my shirt and glance in the mirror. My legs look much better. I slip on some white sandals with a low heel, and put on some small silver hoop earrings.

I plug in my curling iron that I hardly ever use and try to curl my ends the way Stacey's were the day she went to lunch with Lorenzo. When I'm finished, I give myself an approving look. Not bad. I apply my makeup, making sure to use matching lilac eye shadow and dark brown eye liner. I'm actually somewhat surprised when I give myself a final glance. I don't look like I usually do. I look older. I grab my purse and hurry to my car, almost eager to get to work.

I drive quickly and make it to work in just over ten minutes, which must be some sort of record. I breeze inside, feeling confident. "Hey Mary Anne!" Becky calls out. "You look great!" She ushers me over. "So what were you doing with Lorenzo yesterday? Is he two-timing Stacey already?"

I sigh. Becky is clearly looking for gossip to spread. "We went to lunch to discuss a project Dan assigned to us. If you don't believe me, why don't you just ask your dad about it?"

Becky's face falls. "Nah, that's okay. I believe you. You're not the type to do that sort of thing anyway. Besides, you're engaged."

"Right," I reply, and walk away before she can look at my ringless hand.

I go upstairs to my desk without stopping to see if Stacey's at her desk. I check Dan's voicemail and leave him his messages, then decide I need to start work on the brochure. I go downstairs to the sales area to grab a brochure from the rack. I steal a quick glance at Lorenzo's desk and notice it's empty. I can't help but frown.

I work on the brochure until it's break time and realize I don't really want to go downstairs and have to see Stacey. I'm hoping to avoid her this morning so as not to tell her my lunch plans.

I keep working until I hear a tap at my desk. I look up expecting Stacey but instead see Lorenzo. "My, you're certainly working hard," he says with a smile. "Why aren't you down in the break room? I was looking for you."

My throat goes dry. "Oh, I'm just working on this brochure."

"Good. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Your friend Stacey just asked me to lunch again, but I told her no because I wanted to know if you wanted to go again. I think we should until we finish this project, don't you agree?"

I pale, and hope Lorenzo doesn't notice. He turned her down to go with me? Oh, _no_. "You didn't have to do that," I say weakly. "I mean, I think we should work on this project as much as we can too, but I actually had other lunch plans today. So you can go with Stacey if you want."

Lorenzo's face clouds with disappointment. "Oh…yeah okay. Well, have fun at lunch then. I guess I'll just see you later."

As he walks away, I feel a small flutter in my stomach. He had actually planned to go to lunch with me again! Still, I was glad he was going with Stacey. It just made more sense, and I didn't want her to think I was actively trying to take Lorenzo away. Despite the hurtful things she had said yesterday, I still cared about her and didn't want to jeopardize our friendship over some guy.

At noon, I leap out of my seat and rush outside. I am actually excited to see Kristy, to see how she's changed and what she looks like. I weave through the streets of Stoneybrook to the Rosebud Café. When I arrive, I try to look through the window for Kristy but don't see someone resembling her. I smooth my skirt and walk inside.

"Hi, welcome to the Rosebud. How many?" a waitress asks me.

"Two, please. I'm waiting for someone."

"Right this way," she leads me to an empty booth and leaves two menus at the table. "Someone will be right with you," she says before she walks away.

I nod and pick up my menu. I immediately decide on the tuna melt and set my menu back down. I realize I don't have Kristy's cell phone number to call and see if she's on her way. It doesn't matter though because at that moment she walks in. She still looks like Kristy, but she seems to have more care for her appearance. Her brown hair is still in a messy ponytail, but it has pretty auburn colored highlights. She's wearing jeans, of course, but instead of a plain T-shirt she's wearing a cute black and white striped tank top. She even looks like she's gotten some curves, although the tank top still isn't filled out very much. I see her scan the restaurant and give her a big smile. Her gaze rests on me, and she breaks out into a grin. She walks over. "Hey there," she says, taking a seat across from me at our booth.

"Hey yourself," I tell her. "You look nice. I love your hair! Those highlights go so well with your color!"

She blushes. She actually looks shy for a minute. As quickly as it came,though, it passes. She sits forward and squares her shoulders. "Thanks," she says, trying to sound casual. "This girl on my team Amy did them. It's not really a big deal."

"Well, they look great. You look really good, Kristy."

"Look who's talking. You look so different, Mary Anne! I can't put my finger on why. Is it the makeup?"

Now it's my turn to blush. "I've tried to experiment," I say. "I actually like it. One day Stacey just sat me down and put all this stuff on me. I guess it grew on me." I bite my lip and wished I hadn't brought up Stacey's name so early in the conversation. _Way to go, Mary Anne_.

Kristy doesn't respond for a minute. "Like Izzy," she says suddenly.

"Huh?" Izzy? What was she talking about?

Kristy sighs. "You remember Izzy, don't you? She was that CIT from Camp Mohawk who gave me a makeover with the other girls, Tansy and Lauren."

"Oh! Right! Before the dance, I remember! We were all saying how great you looked. I was too busy worrying about what to say to Logan, and trying to impress my CITs. They thought I was a big baby." I cringe at the memory at how silly I acted.

Kristy laughs. "How is Logan?" she asks.

I bite my lip again. Oh well. No sense in keeping it a secret. "He's fine," I reply. "We've actually decided to take some time off. We were, um, engaged but it wasn't really working out."

Kristy's eyes widen. "Engaged?! Wow! What happened?"

"We were just at different view points. We didn't break up. I just thought we should have some time to think about our relationship's direction."

Kristy nods thoughtfully. She must sense my discomfort because she doesn't press the issue further. "So…how's Stacey?"

I don' t get a chance to respond because a waiter comes by then to take our orders. Kristy hadn't even looked at the menu yet, but orders a chef's salad. I place my order and we're left alone again. "Stacey's fine," I say slowly. "We…work together. At this place called IMG Construction."

Kristy makes a weird face. "You work together? Hmm. Is that why you didn't want me to pick you up at work?"

I blush. "Kinda," I admit. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to upset you."

Kristy looks at me for a long time. "It's cool, Mary Anne," she says finally. "I'm not mad anymore. You can't spend your whole life being mad over things like that. Just one of the things you learn when you get older, I guess. I was pretty immature, but I realize that. If you waste all this time being mad over silly things you could ruin some pretty important relationships." She gives me a pointed look and I immediately know what she's talking about.

Suddenly, I realize Kristy's right. Why should I spend so much time being angry with people I care about? I shouldn't want to only be Kristy's "sometime" friend. We grew up together. And here she was, reaching out to me, acknowledging her fault. I reach across the table and pat her hand. "You're right," I tell her. "So how are things in Arizona?"

Kristy's face breaks into a big smile. "Great! I really like the girls on my team. We all get along really well. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind living out there. I really love Arizona. It just feels different than here. It's so wide and spacious. And hot! I'll tell you, I don't miss winter one bit."

I chuckle. "That must be nice to have warm weather all the time. So are you seeing anyone in Arizona?"

Kristy looks slightly surprised, but shakes her head. "Not really. I've gone on a couple dates. I used to date this girl named Kelly but she broke it off."

I nearly spit out my water. Kristy never mentioned dating girls before. I lower my voice. "Wow. I didn't know you were a lesbian."

"You didn't? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you knew. I guess I hadn't really told anyone out here officially, but I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Does your family know?"

"Yes. Believe it or not, they were all okay with it. Watson was a little weirded out I think, but he got over it."

"How, um, long have you known?"

Kristy giggles. "Relax, Mary Anne. It's not like it's a disease!"

I smile. I must sound like an ignorant fool. "Sorry, Kristy. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant – "

"I know what you meant. Well, I guess about two years ago I finally admitted it to myself, although it was probably before that."

"Oh, okay." I'm not really sure how else to respond.

Our waiter comes by with our food and there's a momentary silence as we dig in. "I'm really glad you agreed to come to lunch with me, Mary Anne," Kristy says between mouthfuls. She swallows and takes a sip of her water. "We should do this again. I don't go back until late August."

"I'd like that." I take a french fry a swirl it in some ketchup.

"Maybe Stacey can come too."

I look up in surprise. "Stacey? Sure, I'll ask her. I think she would love to come."

Kristy looks pleased. "I would like to apologize to her too."

"I think that's really great, Kristy," I tell her sincerely. The rest of the lunch flies by. Before I know it, it's nearly one o'clock. "Shoot! Kristy, I'm really sorry but I have to get going. My work is on the other side of town and I'll be late if I don't hurry." I give her a ten. "Here. This is my half. Why don't I give you my cell phone number too. You can give me a call sometime. We can get together."

We exchange phone numbers and I grab my purse. "It was really nice to see you again. I'm glad you're doing so well at school. Don't forget to call me. Maybe we can catch a movie or something."

Kristy nods. "It was nice to see you too, Mary Anne. You look really great by the way. I'll give you a call next week sometime."

I smile at her one last time and hurry outside. I arrive at work at ten after one. Not bad. Breathless, I heave open the door and rush to my desk before anyone notices I'm late.

I'm surprised to see Stacey waiting by my desk. "There you are," she says, tapping her foot impatiently. "I've been waiting here forever!"

"Sorry, Stace. We went to the Rosebud and I came back as fast as I could."

"Who did you go to the Rosebud with?"

Whoops. I never told Stacey about my lunch plans today. "Oh…well, believe it or not, Kristy. She called me last night and – "

"_Kristy_! You went to the Rosebud with Kristy and didn't tell me?"

"Sorry, Stace," I say again. "It was kind of last minute. She called to apologize about the way she acted and asked if I would go to lunch with her. She actually wants to see you too. She really feels bad for the way she acted."

"Well she should," Stacey snaps. "I mean, she acted like a total bitch."

Her words hit me like a slap across the face. "Well okay, then. I'll tell her you feel that way. I guess you won't want to go to lunch with us anytime soon."

Stacey sighs. "Look, I didn't mean that. Crap. I'm having a really bad day which is why I've been waiting to talk to you."

I have a feeling I know what's coming. "What's wrong?" I ask sympathetically.

"Well, it's Lorenzo. I asked him to lunch today at break, and he said he had plans. Then ten minutes later he comes to my desk and tells me he can go with me after all. So I was so excited and went looking for you, but I couldn't find you. Now I know why. Anyway, he was acting so weird at lunch. Like, he was all distant. I kept asking him things and it'd take him five minutes to even respond. Did something happen to him that you know of? I just figured that project you guys have is stressing him out."

I nearly breathe a sigh of relief. Thank goodness Lorenzo didn't mention anything about wanting to go to lunch with me instead. I'm glad Stacey has no idea why he turned her down the first time. "Yeah, that's probably it," I tell her. "I'm sure by the end of this week he'll be fine again."

"Well I sure hope so. I asked him to the movies on Saturday and he said okay! I can finally wear my fuzzy pink top!"

I'm so surprised by her response I don't think to make a joke about the fuzzy top. "You asked him?"

"Well, yeah, I mean it's not like the guy has to ask the girl anymore. Besides, I got tired of waiting for him to make his move. He's probably just shy or something. So I asked him. And he said yes. He actually asked if you and Logan wanted to go on a double date! See? It's just like I said!"

There's that feeling again. The feeling that I'd tried to push away before. That tug in the pit of my stomach. "Well, I don't know about that, Stacey. I mean, you know Logan and I are taking some time off. I'll think about it okay?"

Stacey smiles. "That's fine. Take your time. I'm not trying to pressure you to go with us. He suggested it, so I thought it would be a good idea to ask. Anyway, look, sorry about what I said earlier. The next time you go to lunch with Kristy I'll come along." With that she turns and walks away.

I feel almost obligated to go with her on her date now that she agreed to go with me and Kristy to lunch. Things are getting more complicated then I really wanted. I can't help but feel the smallest twinges of jealousy when I think of Stacey with Lorenzo. Then I feel twinges of guilt for feeling disloyal to Logan. Logan. I guess I'm going to have to call him and explain the situation. Who knows what he'll say, considering how mean I was to him yesterday. Pushing all those feelings aside, I finally drop into my seat and move my mouse to start my computer back up. I open my drawer to find a pen and suck in my breath.

Inside my desk there is a note. A small square white piece of paper. Handwritten on the paper in neat, tiny letters is this: You look beautiful today.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

My stomach is in knots again. My cell phone is in my hand and all I have to do is press send, so why can't I do it?

I take a deep breath and swallow. Okay, here we go. I press the SEND button.

"Hello?"

I almost want to hang up. But no. I can't. "Hey Logan, it's me."

"Mary Anne?"

Suddenly my mind goes blank. What on earth do I say to him when only yesterday I scolded him for calling me? Here I am, calling him because I need a favor to spend the night with Stacey and someone who he doesn't even probably trust. I feel like such a hypocrite. "Hey Logan," I repeat. Great start.

"What's up, Mary Anne? Is something wrong? I thought you didn't have anything to say to me."

Ouch. But he had a point. I had said that. I cringed at the memory. How could I be so cruel? I guess if I'm going to tell Logan he needs to communicate more and listen, I should do the same. Practice what I preach. "I know I said that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so rude to you. I, uh, wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. And I wanted to talk about whatever it was you wanted to talk about."

Logan doesn't respond right away. "What brought about this sudden change of heart?" he finally asks.

"I realized that I was wrong. I should have let you tell me what you needed to say. Instead, I took my bad day out on you and I shouldn't have done that. I understand if you're upset with me. You have every right to be."

"What happened that made you have a bad day?" He sounds so concerned. It makes me feel even guiltier.

"Just work stuff. I got this huge project to do for Dan and it was stressing me out. But my point is, my bad day wasn't your fault and you shouldn't have had to be on the receiving end of my frustration. So I just want you to know that I truly am sorry for that." I take another deep breath.

"Well, it's okay. I think we all inadvertently take our anger out on others at one time or another. I'm glad you called, though. I really wanted to talk."

"Of course. I'm here to listen this time."

"Well, despite what you might think, I have thought a lot about what you said. It's all I could really think about these past couple days. And I can see why you were mad. I know my mom calls a lot and I realize only I can put a stop to that. I know that I have to have a talk with her and I plan on doing that. I just want to tell her what needs to be said without hurting her feelings. I don't want her to think that I hate her calling, because I like being able to be there for her."

"I understand Logan. And I don't want you to think that I'm telling you I never want her around. I just want you to tell her that you're grown and she needs to respect that. She needs to respect us and our relationship, and when we get married she needs to realize that there will be certain boundaries."

"Okay," Logan agrees. "I will try and talk to her later tonight then. I really miss you, Mary Anne. I want us to be together."

"I miss you too Logan," I tell him sincerely.

We talk for awhile more about what we've been up to since we last saw each other. I tell him about Kristy and he's happy we've rekindled our friendship. He's not surprised about her coming out to me. "She _was_ a tomboy when we were younger, so I guess it's not a total shock," he reasons.

"Well, in any case, I think we'll try to keep in touch even after she goes back to Arizona. She said something at lunch about not wasting time being angry with people you care about. It made me think of you and how I acted."

"It's water under the bridge now, Mary Anne. We all say things we don't mean, don't be too hard on yourself over it."

"Okay." I pause, wondering if now is a good time to bring up the double date. "So that new guy in sales asked Stacey out today. She said they were going to the movies and they'll probably grab some dinner afterward. She wanted to know if we would double date with them."

"Oh. Right. You had mentioned that before...I guess if you really want to go."

"It honestly doesn't matter to me. I would do it more for Stacey if anything. She seemed pretty excited about it."

"For Stacey, huh? Well, I guess we have to then."

"Cool. I'll let her know tomorrow at work," I reply, trying to sound casual. I don't want him to get the wrong idea. We're starting fresh, and I intend to keep things strong. We both need to build up the trust in each other that might have been lacking before.

"So what day is this double date?"

"Saturday."

"All right, that's fine I don't think I have to work then. I'll eat anywhere but Chez Maurice."

I giggle. "I think we can manage to find somewhere else." My thoughts drift to our horrible night at Casa Grande and I cringe. I don't think that would be the best idea for a choice of restaurant either. Hopefully Logan won't bring it up.

Logan is quiet for a moment, and I get the sense he's thinking the same thing. "Well, I guess I should go," he says, breaking the silence. "Have a good night, Mary Anne. I'm glad you called. I love you."

"I love you too, Logan. Have a good night." We hang up and I let out a sigh of relief. I'm glad things are on the mend between us. Maybe this is a turning point in our relationship.

Well. I guess I'm going on that double date after all. I groan when I realize it's only Tuesday. Saturday seems like such a long way off. I almost want to get this date over and done with. I make a silent wish that things don't go terribly wrong. It's going to be a long week.

* * *

First thing Friday morning Lorenzo is waiting by my desk. "Ready?" he asks.

I put my purse on my desk. "Yeah, let me just get my computer started." Today is the day we turn in our brochure to Dan. We spent a good part of the week working on it, and luckily it didn't require any more lunch dates. I finished the wording yesterday and Lorenzo and I put the final touches on together. Lorenzo said he would take it to a printing shop that night. He reaches into his briefcase and shows me the final product. I have to admit it looks great. I just hope Dan likes it.

"You look very nice today," Lorenzo comments. I can feel myself blush. I never mentioned the note to Lorenzo, and he made no motions to show he wrote it. I don't know who else could have written it, since I don't really talk to anyone else here other than Stacey, Kate, and Becky. I would certainly hope it didn't come from one of them. That would be somewhat awkward.

"Thanks," I reply. I grab a notepad and pen and follow Lorenzo into Dan's office.

He looks up from his computer when we walk in. "Ah, Mary Anne and Lorenzo. Good morning. I take it you have the brochure?"

Lorenzo clears his throat. "Yes, Dan. It's right here." He places it in front of Dan and he and I take a seat. I begin to fidget. What if he hates it? I shoot Lorenzo a worried glance and he gives me a reassuring smile. I feel myself relax.

Dan picks up the brochure and looks at it carefully. I can hear him mutter things to himself, and strain to catch what he's saying. He looks up at us after what seems like an eternity but was probably no more than a few minutes. "Well, I've got to say I'm impressed." Lorenzo and I look at each other again and smile. "I think we've got a great brochure here. To be honest I don't even think we need any changes made to it." He stands up and shakes both of our hands. "Well done. Mary Anne, you did a fabulous job with the wording. I think you captured what this company is about and what we want to represent. I love the layout Lorenzo, and I think I may just have you design all of our marketing tools in the future."

I feel flustered by the compliment, and I can tell Lorenzo feels the same way. "Thanks Dan," I finally say. "I'm glad you like it."

Lorenzo finds his voice. "Yeah, thanks. I would be honored to do any other marketing brochure in the future."

Dan nods at us both, and we turn and walk out of his office. Lorenzo breathes a sigh of relief as soon as we exit. He puts his hand on my shoulder, causing my stomach to flutter. "Well, we did it! I'm so relieved that's done with." He drops his hand and pauses. "Hey…I'm sorry I didn't mention this before, I was afraid you might not know what I was talking about, but I have to ask: did you get my note?"

My heart nearly stops. He did write it! "Yeah, I got it. It was very nice. You, um, have nice handwriting." I feel completely moronic. Is that all I could think to say?

"Well, I was afraid you didn't get it. You never said anything."

"Well, I didn't know who wrote it."

Lorenzo looks solemn. "Sorry," he replies. "I thought it'd be obvious. You just looked really stunning that day. I saw you downstairs when I came in to work. You were by the marketing stuff. You almost took my breath away." He blushes and smiles at me.

I reach out and grab my desk to steady myself. This cannot be happening. I can't keep letting this go on. Not if Logan and I want to make things work. Not if he's going out tomorrow with my best friend. I have to find a way to put a stop to this. But a tiny part of me doesn't want to put a stop to it. I can't deny my attraction to Lorenzo. I can't deny that I'm completely flattered he seems to be attracted to me too, especially when I think Stacey is far more attractive than I am. I don't get why he would want to waste his time with someone who's practically taken when there is a perfectly gorgeous single girl who clearly is interested in him. "Thank you, Lorenzo. I'm flattered, that's quite a compliment. But, um, aren't you going out with Stacey tomorrow?"

Lorenzo's smile fades. "Yeah," he replies. "Don't get me wrong. I think she's a great girl. She's really pretty and nice, and she seems to be interested in me. I just feel like she comes on too strong sometimes. I mean, she asked me out on Tuesday and she tells me that you're going so I figure I'd go. I just don't know if there's anything between us. I guess I'll find out on Saturday though. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable. I know your ex-fiance is going, and I don't want to seem disrespectful. I just think you're a really sweet, beautiful girl that's all."

"Well, I think you're a nice guy, too. I just think that since we're both going on this date with other people, we shouldn't mention the note. Or any of this other stuff. It would just make things awkward. I think you should give Stacey a chance tomorrow."

Lorenzo nods thoughtfully. "I will. Well, I should get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Of course. See you then." I sink into my seat. My mind is racing. I don't know what to think. I love Logan more than anything, but I'm still uncertain about the strength of our relationship. I want to make things right, but I know we still have a lot of issues we need to work through and it will take time. I need to wait and see how things go with his mother. Telling me he's going to talk to her is one thing, but hopefully he'll carry out his promise. I still can't fully say whether or not things are different between us, just that we're both taking steps in that direction.

I also feel a devotion to Stacey of sorts. She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose her over a guy. That's how she and Claudia stopped being friends and I don't want the same thing to happen to us. I don't even know Lorenzo that well. I've been with Logan for eight years. So why can't I get Lorenzo out of my mind? I hear him tell me I'm beautiful again in my mind and my heart flutters. Besides, I'm not forcing him to feel what he feels. Maybe Stacey really isn't the girl for him. Maybe I am. Maybe in this crazy mess it was fate that we met. I certainly feel a connection with him. But then I feel like I'm being disloyal to Logan. I realize I haven't done anything wrong. We've talked, innocently flirted, and gone to one lunch. Nothing I should really feel terribly guilty about.

I turn to my computer and sigh. It just seems like no matter how this ends, someone is going to get hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

_Ding dong._

There's Logan. I give myself a final critical look in the mirror before rushing outside. I'm wearing light blue pants and a scoopneck black tank top. I want to look casual, not like I'm trying to hard. It's Saturday night, the night I've been dreading. I had talked to Stacey earlier in the day. She was so excited about the date she couldn't contain herself. At least one of us is excited. I'm pretty sure that Logan and Lorenzo aren't looking forward to this evening very much either.

I run across the street to Logan's car and let myself inside. I look at him for a moment, and realize the last time I saw him was when I broke things off. Hard to believe that almost a week had gone by. I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek. Things are still unsteady, I want to get back into things slowly. Logan smiles and puts his hand over mine. Our eyes meet and suddenly I know that he wants to take things as slowly as I do. We don't speak, but we reach a silent mutual understanding. Logan removes his hand and starts the car up and wordlessly pulls onto the streets of Stoneybrook.

I relax a bit and lean my head against the door panel. There's a lot of things I want to tell Logan. I want to unleash all the feelings I've gone through, let him know my true thoughts on Lorenzo and all the things that he's said. I want to be truthful and real and not for a second let him doubt my intentions. I want him to feel like he's still a priority in my life and that I intend to make things right between us again. Despite the rush of emotion I get, the words remain locked inside me. They don't come out, and all I can do is bite my lip and stare out the window.

I glance over at Logan and wonder if he has things to say to me as well. Words that remain as thoughts, and never quite make it to communication. He appears to be deep in thought, or perhaps he's just concentrating on driving. I want to ask him what he's thinking, but I don't. Instead, I just let the heavy silence hang in the air between us.

Logan finally pulls into the parking lot to the restaurant where we're meeting Stacey and Lorenzo. I recognize Lorenzo's BMW and get a quick flash of us sitting in his car and him leaning towards me, as if to give me a kiss. What if I hadn't jumped out so suddenly? What would have happened then? Was he even trying to kiss me or did I overreact? They're questions that will remain unanswered, and I try to push them back. Logan holds the door open for me and we head inside. I immediately spot Stacey in her fuzzy pink top and black capris she bought the day we went shopping. She waves us over, looking very happy and sitting so close to Lorenzo she's almost in his lap.

"Hey guys," I say when I come up to the table. "Were you waiting very long?"

"No," Stacey replies, but she's looking at Lorenzo. "Besides, we don't mind being alone, do we Lorenzo?" She traces her finger along his arm.

Lorenzo shifts uncomfortably. "You must be Logan," he says, not looking at Stacey. He extends his arm. "Nice to meet you."

Logan shakes his hand briskly. "Nice to meet you." He pulls out my chair and takes a seat for himself. I sit down, already feeling the awkwardness of the situation.

A waitress comes by to take our drink orders, and I notice Stacey is already drinking a cosmopolitan. She shouldn't be drinking and she knows it, but I can't mother her. After Logan and I place our drink orders the table falls silent. I try and think of something to say, to break the ice and end the uncomfort. "So Stacey, have you decided on a movie to see after dinner?"

"Yeah, I figured we'd watch that new Jim Carrey movie." She looks at Lorenzo meaningfully. "Or we could watch a scary movie, so I can grab onto you."

Lorenzo clears his throat nervously. "Jim Carrey sounds fine," he says hoarsely, which receives a frown from Stacey. He glances around the restaurant, as if he's looking for an escape. "Logan, do you play any sports?" he asks.

"I used to play some baseball in high school," he replies. "But I didn't really have much time, I was always looking after my brother and sister."

Lorenzo looks at me. "Mary Anne, you should've had him join that baby-sitting club of yours."

"He was a member, he just didn't really come to meetings." I remembered how hard of a time Logan used to have with some of the guys at school teasing him because he was a part of the club. I'm sure he didn't want to relive those memories.

"Wow, Logan, you were a part of that club? You and all those girls? Lucky you!"

"I didn't care about the other girls. I was with Mary Anne back then. She's all the mattered. You got a problem with me being in 'that club'?" Logan asks defensively.

Lorenzo holds up his hands, as if to surrender. "No way, man. It's cool."

I put my hand on Logan's arm and can feel him tensing up. I pat his arm in an effort to calm him down. Our waitress brings our drinks then, and I'm eager for the distraction.

After we place our meal orders, we're left with the same uncomfortable silence. I sneak a peak at Stacey and I catch her chewing on her perfectly manicured nail. This is probably not what she had in mind. I'm sure she pictured easy conversation, with Lorenzo laughing and hanging on to her every word. Instead, he's staring off into space and Logan is making wet rings on the table with his glass, concentrating intently as if it's the most fascinating thing in the world. I shoot her a sympathetic smile, hoping it will cheer her up. She shrugs, and puts her hand on Lorenzo's arm. He jolts as if suddenly receiving an electric shock.

"Sorry," she says, the frown creeping back into her face. I felt bad for Stacey. She's not really used to guys not being interested in her, I'm sure it's making her wonder if she's doing something wrong. Maybe I should make an excuse to go to the bathroom so we can talk.

As if reading my mind, she abruptly gets up and announces, "We have to go powder our noses. Come on, Mary Anne."

Dutifully, I rise from my seat and follow her making a silent wish that Logan doesn't try to pick any fights while we're gone. Stacey pushes the door open and heaves herself against the counter. "Oh my lord!" she exclaims. "I couldn't wait to get out of there! Is this, like, the worst date in history or what?"

"Well maybe Lorenzo just feels awkward with us around. I mean, you said your lunch with him went great, right?"

"Yeah! There was no lull in the conversation at all. That's why I'm wondering if he has something else on his mind. I mean, I'm being my most flirtatious, why isn't he picking up on it?" Stacey pulls a lip liner and lipstick out of her purse and begins to reapply her makeup in front of the mirror. I watch her carefully trace her lips, then fill in her mouth with mauve colored lipstick. She blots her lips and turns back to me. "I mean, do you think I'm doing something wrong?"

Now's my change to let her know what Lorenzo said. "Well, maybe he just thinks you're coming on too strong," I say gently. "You know he likes you and finds you attractive, so maybe you shouldn't try so hard. Just be yourself, Stace. He'll love you like we all do."

Stacey twirls a lock of her blonde hair around her finger and sighs. "Yeah, you're probably right." She wrinkles her nose. "I guess I have been a little forward tonight. Okay, I'll go back there a new woman. Thanks, Mary Anne. You always know just the right thing to say. After all, you could've just told me to not at like such a slut, but instead, you let me know in a nice way."

I laugh. "Anytime. Oh, and Stace? Be careful with the drinks okay? I don't want to sound like your mother but you know you should watch your intake of alcohol."

Stacey frowns. "I know, I'm fine," she says dismissively. "I just wanted to feel like Carrie Bradshaw tonight." She looks again to the mirror and smooths her hair over her shoulders. She turns back to me. "Come on," she says, linking her arm with mine. "Let's go back to our men."

I giggle and together we head back to our table. Our food is just arriving when we get back. Good, at least we'll not have to worry about conversation so much since we'll all be eating. Logan watches me carefully as I sit back down. "Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yup. Just girl stuff."

Logan nods as if he knows what I'm talking about, then spears a red potato with his fork.

Stacey takes a dainty bite of her roasted chicken and focuses her gaze on Logan. "So Logan how's Kerry doing at school?"

"Fine." He doesn't offer any more information.

Stacey looks at me helplessly, and all I can do is shake my head gently. Stacey goes back to eating, visibly hurt by her squashed efforts to try and resuscitate the conversation. She tries to scoot closer to Lorenzo, who slowly pushes himself away. When our waitress walks by Stacey holds up her empty martini glass, signaling she'd like another cocktail. I give her a disapproving frown which she ignores.

As soon as the waitress brings Stacey her drink she gulps it down before she can leave and orders another. "Stacey," I say gently, "why don't you slow down a little?" I don't know if she's told Lorenzo about her diabetes but I see Logan giving me a worried glance, and I know I have to step in before she goes too far. She's obviously still upset things aren't going the way she thought, but it's not right to drink herself happy.

"Don't mother me," she snaps. Lorenzo looks at her in surprise. "There's no need to be rude, Stacey. I think Mary Anne is just trying to be a good friend."

Stacey only grunts in reply, and takes another huge gulp of the freshly refilled cosmopolitan the waitress has just brought.

Logan puts his hand on my arm and whispers, "Mary Anne, you know she shouldn't be drinking that."

I nod then look at Stacey, who's managed to already down her cocktail. "Stace, seriously. You know you need to stop. You have diabetes and you're just hurting yourself!" I can feel my voice quiver. I don't like seeing my best friend do this to herself.

Lorenzo looks at her in surprise. "You have diabetes?"

Stacey's face grows bright red. "Gee thanks, _Mom_, for announcing that! Yes I have diabetes! And I'm sick of everyone treating me like a damn alien anytime it's mentioned. I have it under control. I've been dealing with this disease for eight years now and I know what I'm doing!" Stacey's voice gets louder and louder and I can see a table nearby us stop and stare.

"Stacey – " I start.

"Stacey!" she mimicks. "God Mary Anne why don't you stop being such a goody two shoes and just let me be?"

I can feel a lump rise in my throat that I try to push down. Logan pats my arm and starts to open his mouth but is beaten to it by Lorenzo. "Stacey, I think you need to calm down and stop jumping all over Mary Anne. She's just trying to help you."

Stacey turns to Lorenzo, her eyes flashing. "Yes, of course, protect sweet Mary Anne! That's why you agreed to go out with me isn't it? As soon as you found out your sweet Mary Anne was coming! I'm sure you guys had such a lovely lunch date. Thanks a lot for taking Lorenzo from me Mary Anne, you knew how much I liked him! Some friend you are!" With that, Stacey gets up and takes wobbly steps toward the bathroom. Several people have now become invested in the happenings at our table. I feel as if I've been punched in the stomach.

I turn to Logan, whose face is showing deep hurt. "You – you went to lunch with him? On a _date_? When was this and why didn't you tell me?"

Lorenzo jumps in. "Look, it wasn't a date. We were assigned a project at work and I suggested we go to lunch to go over ideas. Please don't get the wrong idea. Mary Anne loves you very much."

"Well, thanks for that explanation but I wasn't exactly talking to you, now was I? So stay out of it!" Logan glares at Lorenzo and for a moment I think he's going to hit him. My body has stopped functioning and I remain rooted in my seat, watching the nightmare unfold before me.

Lorenzo gets up and starts to say something, but stops when Stacey comes marching back out of the bathroom. She gets right up in my face, so close I smell the alcohol on her breath. "This was your plan all along wasn't it? You had eyes on the Lorenzo the second he started here! Don't deny it, Mary Anne, I could see the jealousy written all over your face anytime I mentioned him. Well, looks like you've won. Congratulations!" Stacey looks so angry, angrier then I've ever seen her before. I back up, trying to put some space between us. "You're a lousy drunk," I tell her quietly.

Logan grabs Stacey by the arm. "Come on, you've had enough. I'll take you home. Let's leave these two _lovebirds_ alone." He spits out the words as if they taste bad.

I jump up, my willpower deflated and the tears streaming down my face. "Logan, please!" I plead. "It's not what you think! We didn't go on a date! It was for business. Stacey is drunk and she's just talking nonsense! You're going to believe her over me?"

"Mary Anne, I can see it in your eyes. I'm not stupid, you know. Everything Stacey said is true! So here's your chance. We're not engaged anymore, so go for it!" He indicates to Lorenzo, who's seated at the table looking down at his plate. Logan gives Stacey's arm a tug and nearly pulls her out of the restaurant. I stand there, watching them go for what seems like hours. I feel a hand on my shoulder and jump a mile.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we're going to have to ask you to leave. Your party has created quite a disturbance and we've received numerous complaints." A stout man with a balding head hovers over me. I feel so embarrassed. When did I suddenly become such a magnet for creating scenes in restaurants? I nod wordlessly, then rush outside of the restaurant, not even thinking to look back.

Outside it is damp and humid, I can feel the thickness in the air. I look around for Logan's car and don't see it anywhere. I start to run in the direction of Stacey's house, hoping to catch up with them. I run until my lungs start to burn and my legs feel weak. I stop on the side of the street, sitting on the sidewalk and gasping for air. I gaze up into the streetlight, feeling my eyes well up with fresh tears. How could Stacey say those things? She'd created such a big mess with her drunken comments. I'd be furious with her if it wasn't for the fact that I was intent on finding Logan and making things right.

I sit there and continue staring up into the night sky until I see a car coming down the street. I instantly recognize the silver BMW as it slows down and comes to a stop in front of me. The window rolls down and I see Lorenzo's face filled with concern. "There you are! I've been driving around looking for you. Do you need a ride home?"

I get up and dust off my pants, then let myself inside. "You forgot your purse at the restaurant." I notice it lying in front of the passenger seat. I lean over and pick it up. "Thank you." Suddenly, a thought strikes me. "Oh my god, we didn't even pay! We all just left!"

"Don't worry I took care of it." Lorenzo turns onto Fawcett Avenue.

"This is Stacey's street!" I exclaim. We reach her house and I indicate for him to stop. I don't see Logan's car anywhere and her house is completely dark. I sigh and sit back. "I'm sorry you had to pay for everything." I reach into my wallet and pull out some money. "You shouldn't have had to do that, please let me give you some cash for our dinners."

Lorenzo waves his hand at my money. "I don't need it. I think you've gone through enough tonight, trust me, it's not a big deal."

I open my mouth to protest but Lorenzo puts a finger over my mouth. "I won't hear it."

I'm surprised by his gesture. His touch makes my stomach flutter. I put my money back in my wallet.

"Now, where's your street?" Lorenzo asks.

"Burnt Hill Road, do you know where that is?"

"Yup."

The rest of the drive to my house is relatively quiet. We're both lost in our own thoughts, trying to make sense of the mess the evening's turn of events. I feel as if I've lost two important relationships tonight. How can I explain to Logan that I still care about him? How can I even begin to rebuild my friendship with Stacey? I feel as if any trust I had in her was shattered. Lorenzo turns onto Burnt Hill Road and slows down. "It's the farmhouse coming up right there," I tell him. He stops in front of my house and turns of the engine.

"So…how are you doing? You feeling ok?" his face looks so handsome in the streetlight.

I nod. "I guess. I just don't know what I'm going to tell Logan. He's so upset with me. I just wish Stacey hadn't said those things, you know?"

"Well, was there any truth to them?"

"I don't know. I mean…not what she said about me having a plan to take you away. But I guess she was right about me having an attraction to you."

Lorenzo smiles slowly. "Well, I have an attraction to you too. So, what do we do with this now? To be honest, I really like you Mary Anne. I think you're sweet and beautiful, and I would love to get to know you. I can't deny that I got some strong feelings for you that day we went to lunch. But I understand that you have someone in your life, and I respect that. If you want to try and work things out with him, I will back off. I just want to make my feelings known to you so you know where I stand."

My mind is swirling. This was kind of what I wanted, wasn't it? I mean, I was obviously attracted to Lorenzo the moment I saw him, and maybe in some subconscious way, I'd wanted him to feel the same way. So why couldn't I shake that this was wrong? I felt so torn. "I…think I have feelings for you too, Lorenzo. I just don't know what to do about Logan. I still care about him."

Lorenzo stares at me for a long time. Suddenly, he leans forward and I know what's coming. I don't jump out of the car this time. He gently brushes his lips against mine and my heart swells. I realize that at that moment there's nowhere I'd rather be than right here. All the other thoughts I had in my head fly out and all I can think about his how happy this moment is making me. Lorenzo pulls away. "Is this okay?" he whispers. I nod, and he leans forward again. This time the kiss is more insistent. I open my mouth and I can feel his tongue slide between my lips. He puts his hand behind my head and gently pulls me toward him.

I rest my hand on his shoulder as I feel his hand slide down from my head to my back. Slowly his slips his hand under my tank top. I don't stop him. Everything feels so right, so perfect. I press my lips against his, kissing him passionately. I move my tongue against his, then slowly ease it in his mouth. I let my hands slide under his shirt and move them up and down his back.

When we finally break apart, we're both breathing heavily. Lorenzo is smiling at me. "Well, this is…slightly unexpected."

"I know." I say quietly. "But it was nice. Really nice." I can feel myself blushing.

Lorenzo reaches up and brushes a strand of hair away from my face. "I really do like you, Mary Anne. I don't know where this leaves us, but would you be willing to give things a try with us and see where it goes?"

I take Lorenzo's hand in mind and trace his knuckles with my fingers. "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" I ask him teasingly.

"I think I am," he says.

Logan disappears from my mind. Stacey disappears from my mind. The only thing that matters to me now is being right here with Lorenzo. "I think that I would like that." I lean over and give him one more soft kiss on the lips. "I also think that I should get going now, before I stay here all night."

"I don't mind."

"Neither do I, but I think my dad might. I had a really nice time with you though. Thank you for being so understanding about tonight. I know it went terribly wrong."

"Well, this just about made the whole night worth it. I'll see you on Monday, Mary Anne."

I turn to let myself out and notice the windows are steamed up. Wow, things certainly got hot and heavy in there. I watch his car drive down the street before I start to walk up to my house when I see a shadowy figure move on the front porch. My heart stops. Who would be standing in front of my house this late?

I see Logan step out of the shadows and my heart sinks. Oh _no_. How long had he been there? "Did you have a good time?" he says icily when I near him.

"Logan – "

"Don't you dare say a word! Not a damn word! I come out here to tell you I overreacted and wanted to hear your side of things and this is what I find! You sitting outside your house with that, that _asshole_, making out? So tell me, what was is that you were going to tell me about Stacey not telling the truth? Because it sure as hell looks to me like she was!" Logan starts to brush past me.

I reach out and grab his arm. "Logan, just let me explain," I plead.

Logan jerks my arm away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" he shouts. "Don't even look at me. I can't bear to look at you right now. You make me sick. To think I actually came here to apologize and…you know what? It doesn't matter. Listen up, because this should make you very happy: we are through. Don't ever talk to me again!" With that he storms past me and leaves me standing there all alone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

I run inside my house and slam the door. I wince and realize my father is probably home. I hurry upstairs before he can ask me what's wrong.

Once inside my room, I begin to pace back and forth. I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. Tonight has just been one disaster after another. I was mad at Stacey. She was mad at me. Logan was mad at me. I was mad at Logan. Stacey was mad at Lorenzo and he was probably mad at her. What a mess.

I hear a soft knock at my door. Darn. My father is probably wondering what's going on. I open the door a crack and poke my head out.

"Is everything all right Mary Anne?" My father is peering at me over his reading glasses. "I thought I heard the door slam."

"Yes Dad. Everything's fine. Sorry, I just didn't realize how hard the door shut." It seems like such a lame excuse, but it seems to work. My father only nods, and turns to go back downstairs. Back to his little hole where he shuts himself in, cut off from everyone. I watch him go before I gently shut my door and breathe a sigh of relief. I guess having a robotic father sometimes works in my favor.

I open my closet and pull out a pair of gray stretch pants and a white T-shirt. I change quickly, trying to remove any traces that the night ever existed. I shove the clothes in my laundry hamper, pushing them far down and out of sight. I pull my hair back with an elastic and head to the bathroom to wash my face. I squeeze some face wash on my hands and work up a lather, the rub it all over my face, scrubbing my face clean. I scrub and scrub until I feel as if all of the memories of the evening have been cleaned away. I splash my face with water several times, and when I look in the mirror my face is slightly red. Good. I pat my face dry and brush my teeth. When I'm squeaky clean of all date residue, I settle myself under the covers of my bed, staring at the ceiling. I feel completely exhausted despite the fact that it's just after nine thirty.

I reach over to my nightstand where my cell phone is plugged in and pull it away from the charger. I quickly punch in Kristy's number. I feel as if she's the only one I can talk to right now. I feel very lonely.

She picks up after the third ring. "Hello?"

I settle back against my pillows. "Hey, Kristy. What's up?"

"Mary Anne?" She seems surprised to hear from me.

"Yeah, it's me. Are you busy?"

"No, not at all. Is everything okay? You sound upset."

That's all it takes. The whole night comes gushing out in a mix of strangled words and salty tears. By the time I'm finished, I've gotten a bad case of the hiccups.

Kristy has been listening intently the whole time, which is not usual for her. She's used to being the talker, and me the listener. "Mary Anne, everything will be okay. Maybe things were supposed to work out this way. Maybe you needed a night like this to make you realize that you and Logan shouldn't be together. Maybe Stacey needed a night like this to make her realize that she can't use her sexuality to get everything she wants. And maybe Logan needed a night like this to realize that you're not going to follow him around like a puppy, and if he doesn't respect you, you'll find someone who will."

Her words strike me. _Maybe things were supposed to work out this way_. Is there some unexplainable force pushing Lorenzo and I together, with Stacey and Logan out of the way? "Maybe," I say quietly. "I'm really disappointed in Stacey, though. I mean, (hiccup) I guess it would've been okay if she had one drink and made it last the whole night, even if she shouldn't, but the thing was she went way overboard. She just came off looking like a drunk fool. And she (hiccup) ticked off a lot of people."

"Stacey's a moron," Kristy says coldly. "Look, I don't mean to be harsh, but it's true. She wants to forget she has diabetes and only use it when it works to her advantage, namely to get sympathy. She's an adult now, and she should start acting like it. Diabetes shouldn't be taken as a joke. Now, I can't imagine what it must be like to have to cope with, but I do know that if I had it, I would do everything in my power to make sure it remained under control." She takes a deep breath.

"Also," she continues, "she shouldn't decide your feelings for you. I hate that people use the drunk excuse to justify why they said something hurtful. If you can't control what you do or say to those you love when you drink, then maybe you shouldn't drink at all. I don't care that she was drunk. The point is, she shouldn't decide to tell Logan how you may or may not feel about Lorenzo. It's none of her business. That is for _you_ to decide whether or not to tell him."

Kristy is completely right. I know she doesn't see eye to eye with Stacey anymore, but I also know she's not allowing that to cloud her judgment. "Thanks, Kristy. I think I needed to hear that." I dab at my eyes with my bedsheet, leaving behind big wet spots that are slightly tinged with black from my mascara.

"Your welcome," she says, somewhat gruffly. "Hey, do you want to come over tomorrow? We can just relax at my house and forget this night ever happened. Andrew is here this weekend so you'll be able to see him too."

"I'd (hiccup) love to. I'll be there after lunch okay?"

"Why don't you just come over at lunch? You can eat here."

"Okay," I agree. "See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Mary Anne."

We hang up and I plug my phone back into its charger. I'm feeling much better. I bury my head in my pillow and think of kissing Lorenzo. How nice and wonderful it felt to be near him, and be able to finally tell him that I have feelings for him. I think about how nice it was to hear that he had feelings for me, too. I fall into a restful sleep dreaming about our first date and how perfect it will be.

* * *

I get butterflies in my stomach as I turn onto McLelland Road. It feels like forever since I've been here. Memories of countless sleep-overs and parties come flooding back to me. I see Watson in the front yard, watering the lawn. He's dressed in khaki shorts and a dark blue T-shirt. I slowly ease my car up the driveway and head up the walkway nervously. Watson immediately sees me and puts down the hose, letting it spray on the same part of the lawn. He wipes his hands on the front of his shirt and walks over to me.

"Hi Mary Anne. Good to see you again." He holds out his hand and I let him take mine in a firm handshake. His hands are still wet. "Kristy's inside."

I imagine Kristy let everyone know I was coming by today so I wouldn't shock them when I pulled up. That was smart of her. I walk up the familiar staircase to the huge doors surrounded by enormous white pillars.

I ring the door bell. Normally when I used to come over the ringing of the door was followed by shrieking and loud thuds. This time, there's silence. I'm about to ring the door bell again when the door is flung open by Kristy. She has her hair thrown back in a messy bun and is wearing cute denim capris and an eggplant colored tank top. I never noticed before how tan she was. The Arizona sun has given her a healthy looking glow. "Hey!" she says breathlessly. "Sorry, I didn't hear you! I'm outside with David Michael and Andrew playing softball. I never realized how much I miss it." I follow her into the backyard, where David Michael and Andrew are tossing a softball back and forth. Andrew drops the ball as soon as he catches it and runs over to me, nearly knocking me over in a hug.

I'm surprised by his affection but try not to show it. I pat his head, even though he's only about five inches shorter than me. "Hey Andrew. It's good to see you too." Andrew was always pretty quiet compared to his sister. Karen was loud and somewhat precocious for her age. She acted as if she were eight going on twenty. She had a very vivid imagination and needed constant reminders to calm down and use her "indoor voice." I hadn't seen her in a few years, but I would imagine she'd grown out of that.

Andrew pulls away from me and I see he's wearing thin gold framed glasses. His dirty blond hair is neatly brushed over to one side. "It's nice to see you," he says shyly.

"Nice to see you too. How's Karen doing?" I ask.

"She's fine. She's at her friend Nancy Dawes' house today."

I nod, trying to see if I can remember who Nancy Dawes is. David Michael approaches me and gives me a small wave. He's fifteen now, three years older than Andrew, and I think he's hitting that age where he thinks he's too old to be hugging people. "Hey, David Michael."

"Hey," he replies. "You can just call me Dave now. All my friends do."

Kristy pokes him. "He's too cool for David Michael."

I give him an understanding smile. I always secretly thought David Michael was somewhat of a fussy name, so I'm glad he's going by a more casual one.

"Well, it's nice to see you again, Dave."

David Michael – excuse me, Dave gives me a quick nod and dashes off, calling out to Andrew to play ball with him again.

Kristy turns to the boys and yells, "Play by yourselves, guys. Mary Anne and I are going up to my room."

"Aw, Kristy it's no fun with just two people. Can't Linny just come over?" Linny Papadakis is David Michael's (woops, Dave's) best friend in grade school. His sister Hannie was good friends with Karen. I'm glad to see they're still close, which makes sense since they live right nearby.

Kristy presses her lips together, but finally gives in. "Okay," she says. "Just make sure Linny checks with Mrs. Papadakis."

"I will, thanks Kristy! Come on Andrew let's call Linny." Dave rushes inside followed slowly behind by Andrew.

"He's still pretty quiet isn't he?" I say, looking at Andrew.

"Yeah. It's weird, he's actually gotten quieter lately. Whenever he was here he would always be around Karen, but now he usually comes by himself. I guess she made him feel more comfortable."

"So Karen doesn't come by much anymore?" I ask her, as we stop in the kitchen for Kristy to grab two sodas from the fridge. She hands me one and shrugs her shoulders. "You haven't seen Karen in a few years. She's…grown up. Here, come up to my room. I'll show you a picture of her."

We head up the grand staircase to Kristy's room, which has all sorts of things from Arizona State tacked up on the walls. I see a picture of Kristy on her night table in her uniform, and another on her desk of her and her teammates. Kristy opens one of the desk drawers and takes out her wallet. She pulls out a small picture and hands it to me. "It's her junior prom picture," she says.

The picture is of Karen, dressed up in a form fitting metallic blue dress, with some guy behind her in a suit, his arms placed awkwardly at her waist. The girl looks nothing like the Karen I remember. The Karen I remember had red glasses and long blond hair. This Karen either isn't wearing her glasses or has on contacts, she has her hair cut in a chic chin length bob, and she's wearing lots of makeup. She's also…well, busty is the nicest way to put it. I hand the picture back to Kristy. "Wow," is all I can say.

"Yeah, exactly. Wow. She's become quite popular at school. The guys love her, naturally, but she's also head cheerleader and the student council president. So she stays pretty busy. She still gets great grades, though, so her mom and stepdad don't complain too much. Watson worries, but he has to respect Lisa and Seth's wishes to not be too strict with her, since she does so well in school."

"Well, that's somewhat of a surprise. How's Charlie doing? I, uh, know how Sam's doing," I say quickly and we both laugh nervously.

"Charlie's fine. He lives in New Haven. He's a newlywed, actually. He just got married last month. His new wife is really sweet. Her name is Susan, and she's just the nicest thing. She's perfect for him, and he is totally in love with her."

"That's so cute! I'm happy for him."

"Yeah, me too. So, what about you? Have you spoken to Dawn lately?" Kristy knew about the divorce. It was actually happening during the last few months of our friendship. It became finalized almost a year after we stopped talking.

"Well…no. Dawn and I don't speak anymore. The divorce kind of affected our relationship." I look down and bite my lip, trying to not let it get to me. It still hurts though, not talking to someone you once considered a sister.

Kristy clicks her tongue. "I'm sorry. I guess it sort of makes sense. She feels an obligation to her mother, but it sucks it had to be like that with you two."

I nod, feeling my eyes grow misty. I blink them back, and the feeling passes. "Yeah, it does. But life goes on, I guess." Suddenly I feel a vibration in my jeans pocket which causes me to jump. I realize it's my cell phone, and grab it. STACEY, my screen flashes. I frown and put the phone back in my pocket.

"Who's calling?" Kristy asks, looking a little confused.

"Stacey. I don't really have much to say to her. I guess I'll just talk to her tomorrow at work." I wave my hand away, eager to change the subject.

Kristy doesn't say anything, but I think she gets it. "Wanna watch a movie?" she asks.

"Yes, definitely."

It takes a minute, but we eventually agree on _The Bad News Bears_. While the movie's starting, Kristy goes downstairs to get us some snacks, and comes up with a tray loaded with bags of popcorn & Doritos, and a bowl filled with peanut M&Ms.

We gab and snack our way through the whole movie, and by the time it's over, I feel as if we never stopped being friends. Things feel the same way the used to be before our big fight. Kristy turns off the television and grabs a pillow, which she tucks under her chin. She tosses me another pillow and I prop it under my head. "So…do you think you are really going to start dating Lorenzo?"

I sigh. "Honestly, I want to. I know I like him, and that he feels the same…but there is a small nagging feeling I get when I think of it. We both work with Stacey, and I'm worried about how awkward that might be."

"Stacey didn't seem to care about your feelings last night," Kristy points out. Before I say anything, she says, " And don't try to tell me it's because she was drunk. In my opinion, when you're drunk you say those things that you think but do not say sober."

I don't say anything. Despite the fact that I know I should be absolutely furious with Stacey, a tiny part of me didn't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe it was me being too sensitive again. Of course, another part of me wants to see how things with Lorenzo could be. I feel completely torn, but my mind always wanders back to being in Lorenzo's car and how wonderful it felt to be with him. "It's a catch twenty-two," I say. "No matter what I decide, someone is going to be upset as a result. It's just one of those situations where no one wins."

"Agreed," Kristy says. "But I think you should put your feelings ahead of others. Don't do what you think is right just because it will make someone else happy. Do what makes _you _happy."

"I know, I will. Thanks, Kristy. You've really helped me figure this all out. I appreciate you being there."

"I guess I'm trying to make up for the times that I should've been there. We all make mistakes and do things we regret, Mary Anne. The important thing is that you recognize it and try to move on."

I nod thoughtfully. Move on. That's exactly what I needed to do.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

I press the START button on the copier and glance at the clock. It's almost lunchtime. I want to go as early as possible to avoid having to see Stacey. Depsite what I'd said yesterday to Kristy, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to her. I would have no idea what to say. Even though the things she had said were hurtful, in a way it forced me to admit that I indeed had feelings for Lorenzo. It brought us together. I hated to admit that a small part of me was thankful.

I finally finish the huge stack of papers Dan told me to copy and leave them on his desk. I haven't seen Lorenzo all day either, which I'm sad about. I thought I would run into him at one point or another but haven't. Maybe he's avoiding me. _Don't be so paranoid_, I scold myself. I want to stop by his desk and ask him if he wants to go to lunch, but I don't know if we should make our attempted romance known just yet. I sit down at my desk and bite my lip, feeling completely conflicted. Is this why they say office romances never work? I haven't even started one yet and already it's causing problems!

I make my decision. Quickly, I grab my purse and slip past Stacey's desk. I hold my breath for a moment expecting to hear my name called, but don't hear it. I exhale and turn around slowly. Stacey's desk is empty. I hurry downstairs and past Becky, who gives me a strange look as I dart outside into the warm air. I glance around the parking lot, then begin the walk to my car. Phew. Made it.

When I reach my car I slip inside and turn on the ignition. I sit there, staring at the steering wheel. I feel silly. I can't keep playing this Mission: Impossible game every time I want to go to lunch. Maybe I should just confront Stacey and hear what she has to say. It's time to go face to face. I reach for the door handle and see a face hovering outside my window. I shriek and shrink back. Lorenzo. I press the power window button. "Hey, what's up? You scared me!"

He flashes me a smile. "Sorry. Where are you going?"

"Well…lunch."

"Don't you want to go together? We left separately, so you're safe, if that's what you're worried about."

I give him a sheepish grin. "You got me there. Come on, I'll drive."

Lorenzo comes over to the passenger side. "Are you hungry?" he asks.

"Not really," I admit.

"Me neither. Do you want to just go to the park?"

A quiet lunch in the park. Sounds romantic. I smile at him and turn out of the parking lot, heading in the direction of the park. It's nearly empty when we get there. Perfect.

Lorenzo takes my hand as we step outside. "Want to just walk?"

I nod and follow him across the park, our feet making footprints in the freshly cut grass. There's only one other person in the park, an older man in shorts and a tank top, running laps on the track. We head away from him, towards the playground. Lorenzo holds my hand tightly the whole way. We don't speak, we just walk, staring at the trees and the listening to the birds sing.

We reach the playground and Lorenzo sits on one of the swings, and motions for me to join him. "I haven't been on one of these in ages," I say, sitting on the red plastic swing. I grip the rusty metal chains and begin to push my feet off the ground, pumping my legs back and forth.

"Sometimes it's fun to just let all your worries go and just be a kid," Lorenzo pumps his own legs, pushing himself higher and higher in the air.

I try to clear my mind of all the things that have been troubling me and concentrate on swinging. Before long, I feel myself sail through the air and I tilt my head back, feeling a breeze caress my face as I come back down. It's almost exhilarating, feeling completely free and not caring about anything. After a few minutes, I realize I'm not even worried about what I'm going to say to Stacey, or what others will say if they think Lorenzo and I are together. I put my feet out and come to a sudden stop, sending a cloud of dusty dirt in the air. Lorenzo stops too. "Is everything okay?" he asks.

I nod, tilting my face up to the warm sun and closing my eyes. "Everything is great."

Lorenzo grabs my swing and pulls me toward him. "This is nice," he murmurs, his breath tickling my ear. I turn to him and he leans forward, giving me a gentle kiss on the lips. We stay there for a moment, until Lorenzo loses his grip on my swing and I go flying away. We both laugh, and he grabs the swing the steady me again.

"This is too dangerous," I joke. "Can we just sit on solid ground?"

Lorenzo helps me up and together we find a nice shady spot under a big elm tree and sit down carefully, trying not to stain our clothes. "Do you want go out on Wednesday?" he asks me suddenly.

"Um…sure," I reply, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. Maybe being with Logan for so long has hardened me when it comes to dates, but with Lorenzo I just feel something different. I get that fluttery feeling in my stomach whenever he's near me. Things feel so perfect when we're together, as if time stands still. I don't really recall feeling that before. I was young when I first met Logan, and everything was new to me. I'd never kissed a boy, or even knew I was interested in them. Being with Lorenzo makes me forget everything and everyone around me, as if we're the only two people that exist for that moment in time. It's a little scary, feeling like that for someone I don't really know that well.

"What scares you?" I ask him, out of the blue.

He looks at me for a moment, unsure how to respond. He bites his lip, his nose scrunching up in concentration as if deep in thought. He looks completely adorable. "The dark used to scare me when I was little," he says, looking completely serious. "I remember believing the house we used to live in was haunted. One time when I was about six I woke up in the middle of the night really thirsty, so I went downstairs to get something to drink. I didn't want to turn on the lights cause I thought I might wake up my parents and get in trouble, so I just tiptoed downstairs in the dark. When I walked past the living room, I saw a woman walking across the room. She looked like she was wearing a long white flowy dress. She seemed to stop when she heard me walk by, and I just stood there, staring at this figure that didn't go away. It terrified me. I screamed all the way up the stairs and of course my parents woke up. When I told them what I'd seen, they naturally thought I was making it up. Then once my mom told me that she saw some weird things too, but they would only happen to her when she was alone in the dark. So, even today, being in complete darkness kind of freaks me out." He looks, down, as if he's embarrassed to admit being afraid of the dark at twenty-five.

I feel shivers run down my spine. "Wow," I whisper. "I think I would be afraid of the dark too. That was a spooky story. The thought of ghosts and spirits are so creepy. My house is really old, and some weird things have happened there too. My step – I mean, this girl I knew swore it was haunted."

"I haven't really told anyone that story before. I don't know why. I guess I felt kind of embarrassed, since it's a topic that you either believe or you don't. I feel comfortable with you, Mary Anne. So…what scares you?"

"Ghosts," I answer immediately. "Spiders and bugs, too. I hate them."

Lorenzo laughs. "Well if I ever see one when I'm with you I'll be sure to get rid of it."

"My hero," I say, holding my hand up to my head as if in distress. I pause, then reach over and put my hand over his. "Thank you for telling me that story. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with me to tell it. That really means a lot."

Lorenzo looks as if he wants to say something, but shakes his head. "We should probably get back," he says quickly.

I nod and get up, dusting off my pants. We head back to my car in silence. Once we're inside and buckled up Lorenzo says, "Thank you for agreeing to come here with me. I had a lot of fun."

"Me too."

I drive back to the office slowly. I never want the lunch to end. I think back to being on the swings, and how wonderful and free I felt. This is what I want. I want to be with someone who makes me feel happy. I feel like right now Lorenzo is that someone. With Logan it was always comfort. Just being with the same person for that long felt routine. I loved him, but I didn't feel the same spark I used to feel when I was with him. I guess that sort of thing does die down, but I was always so worried our time alone would be interrupted by his mother calling I could never really enjoy it. I also think about Logan's reaction in Casa Grande. How childish he acted. Maybe this isn't someone I should be spending the rest of my life with, and I'm excited to explore the possibility of how things could be with someone else. I glance over at Lorenzo, who's staring out the window watching the cars whiz by. He feels my gaze and looks over at me, and we share a smile.

I pull into the office parking lot almost reluctantly, then drive around until I see a parking space as far back as possible. I turn off the engine and look at Lorenzo again, who's already leaning forward to kiss me. He kisses me gently, his lips soft against mine. The kiss doesn't last long. When it's over, he looks at me and kisses the end of my nose. "I can't wait for Wednesday," he says, his breath hot against my face.

"What do you have planned?" I ask him.

"I'll think of something," he replies.

I turn and get out of the car and head inside, Lorenzo walking a few paces behind me. I see Becky motioning to me frantically when I open the door. Lorenzo quickly darts past me to the sales desks. "What's up, Becky?" I ask cheerfully. I feel as if I'm floating on air, and nothing, not even annoying Becky, can bring me down.

"My, you're certainly chipper. I'm relaying a message for Stacey. She came down here asking if you'd left for lunch yet and I told her I saw you go by yourself. But you didn't did you? You and Lorenzo went together didn't you?"

"What's the message?" I ask, ignoring her questions completely.

Becky frowns. "I'll tell you if you say whether or not you went with Lorenzo to lunch."

"Why? Is Stacey having you spy on me for her?"

"So you did go to lunch with him! Stacey just wanted to talk to you that's all. She said to make sure I tell you to stop by her desk."

"Thanks, Becky. I'll talk to you later." I trudge upstairs and groan. Might as well get this over with.

"Hey, Stacey. Becky said you wanted to talk to me."

Stacey is shoving a huge stack of invoices into a folder at her filing cabinet. She jumps at the sound of my voice, causing her to drop her papers. She kneels down to pick them up, placing them on top her the filing cabinet. She turns to me and smiles sheepishly, brushing back a strand of hair that got away from her otherwise perfect hairstyle. "Yes, I did. I'm pretty embarrassed actually. I acted like a complete moron on Saturday. I don't think 'sorry' will cut it."

She sounds so blasé about the whole thing, as if she simply made a common mistake. I shake my head. "You really said some hurtful things, Stacey. You called me a goody two shoes, you said in front of Logan that I went to lunch with Lorenzo, and you pretty much accused me of trying to take Lorenzo from you."

Stacey winces at the memory. "I said that?"

"See, Stacey, you don't even remember what you said. That's the problem. You know you shouldn't be drinking first of all, but then to drink to a point where you don't even realize what you're saying and how it affects other people is worse."

Stacey's lip begins to quiver, and I can see her eyes are getting misty. "Mary Anne, I don't really know what else to say. Unfortunately they didn't create a word stronger than sorry, so that's all I can do. I'm sorry, I really am and I'll understand if you're still upset." She blinks and a single tear rolls down her cheek.

I can feel myself give in. "Stacey, I don't want to lose your friendship. I just feel like I'm going to have a hard time trusting you, that's all. I don't know if I can ever really forget what you said. I'll forgive you, but I won't forget."

"That's all I ask. I know I messed up big time. All I ask is your forgiveness. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you as a friend. I also wanted to tell you, Logan seemed really upset that night. I remember he couldn't even remember where I lived. He just seemed to be out of it, he drove around and I think he got us lost for a minute. Then I told him where to go. He said he was going to talk to you and try and work things out. Did he?"

"Yeah, he came by," I say softly. Saturday seemed like I it was so long ago. So much has happened since then.

"Well, what happened? Did you to work things out?"

"Not really," I reply, trying to decide how I go about explaning why.

"Well, we can talk about it later. If you want to, that is," she pauses and sighs. "I guess I should go apologize to Lorenzo too. He probably hates me."

I have to tell her. I can't let her find out from him. I clear my throat. "Uh, Stacey, about Lorenzo. There's something I need to tell you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Go on," Stacey prods. "What did you need to tell me?"

"Well…" I trail off. This is going to be harder than I thought. How do I put it into words so that she doesn't bite my head off? Oh boy. "Well," I repeat. "You see, after Logan took you home I ran off looking for you guys and then Lorenzo found me and he drove me home and he told me he had feelings for me and then we kissed and Logan saw us and he pretty much told me he never wanted to speak to me again and then Lorenzo and I went to lunch today and I think we're sort of dating because he asked me out on Wednesday and I said yes and I think I like him too." I let the words rush out of my mouth without pause in one big jumble. I squeeze my eyes shut when I finish. I expect to hear shouts. Curse words. _Something_. All I hear is silence. I open my eyes.

Stacey is standing woodenly in front of me, not blinking. She looks dazed, her eyes slightly glazed over as if she just woke up from a long nap. When she finally opens her mouth to speak her voice sounds hoarse. "You…and Lorenzo? You guys kissed?"

I nod weakly, not meeting her eyes. "It just happened," I say, as if that explains everything. "I don't know how really, it just did."

Stacey cocks her head and fixes her eyes on the ceiling, hoping maybe somehow she'll find answers there. "Well, what can be done?" she asks.

I'm not sure if she asking rhetorically or if she really wants me to answer the question. I merely shrug. "Nothing," she says simply. "Obviously Lorenzo has feelings for you. He is not interested in me. He made that quite clear on Saturday. Who am I to stand in the way? If you and Logan are finished, as you say you are, then I wish you all the best. This isn't going to be a war between us, Mary Anne. I already lost one good friend over a boy. I will not let myself be foolish enough to do the same with you."

I start to reply, but am interrupted by Stacey's intercom buzzing. She walks over to her phone and presses it. "Yes?"

"Stacey I have Lorraine from Jackson's Plumbing on line two. She says she hasn't received a check yet." Becky's voice sounds staticky as it comes through the speaker. Stacey rolls her eyes. "Oh my lord, that woman! I already told her I mailed it. Okay, Becky I got it." Stacey rolls her eyes again and lets go of the intercom button. "Sorry, Mary Anne, this lady is a quack. We'll talk later okay?"

"Okay," I reply, and hurry upstairs, realizing I spent much more time than I should have in there. I hope Dan isn't looking for me. I should've been back from lunch almost twenty minutes ago.

I sit at my desk, out of breath. Dan isn't in his office. I breathe a sigh of relief. Things went better than I expected with Stacey. I expected her to hit the roof, but she seemed to take it well. Maybe this is a sign that things are finally going to start to go smoothly.

* * *

"I hate to ask you this, but do you mind if we stop at my parent's house before we go out tonight? My mother needs me to drop off something for her." Lorenzo peers over my computer, his green eyes staring at me intently.

I glance up from my computer. It's nearly four o'clock on Wednesday afternoon, the day of our big first date. Why am I suddenly getting déjà vu? I certainly hope I don't have the same problems that I did with Logan and his intrusive mother. "That sounds fine," I say. "Did you want to just go right after work?"

"Yeah, why don't we just leave together? You can follow me in your car. She lives in Stoneybrook too, so it shouldn't take that long," Lorenzo rolls his eyes slightly. "You know how mothers can be."

"Actually I don't," I say softly. "My mother died when I was a baby."

Lorenzo looks stricken. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I just assumed – "

I cut him off. "It's okay, don't feel bad. You didn't know."

Lorenzo reaches out and gently touches my cheek. "I'll see you at five, okay?"

I nod, my cheek feeling tingly from his touch. "See you then."

As soon as he leaves I grab my purse and go to the bathroom. I'm meeting his mother! I need to make sure I look presentable. I'm glad I already made it a point to dress up today since I knew Lorenzo and I were going on our first date. I'm wearing the same black skirt and red and black lacy blouse I wore when I went to Casa Grande with Logan. I had wanted to wear something sexy for our first night out, which now looking in the mirror makes me feel like it's too sexy to meet his mother. Oh, well. There's really not much I can do about it now.

I pull a small comb out of my purse and quickly run it through my hair. I dab on a little lip gloss and swallow nervously at my reflection. I didn't tell anyone about my date tonight. Things between Stacey and I are okay, she hasn't really mentioned Lorenzo. Then again she hasn't seen us together so I can't say for sure that she's totally fine with the situation. Hopefully Saturday night was a bit of a reality check for her and maybe she really is past everything.

At five o'clock, I walk outside to my car. No sooner have I started the engine than I feel the buzzing of my cell phone. My screen flashes Lorenzo's name, and I can't help but smile. We exchanged numbers on Monday night after he walked me to my car, but this is the first time he's called. I get a fluttery feeling in my stomach as I flip my phone open. "Hey, I just got to my car," I answer without really saying hello.

"So I see. Have I told you that you look completely gorgeous this evening? I'm in my car too, right behind you."

I glance in my rearview mirror and sure enough, I see his silver BMW waiting outside of my parking space. I back up, then let him pass and follow him outside of the parking lot. "How do you get out of here so fast?" I ask him, cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder. "Are you part ninja?"

Lorenzo laughs his wonderful laugh. "You know, you're pretty funny sometimes. I actually am part ninja, I just don't like to talk about it. Sometimes it intimidates people."

I giggle. "You're quite the comedian yourself. So, where does your mom live?"

"Bradford Court."

"Oh, wow, no way! I used to live on that street!"

"Really? That would be cool if she lives in your old house."

"It would certainly make for a small world."

I get a sense of nostalgia as we pull up on the street. His mother actually lives across the street and three houses over from my old house. I point out my house to Lorenzo as we're getting out of our cars. "That's it right there. The light blue one. My friend Kristy used to live right next door." I point across the street. "That's my friend Claudia's house. That's where we used to go to our club meetings."

"Wow, you were pretty lucky to have your friends so close by," Lorenzo comments.

"I was. Unfortunately, Kristy moved away when we were thirteen. Her mom married again and she moved over to McLelland Road. Then I moved when my father remarried. Claudia's family is the only one that stayed. But she goes to school in New York and we really don't talk much anymore."

"That happens with friendships. They come and go."

I nod in agreement. "Well I guess we should head inside so we don't keep your mom waiting." I realize I'm making it sound like we're going to the dentist.

Lorenzo rests his hand on the small of my back. He leans over and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry, this won't take long." He opens his car and pulls out a plastic bag. "She just needed me to drop off some tools that I'd borrowed."

I follow Lorenzo nervously as he walks up the stairs to the front porch. He knocks on the door. I hear a shriek on the other side of the door, which is then flung open by a little girl with dark brown curls. "Renzo!" she squeals, lifting her arms up for a hug.

"Hey Molly!" he bends over to pick up the girl, and plants a kiss on the top her head. He turns to me. "Mary Anne, this is Molly. She's my little sister. She's six."

"Six and a half," Molly says, wriggling out of his grasp.

Lorenzo rolls his eyes at me. "Sorry, Molly. Six and a half."

"Molly Mae, I've told you to look through the window before you answer the door. Did you look to see who was there first?" An older woman with dark brown curls like Molly's comes out from behind the door. She has a slight Italian accent, and she's very soft spoken. Molly stretches her arms out to her mother, who takes her from Lorenzo.

"Yes, mommy."

"Hey hon," the woman says to Lorenzo. "This one's been a bundle of energy today. Give me just a sec, I'm going to put her favorite movie on for her. Come in."

"Sure mom," Lorenzo walks into the house and motions for me to follow. I walk into the living room and perch myself on the edge of a big blue sofa. Lorenzo sits next to me. I look around the room. There's a Cabbage Patch doll on the table in front of us, and a game of Candy Land that looks like it was started but never finished on the floor. On top of the fireplace sits a picture of Lorenzo when he was younger. He's wearing a blue polo shirt and he has the same brown curls as his mom. He has on braces. Next to it is a picture of Molly, sitting in front of a sky background, with her hands resting on her lap. Her curls frame her smiling face.

Lorenzo catches me looking at the pictures. "I hated having curly hair," he says. "That's why I keep my hair so short."

"I think you look great either way," I tell him. "Your sister is, um, a lot younger than you." I don't how else to say it.

"She was a surprise," is all he says. He pauses. "But a good one."

Lorenzo's mom comes back into the room. "I'm sorry about that. Lorenzo do you have those tools? Your father has been wanting to start building Molly a case for her toys, since she likes to leave them around everywhere." She bends over and dumps the contents of the Candy Land game into its box and closes it. Her gaze finally lands on me. "Hi, I'm Isabella Forelli, Lorenzo's mother. And you are?"

"Mary Anne Spier. Pleased to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Mary Anne. Lorenzo doesn't usually bring girls to the house. How long have you been dating?"

"Mom!" Lorenzo wails. He hands her the plastic bag. "Here are the tools. Tell Dad I said thanks. We have to get going, we're running late."

"Oh, Lorenzo. Stay a minute. I want to get to know Mary Anne. This is the first time in a long time you've brought someone here, so she must be quite special. Would you like something to drink honey?"

I glance at Lorenzo, unsure of what I should say. He looks at me helplessly. "No thank you, Mrs. Forelli. I'm fine."

"Mom, Mary Anne came by because we had prior plans but you called me needing the tools. We work together, so she just came along before we went out."

"I see. Well I don't want to keep you. You'll have to stop by again sometime so we can chat without my son having a fit. Why don't you have dinner with us on Sunday? I usually make a huge meal, enough to feed an army. You're more than welcome."

I don't bother to look at Lorenzo. "I'd love to Mrs. Forelli, thank you."

We head for the door and Lorenzo rests his hand on my back. "Tell Dad I said hello, Mom. I guess we'll see you on Sunday then. Love you."

"Bye, hon. Bye Mary Anne." His mom closes the door after us.

"Phew!" Lorenzo says as we step outside. "Sorry about that. My mother just loves to embarrass me. You didn't have to agree to come on Sunday if you don't want to."

"Are you kidding? I'd love to come! I don't get nice home cooked meals that often, so I really don't mind. Besides, your mom seems nice."

"She is. She's just…well a mom, I guess." He gives me a sideways glance. "I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't complain."

I shake my head. "I didn't really know my mom. It's okay, you don't need to apologize. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I'd known her, but I grew up with people that cared about me, and I turned out okay."

Lorenzo pulls me closer to him. "You turned out better than okay," he says, kissing my cheek. "You turned out great."

I feel myself blush. "So what did you have planned for tonight?"

"Actually, it's such a nice night. I thought we could go to this mini-golf course in Mercer. Have you been mini-golfing before?"

"Yeah," I answer, thinking of Sea City and mini-golfing with Stacey. I feel a little too dressed up for mini-golf, but I don't say anything.

"Okay, great. We can just take my car."

The drive to the golf course is nice. Lorenzo keeps one hand on mine almost the whole time. There are no phone calls, no music playing, nothing but Lorenzo and I. It's about a thirty minute drive to the golf course, and the time flies by. There's never a dull moment in the conversation. We talk about our families, I tell him about Dad and Sharon and the divorce, and my relationship with Dawn. He tells me about the day he found out his mother was pregnant with Molly. "They obviously weren't trying for a baby. It was quite a shock. My mother was worried to be having a baby at the age that she was. She wasn't sure if it would turn out healthy. It wasn't an easy pregnancy for her. The last four months of it she had to be on complete bed rest, she could only get up to go to the bathroom. But Molly turned out fine, and she was the most perfect baby you could imagine. My mother was so relieved."

"I'm glad everything turned out okay. She's adorable."

Lorenzo smiles at me and pulls into the golf course parking lot. It's called Hole in One. Original. "Here we are," he announces.

We go in and Lorenzo pays for one round of golf. We get our clubs and golf balls and step outside into the warm summer air. It's still light out, even thought it's past six o'clock. Lorenzo plucks out a scorecard and small pencil from the holder outside of the first hole. "I haven't done this in ages," he tells me.

"Me neither."

"Well, ladies first," he extends his arm in an exaggerated gesture to let me pass him. I walk up the the first hole, which looks pretty simple. There is a pile of rocks placed in the middle of the ramp, and the hole is directly behind the rocks. I tug on my skirt self-consciously as I bend over to put my ball down on the marker. I don't want to give Lorenzo an eyeful. At least not yet.

I aim to try and get around the rocks from the left side and hit the ball. The ball goes shooting up the ramp, hits the rocks, and rolls right back to me. Woops. I turn to Lorenzo, embarrassed. "Well, you probably won't be the worst tonight," I tell him. He laughs, and I turn back to my ball to try again. This time the ball goes around the rocks, tapping it at the corner and sinking into the hole.

"All right!" I shout. "It went in!"

"What was that you were saying again?" Lorenzo asks, coming up behind me and giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Your turn," I tell him.

It takes Lorenzo three tries to get his ball in, and me move on to the second hole. My the time we've reached the eighteenth hole I'm beating him by almost seven points. "Well this was a great idea," Lorenzo mutters, pretending to be mad. "We're never coming here again." He grumbles, but his eyes are crinkling at the edges, letting me know he's joking.

After the game, Lorenzo gives me a congratulatory kiss on the lips, this time pressing hard on my mouth before slipping his tongue inside. His kiss sends shivers down my spine. The kiss ends quickly, I pull away shyly even though I find myself wanting more. "Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'm having a great time, that's all." He takes my golf club from me and deposits it into the case by the door. "Watch this," he tell me, putting his ball into a long plastic tube. It drops to the bottom and then he presses a red button next to it, which sends the ball sailing up and into a maze of tubes above our heads.

"That's cool!" I exclaim, watching several balls whiz by in the tubes before they eventually come back out at the front desk.

"I know, I love it. We used to come here a lot when I was a kid and I thought that this was, like, the greatest thing ever. I used to actually stand in front of this thing and try to take other people's golf balls just so I could watch it again."

He looks geniunely gleeful and I can't help but hug him. "You are really cute, you know that?" He looks absolutely gorgeous in this moment, his green eyes shining and his chiseled features looking soft and gentle.

There are times when I think Lorenzo is not what I thought he would be like at all. Times when I get insecure and wonder why he's so interested in me when Stacey is far more gorgeous. Was it the just the catch? Did he want to be with me so bad because I was taken, and it intrigued him? He's shown no signs of having such a personality, but I can't help but wonder. I'm used to going out with Stacey and having guys fall over themselves to talk to her. It never really bothered me because I always had Logan. With Lorenzo it was different. The minute I saw him, something clicked inside me. A feeling of want, of desire. That unattainable thing that you must have. Perhaps I was wrong for feeling the way I felt when I was already with someone else. I couldn't control it, though. Now, here we are, together the way I think I'd secretly hoped we would be the whole time. I want nothing more than to tear his clothes off and kiss every part of him. The feeling is so strong, I actually start to feel myself get hot.

"Mary Anne?" Lorenzo's voice breaks through my reverie. "You in there?"

"I'm sorry," I say, feeling myself blush furiously for thinking such thoughts. "I was just thinking how much fun I'm having with you. I'm really glad we're here."

He takes my hand. "Me too," he says huskily. "Want to go get something to eat?"

I nod, and we go back outside. Night has fallen, but it is still warm and slightly breezy. "I have to be honest, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way," he whispers in my ear as we head to his car. "You truly look gorgeous tonight, and I just want to kiss you every ten seconds."

"Likewise," I find myself saying. "You have an apartment don't you?" I can't believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. I can't stop the feeling, it just keeps getting stronger. That desire. That want. I finally don't have to want, I can have it.

Lorenzo raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, why? What did you have in mind?"

"Maybe we won't have to want anymore."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Lorenzo presses me against the car and gives me a deep kiss. "Well, we'll have to see about that won't we," he says teasingly.

I run my finger along his strong jawline. "I guess so."

We both get into his car and Lorenzo steers the car slowly out of the parking lot. "There's a good steakhouse just down the street," he says, patting my leg gently. "Is it okay if we go there?"

"Sure," I reply, even though I'm not a huge steak person. I don't mind burgers, but big slabs of meat don't really entice me all that much. Maybe living with Dawn and her crazy rants about eating slaughtered cows actually got to me in a way. I get a sad feeling thinking of her, but quickly dismiss the thought. Not tonight.

Lorenzo pulls into the parking lot of Tom's Steakhouse less than two minutes later, which is part of a large promenade shopping area that takes up almost a block. He slips his arm around my waist and leads me into the restaurant, which naturally isn't too crowded considering it's a Wednesday evening. The restaurant has deer heads mounted on the walls and dark wood paneling. It's dim inside the restaurant, and I can't tell if it's because of the dark wood or bad lighting.

We get a mammoth booth with high wood boards that stretch at least two feet above our heads. The booth looks as if it will swallow us whole. Our waiter takes our drink orders and leaves us with a bread basket filled with warm loaves of both white and wheat bread. The loaves are partially sliced and I rip of a slice of wheat, then open up a pat of butter and spread it on with a huge butter knife. Seriously, it's the biggest butter knife I've ever seen. The waiter comes back a minute later with our drinks, served in a gigantic mug. "What is it with this restaurant and size?" I ask as soon as we've placed our orders and the waiter has walked away. "Is it a guy thing because we're in a steakhouse?"

Lorenzo laughs. "Well you know guys and their preoccupation with size."

"Of course. So did you guys come here a lot when you were younger?"

"Yeah, sometimes. My mom would always prefer for us to have a home cooked meal, so we usually ate at home. She – well, you'll see on Sunday." I suddenly get nervous, thinking about spending that day with is family.

"My dad would always try and have a proper dinner, too. When I was younger he felt dinner time was family time. It's not really like that anymore, though," I say wistfully, and look down at the table, wishing I hadn't brought up the subject.

"You should talk to your dad, Mary Anne. He probably doesn't realize how his behavior is affecting you because you've never talked about it."

"I know, it's something I've been meaning to do. My nerves are delaying it." Our food arrives then and we dig in, both hungry from the appetite we've built up golfing. The subject doesn't come up again and I'm grateful.

I smile at Lorenzo, who is happily chomping on his _steak au poivre_. I realize how much I love being with him, and how I never want our time together to end. Things feel so natural between us, so electric. I can't deny my overwhelming physical attraction to him, but at the same time I feel as if there's a deep underlying attraction. I feel like we've known each other for several years instead of several weeks.

After dinner, we roam the promenade hand in hand. The breeze has picked up a little, and I shiver as we walk along the brightly lit stores. Lorenzo puts his arm around my shoulders and huddles me closer to him. "Do you want to keep walking or do you want to go back? It's getting late I guess." He sounds a little sad.

As much as I want to stay and spend the whole night walking and feeling the warmth of his embrace, I know we have to get back. "Yeah, I guess we have to."

"This was really fun, Mary Anne," Lorenzo tells me once we're on the road. "I had a really great time tonight. I, um, wanted to talk to you about a few things though."

I turn to him nervously. "Oh?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Well, I just want to get this whole Stacey mess out of the way. I don't want you to think that I'm using you in any way. To be honest, I was very attracted to you when we first met. I felt an instant connection with you. But when I saw you were engaged I kinda backed off. Then Stacey…well she showed a great deal of interest, to put it gently. I figured I would just go out with her as friends. She seemed nice enough, and I thought maybe if she was single we could date casually just to see if it went anywhere. Well, I knew after our first lunch that it wouldn't. She just wasn't my type. I'm not really into girls that are too forward or pushy. I felt like she wanted me to like her so bad, and she thought that by being suggestive I would…I don't know. The only reason I agreed to go out with her a second time was because she told me you were coming. In fact, when we went to lunch I told her that I thought you were really sweet and nice and I think it pissed her off or something. The bottom line is, I just don't want you to think that I was every really interested in her, because I wasn't." He takes a deep breath and relaxes his shoulders, as if a huge weight was just lifted off them.

I sit there in a small state of shock, unsure of what I should say. "This is the first time a guy hasn't responded to Stacey's flirting. Usually they eat it up," I say, somewhat lamely. I want to kick myself. He basically poured his heart out to me and that's all I give him? _Way to go, Mary Anne_, I chide myself.

"Well, I prefer someone who doesn't have to try so hard to be beautiful. She just is." He gives me a meaningful look and I can feel myself practically melt into the car seat.

I try to contain my emotions. "I appreciate you telling me what you felt about Stacey. I never really thought you were using me in any way. I felt a connection with you too, and it was unfortunate because I was engaged. I couldn't help but feel jealous every time Stacey talked about you. Then I felt bad because I felt like I wasn't being a good friend to her. I didn't feel I had the right to stand in her way seeing as how I was getting married. It's funny, I always thought I was happy with Logan until I met you. I felt like I started to notice all these things that I've always just 'put up with'. They started to drive me crazy."

"Well, I don't think anyone was happier than I was when you told me you weren't with him anymore. I was so upset because I thought: here's this great girl and of course she has to be taken. Then when you told me you broke it off, I thought maybe I actually have a chance to be with her and treat her how she deserves to be treated."

"Well, we're together now," I say.

"Damn right. I can't believe Logan would seriously let you go. No offense, but the guy's obviously a moron. I don't intend on making that mistake." He looks gorgeous, speaking with his brow furrowed in determination. The feeling starts to creep inside of me again. It gets stronger, almost pulsating my brain.

"Do you want to just stop at your place first?" I ask him. "I don't feel like going home right away."

"Sure, if that's what you want."

The rest of the drive seems to drag on. He finally pulls into the Pineview Apartments on Elm Street. "You'd think being afraid of the dark I wouldn't have moved onto Elm Street," he jokes as we get out of his car. "But these aparments were the biggest I saw and they had all of the utilities included, so I couldn't pass it up."

He takes my hand and we walk up two flights of stairs to apartment 2B. Lorenzo unlocks the door and flicks on the light. The apartment is spacious and thankfully, pretty clean. The living room has tan carpeting and a dark brown leather couch with a matching armchair. There's a big screen TV in the corner, and an end table next to the couch with a picture of Lorenzo that looks like it's from his high school graduation. The kitchen has pale yellow cabinets and yellow countertops. There's a long hallway that leads from the living room to big double doors at the end.

"This apartment is nice," I tell him. "You're very neat."

Lorenzo laughs. "My mom rubbed off on me, always making me clean up after myself when I was little. Well, come on, I'll give you the grand tour." He gestures around the living room. "As you can see, this is the living room. Over here we have the kitchen. And down the hall is my room." He hesistates. "Do you want to see it?"

"Of course," I reply.

We walk down the hall and Lorenzo points to the door adjacent to his bedroom. "That's the bathroom, and that room over there is the spare room. There's a bed in there…just so you know. I mean, not like you need it, I was just saying."

Lorenzo appears to get flustered so I put my hand on his shoulder and whisper, "I know what you mean. Why don't you show me your room?"

Lorenzo opens one of the double doors. "This is my room," he says, turning on the light. "It's not very exciting unfortunately. I don't have a flat screen built into the wall or a fireplace and balcony like they do on _Cribs_."

I giggle. "Well I like it." The room is pretty simple, with the same brown carpeting and queen size bed that has a cream and brown comforter. The bed is not made. Across from the bed sits a long oak wood dresser. There are a couple of pictures tucked into the mirror. Mostly of Lorenzo and his friends, including a couple of girls. I look away.

"So do you want something to drink, or do you want to watch TV or something?" Lorenzo asks from behind me.

I turn to him and wrap my arms around his neck. "Right now I just want you." I plant a kiss on the end of his nose.

That's all it takes. Lorenzo pulls me toward him, giving me passionate kisses all over and letting his hands slip under my top. "Are you sure?" he asks between kisses.

"More sure than I've ever been in a long time," I murmur.

He guides me to the bed and sits next to me, kissing my neck. I pull his shirt off over his head and begin to kiss his chest. He runs his fingers through my hair as he presses my head closer to his chest. I look up and slowly pull my own shirt off, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I've never felt so forward. I don't know what's taking over me, but the feeling of desire is so strong it's almost unbearable. All I know is I want to feel him and have him kiss me all over. I remove my skirt and sit back on the bed.

Lorenzo stares at me in my lacy black bra and underwear. Thankfully I've filled out from when I was younger. It took me longer to catch up, but I have enough to feel sexy in a bra. "You're beautiful," he whispers as he presses me against the pillows. He slips his hand behind my back and slowly unhooks my bra. It doesn't feel awkard, in fact, it feels wonderful. His hands are warm. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asks.

I nod. "You don't have to ask. I'm fine. Trust me, I've wanted this all night." I unhook his belt and slowly wriggle his pants off. He's wearing blue boxers that hug his toned body. I take everything in for the first time. He's definitely built, with strong arms and legs. His olive skin is slightly tanned. The weight of him on me feels wonderful. We roll around his bed and kiss for a long time, until I feel bold enough to remove my underwear. Lorenzo removes his boxers and pushes inside me, which causes me to moan. It's never felt like _that _before. He keeps pushing until we both come, then collapses next to me, slightly sweaty and out of breath.

I roll over onto my side and kiss him deeply. "That was wonderful," I whisper, letting my tongue trace his lips. Lorenzo gets a sudden recharge of energy and rolls me over onto my back, giving me kisses all over my face and trailing to my breasts, which he cups in one of his hands and gives a gentle suck. It sends shivers throughout my whole body and I urge him to keep going. We continue for to fool around for awhile, until Lorenzo gives me a final kiss and wraps his strong arms around me. I feel so safe and warm inside his arms, I feel like I could fall asleep there. I don't want him to take me back and have to be away from the feeling of safety I get when I'm with him. "What time is it?" I ask, lacing my fingers with his.

Lorenzo rolls over and turns his alarm clock toward him. "It's twelve twenty," he says.

I sigh. "I don't want to go," I say, feeling very sad.

"So don't," Lorenzo whispers, stroking my hair.

"I don't want to," I repeat. "But I think I should. We both have work tomorrow."

We stay there, our arms wrapped around each other for a few more minutes, before Lorenzo finally heaves a deep sigh and gets up. "I better do this now or I'll never want to let you go." He slowly pulls on his clothes and I get up and do the same.

We walk outside to his car, and I catch a glimpse of myself in the side mirror and see that my hair is completely disheveled. The drive to his mother's house is quiet. I see my car still parked there when we arrive. I reluctantly unbuckle my seat belt and get inside. Lorenzo kneels down in front of my window, his handsome face illuminated in the orange glow of the street lights. "I can't even tell you what a great time I had tonight," he says. "I'll see you in just a few hours, okay?"

I smile. "See you in a few hours." We share one last sweet kiss and then Lorenzo gets up and starts to walk to his car. He waits for me to drive past him before he finally starts his car and drives behind me. My phone buzzes, and I pick it up. "Hey there," I say softly.

"Hey. Give me a call when you get home okay? I want to make sure you get home safe." His voice sounds so comforting, like hot chocolate on a rainy day.

"I definitely will." I snap my phone shut and drive slowly back to my house. I hope my father isn't waiting up for me, but then I realize I'm probably giving him too much credit.

I open the door quietly when I arrive, and tiptoe upstairs. I fall into my bed, completely exhausted. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect evening. I've never felt such a deep connection with someone before. I bury my head into my pillow and scurry under my covers, not bothering to change. I don't want to forget tonight. I want to hold on to it as long as I can. I remember to call Lorenzo and we speak quickly, saying our goodnights after just a few minutes. After we hang up, I fall asleep almost instantly, letting myself to dream about Lorenzo and how perfect he is and how happy he makes me feel.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Dad? Are pork chops okay for dinner?" I poke my head inside my dad's office. He's tapping away at his computer as usual.

He looks up and lowers his glasses, peering at me over the tops of them. "Yes, Mary Anne, that sounds fine." He turns back to his computer.

With a sigh, I head back to the kitchen. It's Saturday evening, and I'm going to attempt to make a nice dinner and talk to my father. I've watched Logan cook enough times that I feel confident I can throw together an actual edible meal. I season some pork chops and put them in a skillet, then drop some potatoes I chopped into boiling water. This isn't so bad. My phone buzzes, and my heart flutters as I see who's calling. "Hey!" I answer.

"Hey sweetie," Lorenzo's voice comes through the receiver, warming me all over. It's the first time he's called me sweetie. It makes my heart flutter even more. "What are you doing?"

"Cooking dinner. I actually plan on talking to my dad tonight," I reply, getting some vegetables out of the refrigerator for a salad.

"Wow, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous," I answer honestly. "But I'm looking forward to it in a way. I hope it will help to relieve this constant strain that I feel with him. He's my dad, and he's the only person I had growing up. I don't want us to lose that relationship."

"Well I'm proud of you. You'll let me know how it goes right?"

"Of course." I feel as if Lorenzo and I have grown close quickly. We went out again on Friday, and had another wonderful evening. We just went with the old standard of dinner and a movie, and I can't say I was disappointed. I didn't want our relationship to feel like it was only sexual. I didn't have any regrets over Wednesday night, but at the same time I feel like there are other ways to express the way you feel for someone than to just have sex. I wanted to build a solid base with Lorenzo, and that certainly doesn't happen with just the physicalities of a relationship. "I'll give you a call as soon as I'm done with dinner. I better get back to cooking, though, because I don't have enough skill to talk and cook at the same time."

"That's fine. I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. I thought I could come by to pick you up around five, is that okay?"

I don't want to let on how nervous I am about Sunday. I don't know what his family will think of me, or how much he's told them about us. "That sound perfect."

"Okay, great. Well, good luck with dinner. I'll talk to you later tonight."

"Thanks, I'll talk to you soon," I say, then snap my phone shut. I check on my pork chops, then flip them over. I stir the potatoes, then get to chopping the vegetables for the salad. When everything is finally ready, I set the table with our good china and serve the food on fancy serving platters. I call my dad to the table and begin to serve myself.

"Well, what's this?" my dad asks as he shuffles into the kitchen.

"Nothing, I just thought we could have a nice dinner together, that's all."

"It looks lovely, Mary Anne. Logan appears to have taught you well. How is he doing anyway? I haven't seen him come by the house in awhile." My father seats himself at the table and drops a pork chop on his plate. He takes a scoopful of mashed potatoes, looking at me expectantly.

I look down into my plate. "Logan and I aren't together anymore, Dad."

My father raises his eyebrow in surprise. "You're not? Did something happen?"

I shift uncomfortably. I don't know how deep I want to get into this. My father and I don't usually talk about my personal life. "Things just didn't work out that's all. It's for the best. I'm, uh, actually kinda with someone else right now."

"I'm sorry to hear that. It's a shame that things ended up that way. Logan was a good man, I rather liked him." My father takes a bite of his pork chop and looks at the wall, finished with his fatherly duty for the day.

"Lorenzo is a good man too. He's actually coming over tomorrow so you'll get to meet him," I say with a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

My father gives me a disapproving look that I don't know whether or not it's for being with someone else, or talking with my mouth full. "Where did you meet this Lorenzo?" He says the name like it's a disease.

"We work together. I am eating dinner with his family tomorrow."

"Is he the reason you and Logan aren't together anymore?" He continues to look at me disapprovingly.

"Not really. I think he helped me realize a lot of the things that were wrong in my relationship. He's a really great person," I add quickly, feeling like I have to defend him. I never knew my father had such a loyalty to Logan. They never really talked when he was around.

"Well, you're old enough to make your own decisions. You're a smart woman, and I'm sure that whatever choice you made was for a reason." He looks away again, and I get the sense he's losing interest in the conversation.

I take a deep breath. I have to do this now or I'll lose my nerve completely. "Dad? There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

He looks back at me, and I catch just a glimpse of frustration in his eyes. "Oh?"

I take another deep breath, unsure of how to begin. "I feel like we're starting to grow apart. When you're not at work, you're in your home office working. You don't really acknowledge me when you see me other than to say hi. You're not yourself anymore, and I know it's because of the divorce, but you never talk about it. It's like we're two strangers living together instead of father and daughter, and I don't want that anymore."

My father sits very still, and for a moment I wonder if he even heard me at all. He takes a bite of salad and chews slowly, then swallows and takes a long sip of water. He wipes his mouth with a napkin and sets it back down on the table.

"Dad?" I venture.

My father finally turns to me. "I…don't really know what to say. This is not an easy thing for me to speak about. The divorce with Sharon hit me rather hard, but I suppose I didn't take the time to realize it had an effect on you as well. I know I threw myself into my work, but it was just something I did to help me keep my mind off things. After awhile, it became somewhat routine. You always seemed busy with work and Logan I didn't really think it was that apparent."

"Well it has been, and I just think it's something we need to talk about. I mean, I also lost a stepmother and stepsister in all this, too. Maybe I could relate to you more than you think. I'm willing to listen anytime you need to talk."

Dad nods solemnly. "You were always a great listener." He sighs deeply. "Mary Anne, I just want you to know that this won't be easy for me. I haven't really spoken about the divorce since it's happened. I will do my best to be around more, both literally and figuratively. And I'm sorry if I made you feel shut out. It wasn't my intention to do so."

"I know it wasn't, Dad. This is just something I've been meaning to get off my chest for awhile. I know we've had our ups and downs, but you're still my dad and I still love you. Just know that I'm here for you, and I want help you try to move past this. I'm not saying you need to find someone new, but I want to see you happy again." This is the most we've talked in awhile, and I must say that things are going well. I take the last bite of my pork chop, happy that I finally decided to talk to him.

"I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this, Mary Anne. You've certainly made me aware of things I hadn't noticed before. I still have trouble realizing just how much you've grown up. Your mother would be very proud of the person you've become, and so am I." He chokes up a little at the end, showing the first real emotion I've seen from him in a long time.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll clear up the table if you need to get back to work."

"Well the dinner was delicious, Mary Anne, but I think my work can be put on hold for a few hours. I actually have a bit of a sweet tooth this evening. Why don't we get some ice cream? My treat." My father stands up and helps me clear the plates from the table, rinsing them off in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher.

"I'd love to, Dad," I say, beaming. We finish cleaning up the kitchen together and smile at each other. Things are going to be better between us, I realize. I'm not going to let us drift apart again. Once we're outside in the balmy summer air I link arms with my father. "Let's go get that ice cream."

* * *

"You ready?" Lorenzo asks me. We're sitting in his car outside of his mom's house, waiting to go inside for the big dinner.

I wipe my clammy hands on my pants and swallow nervously. "Yeah, ready as I'll ever be." I unlatch my seatbelt and slowly get out the car.

Lorenzo comes around from the driver's side and puts his arm around my waist. "Don't worry, my family won't bite," he says, chuckling.

I manage a half-hearted smile and follow Lorenzo up the stairs to the front porch. I'm wearing gray slacks and a navy blue scoop neck blouse, which I felt was much better than the first outfit his mother met me in. I don't want them to think I'm promiscuous.

Lorenzo rings the door bell and his mother opens the door, looking flushed. "Hey honey!" she exclaims, giving her son a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, mom. You remember Mary Anne," he replies, gesturing to me.

"Of course. Nice to see you again, Mary Anne. I hope you brought your appetite, I'm making lasagna and spaghetti with sausage."

"It sounds delicious, Mrs. Forelli."

"Oh, honey, just call me Isabella." She opens the door to let us inside, and the smell of tomato sauce and garlic hits my nose as soon as I walk inside.

Lorenzo guides me over to where a tall man with a balding head of brown hair is talking to a man and woman who look to be in their late thirties. "Mary Anne, this is my father Carlo, my aunt Gianna and my uncle Dino."

"Ah, so this is Mary Anne!" the balding man exclaims. "My son has told me so much about you. It's nice to meet you." He takes my hand and gives it a firm shake. His has a much heavier accent than his wife, with a deep comforting voice. I like him immediately.

"It's nice to meet you all," I say, looking around the group.

"Lorenzo tells us you work together," the woman I assume to be his aunt Gianna comments. She's short, with straight light brown hair and hazel eyes. "You're not sick of him yet?" she asks, giving Lorenzo a gentle nudge.

"That's enough, _zia_. Thanks for making me feel so loved," Lorenzo says, looking down at the floor and pretending to be hurt.

I put my hand on Lorenzo's shoulder. "No, Lorenzo's a great guy. I don't think I could be sick of him." I smile sweetly at Lorenzo and his eyes light up.

Molly runs by us then, her curls flying behind her as she runs away from another girl with gorgeous wavy brown hair. Lorenzo stops in front of the girl and scoops her up. "This is my cousin Bianca. Bianca, this is my friend Mary Anne."

"Hi, Bianca. You have such a pretty name!"

"Are you Lorenzo's girlfriend?" Bianca asks.

Her question catches me off guard. "Well, I uh…" I stammer, glancing at Lorenzo hoping he'll help me out.

"Don't be rude, Bianca," Gianna says, not even turning around from where she stands, still talking to her husband and Lorenzo's father.

Lorenzo sets Bianca down on the floor. "Go play," he says firmly. He looks at me after she's run off. "Sorry, Mary Anne. She's eight, and she's just at that age where she's actually starting to become aware of situations around her. She questions everything."

"Don't worry about it," I say dismissively. "I'm actually going to go see if your mom needs any help in the kitchen."

Lorenzo eyebrows go up in slight surprise, but he quickly recovers. "That sounds fine. See if she can lend you an apron, you look too beautiful to get your clothes dirty."

I feel my cheeks burn as I walk into the kitchen where Isabella is standing in front of the stove, stirring a pot of sauce. "Do you need any help in here?" I ask.

Isabella jumps back, startled. "Oh, hi Mary Anne. You sure are a quiet one! I would actually love some help. Everything's almost ready, so do you think you could get some platters? They're in the cabinet above the stove."

I nod dutifully and grab a large ceramic bowl that is white and decorated with yellow flowers and a sterling silver serving tray. Isabella drains the pasta and dumps it into the sauce pot. She stirs them together then pours the whole thing into the ceramic bowl. "The lasagna's over there cooling on the rack. You can just use the tray to carry it." She picks up the overflowing bowl of pasta and I follow her carefully with the steaming lasagna. It smells divine.

"Okay, everyone, dinner is ready," Isabella calls as she walks into the dining room. She sets the bowl of pasta on the table and I place the lasagna next to it. "Everyone sit down and serve yourselves, I'm just going to get the bread."

Lorenzo takes my hand and leads me to a chair, "Thanks for helping out," he says, kissing my cheek. He pulls out a chair for me and I sit.

Once everyone is seated, Isabella comes back into the room with a basket filled with bread. She stands by the center of the table and says, "I would like to thank Mary Anne for joining us this evening, and let's try to not embarrass Lorenzo too much." Everyone laughs as she sits down, and Lorenzo smiles at me as if to say "Families!"

For a moment it's quiet as everyone serves themselves, and all that's heard is the clinking of silverware against the plates, the slurps of pasta, and the guzzling of wine being poured into goblets.

"Would you like some wine, Mary Anne?" Dino asks me, the wine bottle aimed above my glass.

"Sure, I'll have a little," I reply, not wanting to be rude. Dino pours too much in my glass but I say nothing. I smile and take a dainty sip, as if I drink wine all the time. It tastes horrible, like sour grapes. I press my lips together and force the wine down. Lorenzo puts his hand on my leg under the table.

"So Mary Anne, tell us about yourself," Carlo asks, taking a big square of lasagna and plopping it on his plate. "What do you like do to do? What's your family like?"

I glance around the table. Everyone seems so warm and caring. They all smile at me expectantly, and no one is touching their food. I wonder if they're waiting for my answer for them to feel it's okay to commence eating. "Well, I like to knit and read. My father is an attorney. My mother is not alive and I have no brothers or sisters," I say it all very quickly, then twirl some spaghetti around my fork and take a bite, hoping it will signal the others to do the same.

Everyone remains quiet, looking down at their plates. Finally Gianna speaks up, "I'm so sorry about your mother, Mary Anne. That must have been tough for you. I bet you're a strong girl."

I can speak of my mother pretty easily. I didn't have a relationship with her so I can speak of her death quite naturally. I always find that others take the news harder, assuming that she was around for awhile before she died. "My mother died when I was a baby. I never knew her," I speak very matter-of-factly. I take another sip of wine, momentarily forgetting the awful taste I first got. It comes back to me even more painfully, and it takes a minute to actually force the sip down.

No one speaks, they only nod thoughtfully, taking in my personal tragedy. It's always one of those situations where one never knows what to say. They don't want to say the wrong thing, and trigger an outburst of emotion. I'm glad when the subject drops. "Who taught you to knit?" Isabella asks.

"Mimi. She was my friend's grandmother. But she passed away when I was thirteen."

Again no one speaks, and I can feel a bit of uncomfort. I take a huge sip of wine, the taste no longer fazing me. I gulp down most of my glass. "This food is delicious, Isabella. I think this is the best lasagna I've ever had. I would love the recipe."

"Of course, dear, I would be happy to give it to you," she smiles at me almost sympathetically.

"Lorenzo keeps looking at Mary Anne, mommy. He's not eating his dinner," Molly rests her chin on the table and points to her brother.

"That's fine, Molly, thank you. Lorenzo is a big boy though, and he actually finishes his food. Unlike some little girl I know," her mother ruffles her curls, causing Molly to giggle. She picks up a strand of spaghetti and drops it in her mouth, the thought completely eliminated from her mind. To be a kid again, and be able to dismiss thoughts that quickly.

The adults begin to engage in conversation amongst themselves so Lorenzo turns to me. "I got caught," he says. "I guess I can't help looking at you though. I'm just really happy that you're here and that this is happening."

"It's fine," I tell him, taking the final sip of my wine. I'm feeling a little lightheaded and not as nervous. "I'm really happy I'm here too. Your family is great, they're so nice! I thought I would feel totally out of place, but I don't."

"Mary Anne, would you like a refill?" Dino asks a minute later, holding the wine bottle. He goes around and tops everyone off, and I'm happy I am no the only one who finished her glass. I originally drank the wine out of nervousness, but now I'm feeling a bit looser and I nod enthusiastically as Dino nears me to fill up my glass.

"You like wine?" Lorenzo whispers in surprise.

"I've never really had it before, but it's really good," I reply, taking another large sip to show him proof. I set the glass back down and nearly miss the table, but quickly recover. Hmm, maybe I'd better slow down.

Lorenzo smiles at me. "You're tipsy aren't you?"

"Maybe just a little," I whisper, holding my thumb and pointer finger apart an inch as if to show the level of my drunkenness.

After dinner, I offer to help Isabella with the dishes, but she assures me she's okay. Maybe she's noticed that I've had nearly two glasses of wine and doesn't trust me holding her good china in slippery soap. I wander into the living room where Lorenzo is sitting talking to his family. Bianca and Molly are playing something that involves shrieking in the next room.

"Lorenzo tells us that you had a pretty successful baby-sitting club when you were younger," Gianna greets me as I sit down, taking a sip from her own glass of wine.

"Yes, it was actually my friend's idea. She saw how much trouble her mother went through finding a baby-sitter for them, so she decided to gather a bunch of baby-sitters at once so that someone could call and have a gurantee to have an available person," I gulp the last sip of my wine and set the glass down maybe a little too hard, hoping to signal a refill from Dino.

"Well, that's pretty genius," Carlo comments. "I'm sure a lot of families around here were very grateful for that. I wish you were still with that club, we go crazy trying to find someone for Molly sometimes."

"I would love to watch Molly if you ever need me to," I say, smiling at Dino as he gets up to get more wine and refill everyone. I don't know how much everyone else has had, but no one else seems to be showing any signs of drinking too much wine.

"That sounds like a plan," Carlo says.

Isabella walks out with a plate of cookies and a pot of coffee. "Biscotti, everyone!" she calls out, setting the plate on the table.

I take a bite of the long cookie, which crumbles in my mouth and tastes delicious. I finish off half of my wine, hoping no one has noticed. I look over at Lorenzo, who looks absolutely gorgeous in his khakis and green polo shirt that brings out his eyes. He catches me looking at him and I give him a flirtatious smile.

Lorenzo gets up and dusts his pants for any stray cookie crumbs. "We're going to get going now," he says. He walks over to his mother and kisses her cheek. "Thanks for dinner mom, it was delicious as usual."

I quickly finish off my wine and get up unsteadily, feeling a slight head rush. "Yes, thank you for everything. The food was fantastic." The room is starting to spin.

After our goodbyes, we walk out into the fresh air. I take a deep breath. "Well that was fun!" I exclaim loudly. "Don't you think?" I ask Lorenzo.

Lorenzo puts his arm around my waist. "You're pretty cute when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" I protest, giving him a shove but missing his arm entirely.

Lorenzo just looks at me. "Let's go to my place first, so you can walk it off a bit."

"Sounds good to me!" I laugh as if he just said the funniest joke in the world. Lorenzo helps me into the car before letting himself in. "You're such a gentleman," I tell him, putting my hand on his leg and letting it wander to where I know he'll like it.

Lorenzo drives through the streets quickly, making it back to his apartment in record time. He walks me up the stairs and I rest my head on his shoulder, taking in his wonderful scent. I throw myself on his couch as soon as he lets us inside, and he takes a seat next to me, grabbing my hands in his. "You don't drink that much do you?" he asks, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.

"No," I admit. I hiccup, which causes Lorenzo to laugh. "I really liked that wine, though!" I giggle, then lean over and give Lorenzo a passionate kiss on the lips. "I had a wonderful evening, honey," I slur.

"I'm glad," he says, stroking my hair. "Why don't you get some rest, though? I'll get you some water and then I'll take you home."

"I'm fine!" I insist, even though I know I'm not. I suddenly start to feel very hot, and not the good kind of hot I felt before. This one makes me feel suffocated. "I…I'm fine," I repeat. "But could you crack a window or something? It's really hot in here." I can feel myself getting sweaty.

Lorenzo's eyes widen. "Nope, not here! Come on, let's go!" he gets up and pulls me down the hall toward the bathroom.

"Lorenzo I just need you to – " I start to say, but I don't finish because the last thing I remember is throwing up all over the rug.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

My head is throbbing. When I open my eyes I'm accosted by a very bright sun, causing me to blink and see white spots. I shift and roll over. Where on earth am I? It takes a moment, but then the events of last night come flooding back. Eating dinner with Lorenzo's family. Drinking entirely too much wine. Throwing up on Lorenzo's rug.

I get up slowly and look around. _I'm still in Lorenzo's apartment_. I look down and realize I'm only wearing a Boston University T-shirt. Oh no. What happened? Did he fall asleep and forget to take me home? I struggle to pull myself up off the couch and walk barefoot down the hall, hitting a damp spot on the carpet as I near Lorenzo's bedroom. Oh my lord, that's right. Poor Lorenzo had to clean up after me. He must hate me and think I'm a drunk. I reach Lorenzo's door and stand there, wondering whether or not I should wake him up. I knock on the door softly and wait. No answer. Suddenly I realize it's Monday. We have to go to work! I don't even know what time it is, what if we're already late?

I burst through Lorenzo's door and find him asleep, his sheets tangled around his legs. He's only wearing a pair of boxers. Yummy. I shake my head and try to compose myself. _Now's not the time for that, Mary Anne_. I sit down on the end of the bed gently shake him. He stirs, then slowly opens his eyes, which look greener than I've ever seen them before. "Hey there," he says softly. "You feeling better?"

I lean over to kiss him and then remember he probably didn't brush my teeth for me after I lost my dinner on his carpet so it might not be the best idea. "I feel much better, albeit a little embarrassed. I'm _so_ sorry about last night. I don't usually get like that. I'll pay for your carpet if you need to have it shampooed or something."

He kicks his sheets aside and gets up to face me. "Ah, don't worry about it. We've all been drunk and had to have someone take care of us at one point in our lives." He winks at me. "Besides, later on you did things I've never even seen before."

I feel my face burn. The last thing I remember clearly was asking Lorenzo to open up a window. What could I have done? I bury my face in my hands in humiliation. "Is that why I'm wearing this shirt?"

Lorenzo's face breaks into a slow smile. "Oh, yes. First you threw up on the rug. Then on my shoes. Then on yourself, so I had to change you. Don't worry, I was a good boy. It was pretty impressive though, and on just three glasses of wine!" He leans back against his pillows.

I groan. "That bad? I'm so sorry, I told you I don't really drink. But you just had me thinking of something else entirely!" I exhale a sigh of relief.

"I know."

"Well, Mister Funnyman, we have to go to work. What do you suggest we do?" I stand up and point to the T-shirt. "I certainly can't go in this."

"Aw, you look cute in my shirt!" He pulls his alarm clock toward him. "Okay, it's six-twenty right now. Let me get ready, and then I'll drive you home and wait for you to get ready and then we can just drive in to work separately."

"All right," I agree. "I'm just going to freshen up while you change." _And rinse my mouth out a thousand times_, I think.

"If you're hungry feel free to grab something from the fridge. There's some wine in there too," he says, giving me another wink.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?" I ask him.

"Little bit."

I shake my head but can't help from smiling. I walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. My mouth drops open. How did Lorenzo keep a straight face while talking to me? My hair is completely tangled in the back and matted down in the front, and I have two long black streaks underneath my eyes from my mascara. My eyes have a lovely tinge of bloodshot red. Fantastic. I turn on the hot water and splash it on my face, using the bar soap on the sink to scrub my makeup off. I put a little bit of toothpaste on my finger and use that to brush my teeth, which I figure is better than nothing. I look around for a comb but don't find one. My hair will just have to wait.

I notice my clothes on the floor and scoop them up. Yuck. They stink. I guess I'm going to have to wear this shirt home. I sit on the couch and wait for Lorenzo. My stomach still feels a little queasy. I spot my shoes by the door and get up to put them on. Lorenzo walks into the living room wearing black pants and a maroon shirt. He looks gorgeous, as usual. I stand up and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You look great!"

Lorenzo grabs an apple from the refrigerator. "You sure you don't want anything?" he asks, holding the door open to let me see what's inside.

I shake my head. "The last thing on my mind right now is food."

Lorenzo chuckles and opens his apartment door. I follow him outside, shielding my eyes from the bright sunlight. It makes my head hurt. I pull the T-shirt down as far as it will go and walk quickly to Lorenzo's car, not wanting to be seen. I duck my head and wait for Lorenzo to approach the car.

"I could have given you a trench coat and hat if you didn't want to be noticed," Lorenzo jokes, unlocking the car door.

"Very funny," I say.

I'm relieved to find our driveway empty when we reach my house, which means my father has already left for work and hopefully didn't notice that I never came home. "You can wait in the living room and watch TV if you want," I offer as we step inside. "I'll try to be quick."

I run into the laundry room and toss my clothes inside, figuring I should at least wash them before the smell sets in.

I peel the T-shirt off as soon as I'm in my room and fold it neatly, setting it on the bed. I stand in my closet and pull on a pair of brown suede pants and a beige short sleeved V-neck shirt. I brush the tangles out of my hair and throw it back into a ponytail, not really caring what it looks like. After I'm finished applying my makeup I head downstairs and into the living room, where it appears Lorenzo is making a big show of pretending to be asleep, snoring loudly for extra effect.

I walk up and turn the television off. "You are absolutely hilarious," I tell him. "I did not even take a long time."

Lorenzo rubs his eyes and stretches his arms. "Where am I? How long have I been alseep? What time is it?" He tries to look confused, but starts to crack up a minute later.

I laugh with him. "Has anyone ever told you to go into comedy?" I ask him.

"No."

"Good," I say, handing him his T-shirt. "Thank you for the shirt."

He takes the shirt and takes a deep whiff. "Ah, puke. I'll never wash this shirt again."

"You're full of them today aren't you?" I say, trying to sound haughty even though I feel my cheeks redden. I have to admit I'm enjoying the banter between us. I usually don't feel bold enough to make wisecracks with people, but Lorenzo's so funny and easygoing he brings it out in me.

"I'll have just a few more 'I got drunk' jokes and then I promise I'm done," he says, looking very serious.

"I'll be looking forward to that," I say, giving him a soft kiss. "Let's get going now, before we're late," I whisper while our lips are still pressed together.

"If we must," Lorenzo sighs.

I let Lorenzo go ahead of me to work and am greeted by Becky as I arrive. "Mary Anne!" she exclaims when she sees me. "You look like crap, what happened to you?"

"Thank you ever so much, Becky. I can always count on you to make me feel my best. I guess I had somewhat of a rough night," I say.

"I can tell."

"Your candor is appreciated," I reply, and start to head up the stairs. I pass by Stacey's office who motions to me frantically. "What's up Stace?"

"Nothing, I just feel like we haven't talked in forever," she pauses as she looks me up and down. "Are you sick?"

"No, I just had a bad night."

A knowing smile spreads over Stacey's face. "Oh my lord, are you hungover? You are, aren't you?"

I can feel my face break into a smile. "Okay, you got me. How can you tell?" I stop when I see the look on her face. "Never mind."

"So where did you go last night?"

Despite what Stacey said about being okay with Lorenzo, I still hesitate to tell her anything about him. I don't want her to think I'm rubbing in the fact that I'm with him now and she isn't. I decide to tell her the truth. "I ate dinner with Lorenzo's family."

I see Stacey's eyes flash for just the briefest of seconds, but it's gone before I know it and replaced with a bright smile. "Really? That's great! It's moving a little fast don't you think? I mean, you've only been seeing each other a week."

I wanted to tell her everything. Our date at the golf course, making love for the first time in his apartment, the dinner…how it seemed like much longer to me. How we'd grown closer than I'd I ever felt with anyone before. It felt like more than just a week, and I knew I was starting to develop some very serious feelings about him. Unfortunately, Stacey was not the person to be talking about these things to. "It was kind of an accident, actually. We went out on Wednesday and had to stop by his mother's place to drop something off. She was the one who invited me to dinner."

Stacey nods slowly. "I see. Well, I haven't even heard anything about this date of yours and I'm dying to know how the dinner went, but I've got a ton of work to do. Do you want to go to lunch?"

"Sure," I tell her, feeling a little guilty. I know she must feel shut out. I'd been going to lunch with Lorenzo all week and hadn't really thought about her.

I see a note taped on my computer screen when I get to my desk. Thinking it's from Dan, I immediately snatch it up. The note reads: Bathroom is downstairs if you need it. Okay, just one more and it's out of my system.

* * *

"So he took you _mini-golfing_?" Stacey asks, taking a bite of her chicken sandwich.

"Yes, it was nice," I say, a little defensively. "Don't you remember Fred's Putt Putt Course and how much fun we had? There's nothing wrong with mini-golfing."

"Of course I remember. We went for the kids' sake. I don't know if I'd want to go there for a date."

_Well you didn't have to_, I think. "Well anyway, after that we went out to this steak place down the street." I pause. "Then we went to his place for a little bit."

Stacey's perfectly plucked eyebrows go up in surprise. "Really? He…took you to his house?"

"Apartment. He lives in the Pineview Apartments on Elm. We just hung out for a little bit and then he took me home." I don't want to tell her about what we did there. Not yet.

"Hmm," she replies. I wonder what she's thinking. If she knows I'm lying to her. After a long silence she says, "So tell me how this dinner was with his family."

I cringe at the memory. The last parts of the evening were kind of fuzzy, but I hope I didn't make too big a fool of myself. I'm sure Lorenzo would've mentioned if I said something truly awful. "It was going fine until they served me wine for dinner. I had three glasses," I look down into my plate.

Stacey snorts. "You got drunk off three glasses?" she asks incredulously.

"Sorry I'm not an expert at holding my liquor," I snap. I feel a distance. We aren't the same way we used to be. We probably won't be for a long time.

Stacey looks sheepish. "I didn't mean that, Mary Anne. Sorry, it just came out. So did his family say anything to you?"

I soften. "No, they were drinking wine too. Although they didn't show it as much."

"Well you just need to become more seasoned with alcohol. You'll get used to it."

I clutch my stomach. "Ugh. I don't really have any intentions of drinking again."

"What did your dad say? Did you get a forty five minute lecture on the dangers of drinking?" Stacey giggles.

Uh oh. Do I mention that I spent the night at Lorenzo's? This is harder than I thought. It's weird, I used to feel like I could tell Stacey anything. We'd become so close, we were best friends. It's amazing how one night can change all that. "I don't think he even noticed," I say finally, biting my lip. I hate lying to Stacey. It was technically the truth, since he couldn't have noticed if I wasn't there. The thought doesn't make me feel better.

"I guess you lucked out then."

"I guess so," I echo, dipping a french fry in some ketchup.

"So are you and Lorenzo doing anything this weekend?" Stacey asks.

"We don't have any plans yet," I reply. "But hopefully it will be better than last night. I threw up all over his rug and – " I cut myself off in midsentence when I realize what I've just said. I wish I could grab the words and put them back in my mouth and pretend they were never uttered, but it's too late.

Stacey's eyes narrow. "When did you throw up on his rug?"

I sigh deeply. This is what I get for lying. Karma, it never fails. "We went over there after the dinner. He didn't want me to go home while I was drunk. I got sick on his rug. I don't know why I didn't tell you, I just thought you'd get mad."

"I'm mad at the fact that you can't trust me enough to tell me what really happened." Stacey sets her fork down and looks at me, her blue eyes very bright. "Look Mary Anne, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not a little bit jealous of you. I am. Okay? I can openly admit that. What I said before was the truth, though. I really don't want our friendship to suffer over this and I don't know why you'd just flat out lie to me."

I can feel the unsaid anger of last Saturday night start to bubble inside of me. "Would you like to know why?" I ask her quietly.

She nods at me to proceed. "Well, I told you some things that I thought would remain confidential. And you blurted them out in front of Logan. I just don't feel like I can trust you anymore."

"Fair enough. I've already told you I don't blame you for being upset. I was drunk, though, Mary Anne. Maybe you found out for yourself last night that you're not really in control when that happens."

"I agree that people are looser when they are drunk. However, I also think that if the thought isn't in your head, you wouldn't say it to begin with, drunk or not," I say, thinking of what Kristy said to me.

"Well maybe I think Logan deserves better!" Stacey exclaims.

I gasp. "Is that it?" I ask her. "Has this been it all along? You were trying to break us up?" I can feel my eyes getting misty.

Our waitress comes by and drops our check on the table, unaware of the growing tension. I need to get out of here. I simply refuse to cause a scene in another restaurant yet again. I put some money on the table. "Let's go," I tell Stacey, indicating to her she doesn't have to pay. I'm mad, but she _did_ treat last time.

We head out to her car. "Have you been trying to break us up?" I repeat.

"No, Mary Anne. I have not been plotting ways to break you and Logan up. I just think he tried really hard to make you happy, and you never really appreciated it."

"I don't believe this," I sputter as I get into her car. "This is just great. The truth finally comes out after all this time."

"Yeah, you should try it sometime," Stacey snaps, slamming her car door shut.

We spend the drive riding in stony silence. I bite my lip hard and stare out the window. The tears have pooled in the bottom of my eyes, and I blink, sending them tumbling down my cheeks. I feel as if the damage has been done. I don't know if Stacey and I can rebuild our friendship again. I wipe the tears away quickly with the back of my hand, not wanting Stacey to see me cry, although it certainly wouldn't be the first time.

* * *

I roll over on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Lorenzo could tell I was upset, but I didn't want to really get into it with him at work. I told him I would call him later and tell him all about it. I'm putting it off. It's just going to stir up all the feelings from earlier. The hurt at the possiblity of losing a best friend.

I grab a teddy bear that Logan gave me for our third anniversary and hug it tight. As quickly as I hug it, I let it go. Maybe I shouldn't have any of Logan's things in my room. I get a sudden burst of energy and I get up and go downstairs to the basement to grab one of the cardboard boxes from the move that are still stored there.

When I reach my room I look through my closet, finding several of Logan's shirts and sweatshirts. I grab a sweatshirt from Stoneybrook High School that has faded SHS letters on it and smell it. I can still smell a trace of his cologne. I fold it and place it in the bottom of the box, then fold the other shirts and place them on top of the sweatshirt. I hear my cell phone ring and nearly trip over the box trying to answer it.

"Hello?" I ask breathlessly.

"Hey Mary Anne, it's Kristy."

"Hey! How are you?" I hadn't seen her in awhile, and it was nice to hear her voice.

"Fine, what are you up to?"

"Actually," I tell her, "I'm cleaning my room so that it's free of Logan's stuff."

"That might take awhile. You can amass a lot of stuff in eight years," Kristy says, giggling. "Want some help? I'm on the road, I stopped at the drug store for some shampoo so I'm not too far from you."

"I would love some!" I exclaim. "My dad's not back yet and the front door's open so just let yourself inside." I'm suddenly eager to see her.

A few minutes later, I hear the familiar thunder of Kristy's feet coming up the stairs. "Let's get rid of Logan!" she yells.

"I think you're more excited than I am," I tell her.

We get to work. "Okay, you can go through my desk and see if there are any notes or cards in there from him. I'll keep digging through my closet," I instruct her, feeling a little weird being the one to take charge for once.

Normally Kristy would've made a face at the thought of having to take orders from another person, but this time she only nods and starts opening my desk drawer. Two hours later, we've found two more teddy bears; twenty-three cards from birthdays, Valentine's Days, and other random occassions; and forty-five notes that have been passed along the halls of school over the years. "Okay," Kristy says as she stands up and surveys the mess. She brushes a stray hair from her face. "What about jewelry?"

"Well, he's got the ring…and I think there's some stuff in my jewelery box. But, I'm not going to give those back to him. Those are gifts, I'm really just going to give him his clothes, and I'll throw away everything else."

Kristy makes a face. "Yeah, you're right. I'm just having fun picturing you going over there and tossing everything in his face."

"There will be no tossing," I say simply.

Kristy sits on my bed. "So when are you going to take this stuff over? Want to go now?"

"Nah. I'll go tomorrow after work." I still feel pretty drained from lunch and don't want to add another confrontation to my day.

I hear the door open and close downstairs and jump to my feet. "My dad must be home. Want to stay for dinner? I'm sure my dad won't mind seeing you again."

Kristy shrugs her shoulders. "Sure. Let me just call my mom so she doesn't think I got into a car accident on the way back from the drug store."

I bound down the stairs and greet my father with a hug. "Hey dad!"

My father kisses the top of my head. "Hello, Mary Anne. How was work?"

"Okay," I say honestly. "Kristy's over, and she's going to stay for dinner."

"Kristy! I haven't seen her in ages! I thought you two weren't friends anymore."

"We made up," Kristy voice says from behind us. She gives my dad an awkward hug, and he raises his eyebrows at me above her head.

I smile at him and tug on Kristy's hand once they've caught up. "We can work on dinner together," I tell her.

My father lets us get to work, promising me he only has a few things to finish up in his office, and will be around to help us after. I know my father is trying, and I appreciate his efforts. When Lorenzo came over yesterday to pick me up for the dinner I expected my father to be cold, but he was surprisingly pleasant. I think he really liked Lorenzo, which made me happy.

Kristy and I decide we both want tacos so I take some ground beef out of the freezer and put it in the microwave to defrost. Kristy volunteers to chop the vegetables for the toppings and I start chopping onions and peppers for the meat. It's like old times. I decide to tell her about what happened at lunch with Stacey.

Kristy's mouth drops open in shock. "She actually said Logan deserves better? Okay, no offense but I don't think I want to see her again after all. I mean, I always thought Stacey was a little conceited when we were younger but this is much worse. What, does she think _she's_ better for him? Who the hell does she think she is?"

"I don't know what she thinks. I honestly don't feel like I know her anymore. I thought we were best friends and then she goes and says all these personal things in front of Logan. I just can't trust her anymore." I can feel my eyes water, but for once it's not from tears. The onion is making my eyes sting.

"I understand. Trust is crucial in any relationship, whether it's casual friends or a boyfriend. I personally think that you need to move on from both Logan and Stacey. I didn't mean to sound too excited earlier, but it was a result of pride. I'm proud of you, Mary Anne. You are _moving on_." Kristy smiles at me.

"I am, aren't I?" I say, grinning like a fool. It sinks in at that moment. I don't even think about Logan anymore. I find myself eagerly looking forward to the possible future I have with Lorenzo. _Yes_, I decide, as I drop the onions and peppers into a bowl. _I am going to give all of Logan's stuff back to him tomorrow. He will be out of my life for good, and then Lorenzo and I can finally be truly happy. _


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

It's very lonely without a best friend.

I discover this on Tuesday morning as I go to work, and am greeted by a cold silence when I pass by Stacey's desk. The coldness is almost tangible. I keep walking forward, my head held high like the coldness doesn't sting, but it does. Maybe Stacey's come to the same realization that I have. Maybe we were never the friends we thought we were.

Maybe we just happened to come across each other in a time of need, with me just having lost Dawn and Stacey having lost Claudia, and we found something to hold on to in each other. Some remnants of what we used to be, back when we thought nothing could break our club, or our friendships. How naïve we were.

With a sigh, I sit at my desk and place my purse in my lower drawer. I begin my usual morning routine of checking Dan's messages and updating his schedule in my computer. I send him an email status report on some things he's having me work on, and file a few papers he left on my desk from yesterday. It's all very mechanical, and I move almost robotically through each task.

_Maybe Logan deserves better_. The words repeat again and again in my head, like a taunting chant. How could Stacey say such a thing? After all I'd confided in her about him, the flaws in our relationship that ultimately became its doom. I certainly didn't think I was perfect, and I knew I had my own flaws that contributed to the collapse of the relationship. I expected support, though. As a friend you are a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, and realistic voice. You provide your honest input, however hurtful it may be, and know that the person on the receiving end will understand because you are their friend, the whole reason they came to you in the first place. To have Stacey go completely against me hurt deeply, but perhaps it was the reality check I needed to see maybe she wasn't the most loyal of friends.

I still wasn't ready to completely let go. I would be willing to talk if she was. We'd known each other since we were thirteen, and I wasn't the type to just dump a friend over a few hurt remarks. I would give Stacey some space, and talk to her in a few days. The space would probably do us both some good.

Break time rolls around and I pull a granola bar that I brought with me from home and eat it silently at my desk while playing a few games of solitaire on my computer. I spoke to Lorenzo the night before after Kristy left and told him everything that had happened. He simply told me, "Well then maybe those two jerks deserve each other." It hurt to hear two people I cared about referred to as jerks, but he was probably right.

The thought of Logan together with Stacey made me ill. I feel there are certain boundaries that shouldn't be crossed in any friendship, and dating a friend's ex is one of them. As much as I tried not to let the comment get to me, it did. Maybe she was just saying it to be hurtful, and I probably was looking into it too much.

I toss the granola bar wrapper into the trash and close out of my unfinished card game. Lorenzo and I decided yesterday on the phone that we would go to the same park we went to for our first lunch together, and I'm grateful for the temporary escape. He also told me he had a surprise planned which was making me look forward to it even more, even though I'm usually not the biggest fan of surprises. My friends once tried to throw me a surprise birthday party when I turned thirteen that resulted in me running out of the room in complete humiliation. I don't enjoy being the center of attention. I rack my brain and try to think of the possible surprises he could have in mind.

* * *

"So what's the surprise?" I burst out as soon as we are in Lorenzo's car on our way to the park. I can't hold it any longer. I'm dying of curiousity.

Lorenzo smiles. "Now where's the fun in that?" he asks. "You'll just have to wait until we get there. But I will give you one hint: the surprise is somewhere in this car."

I whip my head around and begin to look around the backseat. All I see is a briefcase on the seat and a pair of tennis shoes on the floor. Maybe the surprise is in the briefcase?

"Just because it's in the car, doesn't mean you can see it," Lorenzo says mysteriously.

I turn back around. "Okay, I guess I'll have to wait," I pout.

We arrive at the park and Lorenzo ushers me outside. "I have to get the surprise out of the trunk. Go over to the tree we sat under last time and _close your eyes._" He wags a finger at me sternly.

I obediently plop myself under the elm tree and lean back against the bark. I lower my lids over my eyes, trying to force them into narrow slits that still allow me to see. Suddenly a thought occurs to me. What if Lorenzo is going to propose? I start to panic. We've only known each other for a few weeks! It's too soon!

"No peeking," Lorenzo calls out. "Close your eyes all the way."

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling very nervous. I'm not ready for this. I have to tell him that I'm not ready to get married.

I feel Lorenzo sit down next to me. "Okay, now hold out your hand," he instructs me.

Oh my lord he isn't even going to ask me! He's just going to put the ring on my finger and assume I'll say yes. I have to stop this. "Lorenzo, it's too soon!" I wail, my eyes flying open. My arms flail out and land on top of a picnic basket.

"Too soon for a picnic?" Lorenzo asks, looking confused.

A picnic. The surprise was a picnic. Of course, what else would you do in a park? I feel my face burn. What a moron I am, thinking he was actually going to propose! "Uh, no not too soon for a picnic," I say quickly, hoping he'll forget what I said. "This is so sweet of you!"

"Too soon for what then?"

Argh. "Okay, promise me you won't laugh," I warn him. He nods at me to proceed. "I, uh, thought maybe you were proposing." I look down, not wanting to face him.

Lorenzo tosses his head back and laughs his rich, deep laugh.

"You promised!" I protest.

Lorenzo immediately stops laughing. "I'm sorry, Mary Anne. But proposing? We haven't even been dating for two weeks! I like you a lot, but I think it would take a little bit longer than two weeks for me to decide that." His eyes are crinkling at the edges and I can tell he's absolutely bursting with laughter on the inside, but trying to hold it in for the sake of his promise. He looks suddenly boyish and adorable.

I continue to look down, feeling more humiliated than I think I've felt in a long time, and considering I just got drunk in front of him and had to have him change me, that's a pretty big accomplishment. I feel a hand on mine, and I look up.

"Hey," Lorenzo says softly. "Don't get down on yourself about it. Not to scare you or anything, but the thought of spending the rest of my life with you sounds pretty great. I um…I really care about you Mary Anne. A lot. I actually thought about what our life might be like that night you spent dinner with my parents."

I smile at him. "I don't think spending the rest of my life with you would be all that bad, either. I guess you've grown on me," I say teasingly, which causes Lorenzo to chuckle.

"Well I'm flattered," he says. "Okay, I spent hours slaving over this feast for our lunch, so let's eat." He opens up the basket and pulls out two small bags of chips and hands me one. He then reaches in and pulls out a mini cooler and takes out two sandwiches in plastic wrap and two cans of soda. "I hope you like turkey."

I giggle as I take the sandwich and soda. "I love it. This is so sweet of you Lorenzo. In fact, I think we should make it a weekly tradition. Next time, I'll make our lunch."

"Agreed." Lorenzo takes a bite of his sandwich and washes it down with some soda, leaving a small breadcrumb at the corner of his mouth. I reach over to brush it away. "So you're going after work today to drop that stuff off, right?"

I groan inwardly, dreading the thought. "Yeah," I mutter. "I'm not really looking forward to it, but I just want to do it and get it over with."

Lorenzo nods. "I can't wait for you to do it actually. It'll finally feel official between us, not having to worry about anyone else taking you back."

"You worry about that?" I ask, somewhat surprised.

Lorenzo looks away. "I think about it all the time," he says softly. "I know you were together with Logan for a long time, and I can imagine that must be really hard to let go and move on from. I always worry that he's going to somehow manage his way back into your life, and you'll think you made a mistake in leaving him."

Seeing his face crumble and suddenly look very near to tears makes my heart break. "Why would you ever think that?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "I don't know. We were thrown together by an unfortunate circumstance. I mean, if Stacey hadn't gotten drunk and made a complete ass of herself we probably wouldn't be together right now. Of course, I would still see you every day and hope you'd soon come to your senses and leave that jerk of a boyfriend you had, but realistically, you'd probably still be with him."

He words make me feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. I never thought of things that way. We got together when I was at my most vulnerable, and in a way, I felt he was right. I would probably still be with Logan, miserable, and still finding myself jealously wishing I could be with Lorenzo. That's what it all boiled down too, though. Maybe I never really told Lorenzo that I was much, much happier with him now that I'd ever been with Logan in the past couple of years. The fire between us had long died out, and neither one of us cared to admit it.

I take a deep breath. "Lorenzo, there's something you need to understand, and I'm afraid I probably never articulated it in the past. I can see where you're coming from, because I have to agree that it was strange the way we got together. But you know what? I'm happier now than I've been in a long time. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but when I'm with you I just get a wonderful feeling of…protection. I forget about the world and everything else around me, and it's like we're the only two that matter. I want you to realize that there is nothing that Logan could do or say to ever make me want to go back to him. Honestly, I credit you with making me realize that I really didn't want to be with him anymore, and that our relationship was out of convenience."

Lorenzo stares at me for a long time. I wonder what he's thinking. I want him to say something, anything to break the silence. "I can see myself loving you," he says. "It's weird to feel that way after such a short period of time, but it's true. Whatever force brought us together, I'm sure glad it did." He takes the final bite of his sandwich and crumples the plastic wrap into a ball, tossing it in the picnic basket.

"I'm glad it did too. When I'm with you I never want to be anywhere else," I say, and take his hand. He squeezes my hand tight and grins broadly.

After lunch we walk through the park silently, taking in everything we'd just revealed to each other. It was a lot to process. I felt lighter, as if I was walking on air. I think my bond with Lorenzo grew much stronger, and I hope things stayed exactly the way they were. I couldn't imagine anything getting between us now.

* * *

I pull up in front of Logan's house and turn off the engine. Here we go. I notice only Logan's car in the driveway and I breathe a small sigh of relief. This will be a lot easier to without having to deal with his mother hovering around. I wonder exactly what he's told her about us. If she would even let me through the door knowing I hurt her precious son. I square my shoulders and get out of my car. It's now or never.

I pop my trunk up from the front of my car and pull the box of clothes out. I feel my stomach twist and turn as I walk up the driveway. I remember what Lorenzo told me, how worried he was that I would leave him. I couldn't believe he would actually think that, but I'm eager to show him just how much I care about him. Doing this will be a step in the right direction. I'd already thrown away the letters and cards from yesterday, and put the teddy bears and a few other gifts I'd found later that night in a box and stored it in the barn that sits outside our house.

I stop when I reach his front porch. I need a minute. I sit down and place the box next to me. I remembered a baby-sitting job I had for a family called the Rodowskys, who had a completely accident prone son named Jackie, nicknamed "the walking disaster" for that very reason. He somehow managed to get his hand stuck in a jar and Logan was able to get it out for me. I think that was the moment that sealed it. I was head over heels for him after that moment. Later, he invited me to the Remember September dance at school and I went and bought this new outfit. I even got some dancing pointers from Stacey so I wouldn't look like a complete fool out on the dance floor. Of course, as soon as I felt myself get into the whole dancing thing I kicked my shoe off and it flew across the room, making me feel completely humiliated. I pretty much sat out the rest of the dance. I remembered Logan trying to make me feel better, being so caring and patient. That was the Logan I fell in love with, the Logan I could have seen myself getting married to.

That Logan was gone, or maybe he never even existed. He was replaced by a different Logan, one who wasn't so caring, and who didn't seem too invested in our relationship. This was the Logan I was letting go of, not the old Logan. I get up and dust my pants off. I was ready to do this. Ready to move on, and get past that part of my life. I knock on the door and wait. I don't hear an answer. Maybe he's not home. I stand back and strain my ears, and I make out the faint sound of music. I knock again, harder this time but still get no answer. Slowly, I reach out and turn the knob. The door swings open and I hear the music coming from upstairs. The music sounds much louder all of a sudden. Must be why he couldn't hear me.

I walk up the stairs and knock softly on the door. No answer. I blow out an exasperated sigh. I need to do this now, or I don't know if I can force myself to do this again. I barge through the door, not caring anymore for politeness.

Logan is stretched out on his bed, his covers over him. He's leaning back with his hands behind his head, eyes closed. Is he sleeping? I take a step closer and realize that there's someone under the covers. My heart stops with the sudden realization and I drop my box, causing a loud thud on the floor.

Logan jerks suddenly and his gaze lands on me. "Mary Anne?" he whispers, paling.

A blonde head bobs up from under the covers. "Logan? What's wrong, baby? You usually like it when I nibble, did I hurt you?"

I remain rooted in my position, feeling as if I'm in a dream. The blonde head slowly turns around and I gasp.

Stacey.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **Okay, well this is strange. I'd already posted this chapter and I saw that it was updated and then I checked again an hour later and it was gone. So I'm reposting this chapter with the my note that updates may not be as frequent since work has hit it's busy season and I'm also taking classes. I will try to get the chapters as quickly as possible, though. Back to the story!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty  
**

I'm running and I realize I don't even know where I'm going. I hear cries behind me but I can't hear them. Everything is a blur. I reach the stairs and try to make my way down without falling, but my legs feel weak. I feel a hand on my shoulder and it startles me out of my trance. I let out a strangled cry and turn around.

Logan's eyes are searching my face, trying to read my expression. Stacey comes up behind him, wearing one of the T-shirts from the box of clothes I just brought. I suddenly feel like I'm going to faint. I grab the banister to steady myself. A million thoughts are bubbling inside me and the only thing I want to do right now is strangle the both of them, but my I keep my hands by my side, clenched into fists.

"Mary Anne, I – " Logan faces looks twisted in despair, his words come out broken. Stacey merely hangs back, her face completely emotionless, hugging the T-shirt closer to her to her chest, as if she's cold.

I don't respond. I don't know how long I stand there staring at them, maybe it's only for a second but time has ceased to exist for the moment. I feel a touch on my arm that's hot and feels like a branding tool has been taken against my skin. I stare down at my arm, then back up at Logan, who's trying to reach out to me. "Don't," I say coldly, rubbing my invisible burn. "Don't touch me."

"Mary Anne, it just happened…" he starts, sounding pitiful.

The words are meeting my ears but aren't making sense. I feel as if I am being pushed underwater, and I'm struggling to breathe. I need to get out, I need to clear my head. I turn around and walk down the rest of the stairs. When I reach the door I hear Logan call my name out again but I don't turn around. I hear Stacey's hushed voice tell him, "Let her go," so he does.

And I do.

* * *

"Mary Anne! What a surprise, come in!" Elizabeth Brewer opens the door wearing jeans and a baby blue short sleeved shirt. Her hair is up in a loose ponytail tied with a blue ribbon. "Are you okay, honey? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," I say quietly. "Is Kristy home?"

"Yeah, sure, she's up in her room. You can just head upstairs." She puts her hand on my arm and looks and me in a motherly way, that look when you know something is wrong but your child clearly isn't telling you. "If you need anything, just let me know," she says simply, and kisses my forehead. Growing up without a mother always made me look at Elizabeth in that way, and I smile at her gratefully. She nods knowingly and turns to go into the kitchen.

I knock softly on Kristy's door when I reach her room. She swings it open and gets the same surprised look as her mother. "Hey! What are you doing here?" She catches herself when she sees my expression. "Oh my lord what's wrong?"

The flood gates finally open. "They were sleeping together!" I wail, throwing myself on her bed and grabbing a pillow to catch my tears. "I went over there to give him his stuff and they were sleeping together." My tears fall in giant drops.

Kristy sits next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders. "Who was sleeping together Mary Anne?"

"Logan and Stacey. And she – "

"_Logan and Stacey_?" Kristy explodes.

I nod, feeling more miserable hearing the names spoken together out loud.

"Oh, Mary Anne. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this."

I wipe away a tear with the back of my hand. "Who knows, maybe I do. Maybe this is what I get for being attracted to Lorenzo in the first place, and for being jealous of Stacey when I had no reason to be."

"Mary Anne, don't say that. Look, I know you probably feel guilty for having feelings for another person while you were with Logan, but I think that's normal. When you're with someone else it's not like your eyes stop working. It's fact that there will be other people that you will find attractive. The important thing is to leave it at that, which you did. You didn't kiss him until you and Logan were already through, so don't beat yourself up over this."

"I guess," I say, sniffling. "I just don't understand why she did this. Is she getting back at me for being with Lorenzo? I just…" my voice trails off as my eyes well up with fresh tears. Maybe I should've taken her comment more seriously.

"She did it because she's a bitch," Kristy says bluntly. "And she clearly doesn't care about anyone's feelings but her own. She does what she can to make sure the attention is on her at all times. When Sam stopped worshipping the ground she walked on, she moved on to Charlie, only he was too smart for that so she got bored quickly. She probably figured Lorenzo would be like another Sam, but apparently he was too smart for her too. She craves companionship, Mary Anne. It's not about trying to get revenge. She needs to have a guy in her life, and it probably doesn't matter who. As long as he's got the most important appendage of all I don't think she cares."

I sit there silently, letting Kristy's words sink in. "I just can't believe that Logan would let her…do that. I didn't think he was like that. But then again he's furious with me and what better way to hurt me than to sleep with my best friend?"

"Plus he's a guy," Kristy says, as if she's talking about finding mold on her bread.

"I always thought Logan was a better person than that. I'm beginning to think he was never really the person I originally thought he was, the person that I first fell for."

"People change, Mary Anne," Kristy says sympathetically. "You know what though? Neither of them deserve your tears, your love, or your friendship. Lorenzo sounds like a great guy, and he treats you the way you should be treated. You've found something special, Mary Anne, don't let that go."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. My tears have subsided, but I feel completely exhausted. My emotions have been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. "Thank you, Kristy. I feel better. You're a strong person, do you know that? I wish I could be more like you sometimes."

"Am I your hero? Am I everything you wish you could be? Mary Anne, am I the wind beneath your wings?" Kristy tries to look serious.

I crack up. "Yes Kristy, you are the wind beneath my wings," I say, just as serious. "Thank you for making me laugh, I think I needed that."

Kristy leans over and gives me a hug. "Your welcome." She pauses. "Let's go somewhere," she says suddenly. "Come on, you need some cheering up. Let's go watch a movie or something."

"Okay," I agree. Thinking of the movie I never got to see the night of the dreaded double date, I say "How about that new Jim Carrey movie?"

* * *

I get back home at around nine o'clock and let myself in. My father is downstairs watching television. "Hello, Mary Anne. Did you go somewhere after work today?"

I don't even want to get into my day with him so I simply tell him, "Yes, Kristy and I made plans to go to the movies after work. How was your day?"

"Fine, although busy. There's some leftover pizza in the kitchen if you want it." My father gets up from the couch. "I think I'm going to do some reading in my office." He pauses. "Leisure reading, that is."

I smile to myself as I head into the kitchen and grab a slice of pepperoni pizza. I wrap the rest of the slices in foil and put them in the refrigerator. When I get upstairs, I slip into my most comfortable black sweatpants and a purple tank top. I start to set my phone on my night table and notice it's flashing furiously. I flip it open: three missed calls.

My hand flies to my mouth. "Lorenzo!" I cry, realizing in all the mess I completely forgot to call him and tell him how things went. Sure enough, all three calls are from him. I can feel my throat tighten as I try to call him back.

The phone rings five times before he answers. "Hello?"

"Lorenzo, it's Mary Anne. Listen, I am so, so sorry I didn't call you. There's something I have to tell you."

"Mary Anne, what happened?" he sounds very cross.

My throat tightens even more, and I can feel a lump forming. I absolutely hate confrontations. "I was at the movies with Kristy," I start to explain. "She was trying to cheer me up."

"Why would you need cheering up? Before you say anything, do you know that I've been worrying about you since I got out of work? I expected you to call me with the news that we could finally move on, and I didn't get that call. Did you go back to him? Is that why you're so late?" He sounds like he's about to cry.

I can literally feel a strong ache in my heart. "No sweetie, it's nothing like that. Please just let me explain what happened."

Lorenzo is silent on the other end. When I get no response, I take it to mean he wants me to continue. "I went over there to drop Logan's things off, and no one answered so I just went inside. There was loud music coming from upstairs, and since he didn't answer when I knocked on his room door, I barged in." I take a deep breath, forcing the lump in my throat down so I can get through the hardest part. "I found him in bed with Stacey."

"Stacey?" Lorenzo sputters.

My eyes begin to get misty all over again. I felt sick just thinking about it. "Yes, Stacey. I was all mixed up. I probably should've called you, but nothing was making sense at the time. It felt like I was in a dream…well, a nightmare. I just went to Kristy's house. I'm so sorry, I feel absolutely terrible."

Lorenzo sighs deeply. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he says quietly. "But remember what I told you at lunch today? How I worry that he'll somehow weave his way back into your life? That's all I could think about today. I just spent the most miserable afternoon imagining that you had somehow gotten back with him." His voice starts to shake, and it takes all of my willpower not to completely break down.

I feel like a terrible person. Nothing I can say or do will change the thoughts that he had. I don't know how I can convince him that he makes me happier than I'd ever imagined. That Logan and Stacey were completely out of my lives, and that I had absolutely no intention of even talking to them again. "Lorenzo, I can't take back what happened. But I also want you to remember what I told you this afternoon. You make me happy, and you make me feel safe. I don't even think about anything else when I'm with you. I went over to Logan's to get that closure, and I pretty much got the shock of my life. Nothing could have really prepared me for what I saw, and now I just feel like the biggest moron for not noticing it before."

"How could you have possibly noticed something like that?" Lorenzo asks, his voice sounding very small and far away.

"That night of the date. Logan took her home, and when we went to look for them no one was there. Maybe she drunkenly seduced him in his car, or worse, they went to his house and spent the night together. Then what she told me at lunch, how she thought Logan deserved better. She's probably been sleeping with him this whole time. She tried to tell me that she didn't want our friendship to end because of you. Which now makes sense, she was already going to Logan's every day," the words come out bitterly, and I spit them out as if they taste bad.

"I wouldn't waste your time with either of them. They're both worthless," Lorenzo says harshly. It's the first time I've really heard him sound angry.

"I'm sorry but I just saw my best friend and my ex-fiance in bed together. It's not something I can just forget. I've known them both for eight years, and I think this is going to take some time."

"Mary Anne, honestly. Let me tell you what I see. I see a guy who didn't realize that he had the most wonderful girl in the world, and he let her go. Instead, he chose to sleep with someone who probably uses guys to get what she wants. There's no true feelings in their so-called 'relationship'. So let them use each other. The fact that you're even letting this upset you makes me believe you might still be hung up on him."

His words hit me like a slap across the face. Why couldn't he be a little more understanding? Of course I wasn't hung up on Logan! Couldn't he understand that finding two people whom I cared about and trusted in bed together would sting? "Lorenzo, I was kind of hoping I'd get a little bit more support here. Like I said, I'm sorry for not calling, but I think you know now that you are more important to me than either of them. I just am asking for a little time to let all this sink in."

"I just think it's a waste of tears. You're better than both of them, that became clear today. They clearly had no regard for your feelings so why should you give them that benefit? Don't let them win, Mary Anne. They moved on, and you should too." Part of me understands what he's saying, but a small part still hurts. This is not something that I'm going to be able to get over right away.

"I just need some time," I repeat. "This barely happened today, I haven't quite grasped the reality of it yet."

"Well, I'll be here waiting until that happens. I think I should go now, Mary Anne. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Why?" I whisper. "Why do you have to go now?"

"I know you're hurting, but I don't agree with it. I don't want to say the wrong thing to you, so I'll let you hurt as long as you need to," he says, then quietly hangs up.

I don't realize it until the phone clicks in my ear, and I'm left with a dull silence. I snap the phone shut and plug it into it's charger. All my emotions are drained, I have nothing left. I have no tears, no hurt, no anger, nothing. I lay back against my pillows and stare at the ceiling. I've never felt more alone than how I do right now. I've upset Lorenzo, which hurts more than what I'd witnessed earlier today.

I get up to wash my face and brush my teeth. I dampen a cotton ball with some toner and run the cotton ball all over my face. My skin feels cool and tingly, and I get a slight stinging sensation when the cool air caresses my face. I snuggle under my covers and turn on my television. I reach over and flick off the lamp that sits on my night table, which leaves the room bathed in a bluish hue from the screen. I feel my eyelids flutter in their exhaustion and I struggle to stay awake, but the sleep takes over me and I finally fall into a deep sleep.

_Tap, tap, tap._

I'm startled out of my sleep. I blink and realize the TV is still on. Is that the sound I heard? I fumble for the remote and flick it off. _Tap, tap, tap._ Nope. I rub my eyes and glance at my alarm clock that is illuminated on the wall. It's 12:03. I get up in a panic. I'm used to hearing weird noises in our house, but this one makes me feel unsettled. _Tap, tap, tap._ I glance around my room, and let out a little yelp as I hear my cell phone buzz. Who is calling me at this time?

"Hello?" I whisper, sounding frantic. My heart thuds wildly in my chest.

"Come downstairs. I'm outside," a voice says, then hangs up.

I glance at my screen and I see Lorenzo's name. I tiptoe as quietly as I can down the stairs, not wanting to wake up my father. I don't want to know how he'd react if he found out there was a guy outside our house.

Each step seems to creak more audibly than the last, and I cringe, wishing I didn't live in such an old house. I finally make it downstairs and breathe a sigh of relief. I open the door quickly and slip outside. I stand on my porch and look around, feeling a cool breeze tousle my hair. I shiver, rubbing my bare arms with my hands for warmth.

A figure steps out from the side of the house. Lorenzo is dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and a white shirt, and looks completely gorgeous in the moonlight. "Did something happen?" I ask him as he walks up the stairs.

He doesn't answer, and instead wraps his arms around me and tilts my face toward his, giving me a soft kiss. "I'm so sorry," he murmurs. "I shouldn't have hung up on you like that. I was just so worried that you were with him again. I should've been more understanding, and I know that seeing something like that would hurt anyone."

My heart swells. He actually came out here in the middle of the night to tell me he was sorry? I huddle closer to him. "You are the most wonderful guy I've ever met. So I take it that was you tapping my window?"

He grins sheepishly. "I did what they did in the movies. I found some small rocks and threw them at your window. I had to make an educated guess at which one was yours, but I figured it was the curtains with the small kittens on it."

I giggle softly. "Good guess," I tell him, then pull him in for another kiss.

"Mary Anne? There's something else I want to tell you," he grabs my face gently and turns me toward him, his green eyes penetrating mine.

"What's that?" I whisper, suddenly getting shivers up my spine.

"I love you."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

I feel as if I'm floating. New love is a wonderful feeling. The air smells fresher, and things just appear brighter, as corny as it sounds. Maybe it's because I haven't really felt this way in a long time. It doesn't seem possible, to feel this strongly for someone you've known for only a few weeks. I never thought I believed in love at first sight, but being with Lorenzo has changed my mind. I know that the instant I saw him it was as if a jolt had been sent through my body. He began to occupy my thoughts full time. I yearned to be with him, and suddenly everything else in my life took a backseat to the possibility of being with him. I realized though, that our love had come at a price. It cost me my fiance and best friend.

Maybe that wasn't such a terrible price to pay. After all, Logan and I hadn't been truly happy for several years, and recently it seemed as if Stacey and I were in a constant argument. I began to see she wasn't the friend I thought she was. Surely if she chose to sleep with my ex-fiance she couldn't be a very good person at all.

So here I was, being in love with Lorenzo, admitting it to myself for the first time, and what was I doing? Crying my eyes out. Darn that sensitivity of mine. It was a pretty strong rush, actually. Admitting that someone has come into your life and made you feel things you'd never thought you'd feel again. I felt alive, as if I'd been sleeping for the past four years and I was just waking up. The feeling was rather overwhelming, and it was pretty emotional, hence the tears. Of course, they were the tears of joy, the ones that made me feel good and mushy inside.

It's almost two in the morning, and I'm still lying in my bed, my eyes wide and in a slight state of a shock at the revelation I'd heard earlier. Of course, I'd been able to say "I love you" right back and I knew I meant it. The kiss we'd shared after admitting our feelings was the sweetest kiss I think we'd ever had. It warmed my heart in a way that made it swell so much I thought it'd burst out of my chest. We didn't say any words after that, just had a conversation with our eyes, knowing exactly what the other person was thinking. Lorenzo drove off into the night, and I stared after him until the reality that I was standing in the middle of my porch past midnight in my pajamas sunk in, and I turned and crept quietly inside.

But I couldn't sleep. My brain was far too alert, too awake. There was no more sadness in me over seeing Stacey and Logan together. In fact, I pitied them, especially Stacey. How lonely she must've been to go after whatever companionship she could find. She'd burned so many bridges in her life she had no one to turn to but Logan. She'd driven Claudia out of her life over a boy, she'd driven Kristy out of her life with a boy, and now she'd done the same thing to me. She used to have a best friend in New York named Laine Cummings, but they no longer spoke after a terrible vacation Laine spent out here.

It was close to Valentine's Day in eighth grade and Laine spent the entire time making fun of our friends for being too babyish for having a dance for our baby-sitting charges. She also made fun of a dance we had at school, and acted as if she was better than us because she had an older boyfriend. Stacey realized that she wasn't the friend she remembered, that she'd changed into someone she no longer recognized or identified with, and she told her she didn't want to speak to her anymore. They hadn't spoken since, but it occurred to me that in a way, Stacey had become that person. Somewhat phony and superficial, making others around her feel less significant. Now that she'd chased away the only people who were truly her friends, she was all alone. That in itself made me feel very sorry for her.

I can feel the sleepiness start to creep over me, and eventually I fall fast asleep. When I wake up, I don't jump out of bed right away. Instead I lay back, relaxing and holding on to the last bits of the wonderful dream I had with Lorenzo before they float away to my memory. Finally, I get out of bed and hurry to get ready, eager to see Lorenzo and make it known to the world that we are in love.

I'm in my own little fantasy and the thought that I also have to face Stacey doesn't exactly become a realization for me. Instead, I hum happily to myself as I pull on a beige skirt with thin diagonal black stripes and a black blouse. I am full on singing aloud as I pull on some shoes and fix my hair by clipping a front section of my hair back with a black barrette. I don't care how silly or terrible I sound, I'm just happy and I don't want that feeling to ever end. I warble out some Whitney Houston song and probably do her a terrible injustice as I apply my makeup and grab my purse before heading out the door. I bound down the stairs two at time, and practically bounce into the kitchen.

"Someone woke up on the right side of the bed this morning," my father comments with a chuckle. He pours himself some coffee in a thermos to take with him to work. He tucks a newspaper under his arm and turns to me. "What makes you so happy this morning?" he says with a smile.

I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. "Nothing," I tell him. "Just in a good mood."

"Well it's nice to see you so giddy. I'm off to work, but I should be home on time, so I'll see you tonight okay?"

"Sounds good, Dad." We both exit the house at the same time and head to our respective cars to go to work. I have to admit I drive to work in somewhat of a haze and get into three near accidents on the way there, but I'm too happy to be fazed by the fact that I almost just killed myself. I stroll to the door and cheerfully call out, "Hey Becky!"

Becky looks a little taken aback. I skip to her desk and tell her happily, "I _love _your shirt. It looks great on you!"

Becky glances at her shirt and then back at me and whispers, "Are you high?"

I burst out laughing, which probably doesn't do much for my case, and say, "Of course not! Can't I just give you a compliment?"

Becky shrugs. "I guess. Thanks, even though I've worn this shirt a billion times. Whatever though." She shakes her head, but doesn't get to say more because the phone starts to ring then and she hurries to answer it.

I start to head upstairs but am stopped by Kate. "Mary Anne!" she says breathlessly. It seems to me like Kate is always breathless. She's always on the go, moving at a thousand miles a minute. "I'm glad I ran into you, I need to ask you a huge favor, can I see you in my office please?"

Becky gives me that high school look of "Oooh, you're in trouble…" that you do when someone gets called to the principal office over the loudspeaker. I ignore her and follow Kate into her office. I think I get there two minutes after she does.

"Sit, sit." She instructs me as she motions to one of her empty chairs. She gets up to shut the door and for a moment I think I _am_ in trouble.

"Listen, I wanted to talk to you about Stacey," she begins, and my mind immediately goes into panic mode. What could she possibly need to talk to me about Stacey? Had someone found out what happened between us?

"Okay," I say carefully, prodding her to go on.

"Well, she came in very early this morning and wanted to talk to me about some personal things going on in her life, although she wouldn't really elaborate on what. I know you two are friendly so I imagine you already know what's going on." She looks at me pointedly as if she expects me to spill my guts.

I only nod, because I don't know if Stacey led Kate to believe there were personal problems that had nothing to do with me. Kate sighs, but continues, "Well anyway, she wanted to give me her two weeks notice."

It's at this point that I gasp. Kate looks at me strangely, and I get the feeling she thinks I already knew this was coming. She, like everyone else at this company, still thinks Stacey and I are best friends. She doesn't realize what we've both gone through since only yesterday. "Were you not aware of this, Mary Anne?" Kate asks me gently.

I shake my head, blinking back tears. I have a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. A feeling of guilt, anger, worry, and I'm not sure what else. It was all too much to process. I clear my throat, trying to cease the trembling that's inside me. "She never mentioned she had any intentions of leaving," I say softly. "We haven't spoken as much lately," I say, looking down at my feet.

Kate's smart. She knows what to say, and what needs to be left out. She never makes anyone feel pressured or stressed; she's extremely open and honest without being harsh. "Well, I'm sure there are reasons for that. But that's not my concern. What I wanted to ask you was to look into placing a job ad online. I have here an old ad we've used in the past, which should be fine. Also call the local paper and place an ad there, and remember to abbreviate wherever possible. I'm sure we'll find someone in no time." She smiles and tries to look cheerful, but I can tell she doesn't look very happy at the thought of having to bring in another person she has to train.

I start to get up. "I'll have that done by lunch," I promise Kate. "Is there anything else you need?"

Kate looks at me for a long time. Finally, she says, "On a personal note, I'm sure whatever problems you guys are having will work themselves out." If only she knew. That's seems to be the adult thing to say. They imagine our problems are still silly things like fighting over what store in the mall to go to next. This isn't something that's going to "work itself out". This is a permanent separation between Stacey and I.

I do my best to smile brightly. "Of course Kate. It always does."

She gives me a curt nod and I turn to exit. _Except for this time_, I think.

* * *

I have to field the questions all morning. "Why is Stacey leaving?" and "Is she unhappy at this company?" and "Did something happen to her?" is all I hear for the remainder of the morning. I wonder for a moment how the word got out so fast, but I just play dumb for everyone and eagerly look forward to break time, for once.

I go downstairs, figuring Stacey won't be there. A quick glance around the room assures me I'm right. I see Lorenzo sitting in the corner and my face lights up, immediately melting away the heaving feeling I had in my stomach all morning. I purchase a bag of chocolate chips from the vending machine and join him. "Hey there," I say, plopping myself down in an empty seat.

"Hey yourself. Did you sleep well last night?"

My heart flutters at the memory. "No," I answer him honestly. "You kept me up all night, just thinking about how happy I am with you."

"Well at least I wasn't the only one," he says. "All I could think about was how I just wanted to turn around and tell you again. It's crazy to feel this way after only a few weeks, but I know it's real. I've never felt this strongly for anyone before."

We're speaking in hushed tones, not wanting to spread even more rumors around the office. I put my hand over his. "Me neither," I say, our gazes locking for a moment. We are transported to that world where only we exist. But the moment fades when Becky comes up to us squealing, "Oh my god, I can't believe Stacey is leaving! Mary Anne, is that why you were so happy this morning?" She says it loud enough for the entire room to hear. I resist the urge to strangle her.

"Thanks, Becky," I tell her. "No, that's not why I was happy this morning. In fact, I'm as surprised as everyone else."

Becky rolls her eyes. "Yeah, right. You guys are best friends, you had to have known." She twists the cap off her bottle of Evian and takes a long sip.

Lorenzo leans across the table. "We really didn't know, Becky. We were actually just discussing it now." He looks at me and winks. I smile back.

Becky pouts, unsure of what to believe. "I just can't believe she wouldn't tell her best friend. Are you guys fighting or something?"

"Becky maybe you should look up 'tact' in the dictionary. I think it would be of some use to you," Lorenzo tells her, then gets up. "I'll see you later, Mary Anne." He leaves quickly, not giving her a chance to respond.

Becky's eyes narrow in anger. "Tell your boyfriend I know what 'tact' means," she snaps, before storming off in a huff.

"He's not my boyfriend," I find myself saying, but Becky's already gone. With a sigh, I toss my bag of cookies in the trash even though I've only eaten a couple. It's going to be a long day. I walk back upstairs and find a fax on my chair, which is a quote from the online company I spoke to. I leave copies on both Kate's and Dan's desk for approval. I'm still waiting on a call back from the newspaper. It feels strange to be looking for a replacement for Stacey.

Maybe it's all for the best. Things between us were already strained as it is, and after yesterday all ties between us were completely severed. It's a little bit refreshing to know I won't have to worry about facing her every day, or how I should act. There's still about a month and a half before I go back to school, and I can't imagine having to be on my guard every day for that amount of time.

Suddenly, another realization sinks in. A month and a half. What's going to happen with Lorenzo after summer's over? Are we going to continue to see each other? The thought makes me feel even more unsettled. He's done with his schooling, so he'll probably still work here. _Of course we'll see each other_, I tell myself, feeling silly. I go to school locally, and I can easily come here between classes. I breathe a small sigh of relief.

I head downstairs to the sales area and glance at Lorenzo's desk from the stairs. He's on the phone so I figure I'd better not disturb him. Then I hear Becky over the loudspeaker: "Mary Anne, you have a call on line four, Mary Anne line four." I hate our loudspeaker. You can literally hear it down the street. I hurry upstairs and take a call from the newspaper. The guy on the phone is very helpful in getting my ad as abbreviated as possible. His voice sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't seem to place it. Finally he asks, "So, Mary Anne, don't you recognize me?"

"No, but you sound very familiar."

"It's Byron Pike," he answers, almost shyly. Byron is one of Mallory's younger brothers, part of a set of triplets. I remembered he was always a bit more sensitive than his brothers. I hadn't seen him in a long time.

"Hey Byron!" I exclaim. "How've you been?"

"I've been fine. I'm working at the paper for the summer. I'm going to Stoneybrook University in the fall and I'm majoring in journalism, so I was really lucky to get this job," he tells me.

"That's great! Sounds like the Pikes will have a few writers in the family. How's Mallory doing?" I asked him, realizing that I hadn't seen Mallory around in awhile.

"She's okay. She's not living at home anymore," Byron says, suddenly sounding uncomfortable.

"Oh," I reply, then hesitate. He doesn't sound like he wants to talk about the subject and I don't feel right in pressing the issue. "Well, I'm really happy for you Byron," I say finally. "Good luck at Stoneybrook U next year. I might see you around since I'll be finishing up there."

"Thanks, Mary Anne. In case you're wondering, Mallory met some guy at school and went to live with him. She says they're getting married next summer, and she's not going back to school. My mom and dad aren't too happy about it, but they say it's her choice."

Wow. I wasn't quite expecting that. "Oh," I say again, not sure how else to respond. I never really did agree with the Pikes' parenting. I felt they were much too lax, but then again eight kids must be a handful. I can't really judge if I don't know what it's like to have so many different children all with their own beliefs and personalities. "Well if you happen to talk to her, tell her I said congratulations. Hopefully she's making the right decision." It's the best thing I can come up with.

"I will. I'll see you around Mary Anne. By the way, this ad will come up in tomorrow's paper and run through Sunday, okay?"

"That sounds fine. Thanks, Byron. See you around." I hang up. Well, it seems like Stacey, Kristy, and I weren't the only Baby-Sitters Club members going through some major changes. It made me wonder what was going on with everyone else. I realized, somewhat sadly, I would probably never find out.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two **

By some miracle, I'd managed to avoid Stacey all day. I glance at the clock on my computer as it clicks over to 4:58 and feel an immense wave of relief wash over me. Just a few more minutes and I could put off this confrontation to another day. It wasn't really like me to procrastinate, but the thought of having to face Stacey made me feel incredibly uneasy. I really had no idea what she was thinking or how she felt.

I grab my things and turn to leave. I head down the hallway, shooting a quick glance at Stacey's office before I walk downstairs. The office is dark and empty. It's weird to think that in just a few weeks time, someone else will be occupying that office.

Lorenzo had told me he wanted me to come over to his place tonight to celebrate the one week anniversary of our first official date, which I thought was pretty romantic. As I walk to my car, I get a sudden sense of dread but I don't really know why. I reach into my purse to retrieve my car keys and hear a voice say my name. I look up. Stacey.

I stand there for a moment with my keys still clutched in my hand. I can feel my hands get clammy as I tighten my grip on my keys, probably leaving a key imprint on my palm. I don't respond, I figure she should be the one to make the first move.

"Mary Anne, do you have a minute to talk?" Stacey ventures, looking completely terrified of me. Maybe she's afraid I'm going to unleash the anger I kept bottled up yesterday after I found her and Logan together.

I hesitate. "Well…I have a few minutes. I'm supposed to go to Lorenzo's place tonight. We're celebrating our one week first date anniversary." _That's just great, Mary Anne_, I think to myself. _This is just what she needs to hear now._

Stacey merely nods. "That's really nice," she says slowly. "I won't keep you then. I just wanted to say how ashamed and sorry I am. I know it's not enough, and I can probably never make things right, but yesterday was…" her voice trail off.

I can feel my body start to tremble. "A surprise?" I say coolly.

Stacey looks down. "I guess you can say that." When she looks up, her eyes are glistening with tears that have pooled up. "I don't really have an excuse for what I've done. I knew you and Lorenzo were interested in each other, and I felt like I had nowhere else to turn."

"So you slept with my ex fiance?" I ask, the trembling turning to anger.

"Mary Anne, it wasn't – never mind. You have every reason to be angry, I know I'm a terrible person and a terrible friend," Stacey's shoulders begin to shake as a steady stream of tears fall down her pained face.

There was one thing I needed to know, although I'm sure I already knew the answer. "How long has this been going on?"

Stacey looks away. "Since the night of the double date," she says quietly. "He took me home but I told him I didn't want to go home. He asked me what I wanted to do instead and…I don't know. We ended up at his place."

I let out a small, bitter laugh. "I knew it," I mutter. But thinking about it makes me feel even more sorry for her. She truly was incredibly lonely. It made we wonder if she would admit it. "You know, Logan came to see me that night. He made me feel like a terrible person, and the whole time he'd just come from being with you." The words come out, but I don't really expect her to respond to them.

Stacey looks positively miserable. "I didn't know that, Mary Anne. It all happened so fast, I think we were both hurting and we just used each other in that time of need. He took me home right after, and we didn't really talk about it."

"Then why did you continue to see him?" I ask her, seeing if she'll confirm my beliefs.

"I don't know why! I was just lonely!" Stacey cries.

I sigh. "I know. It's just all those times I came to you about Logan, and the problems we had…I'm realizing now you were never really there for me. It makes me feel like you've had this planned for some time." I blurt the words out and then cringe after, realizing that it didn't come out the way I'd intended.

"That's not fair, Mary Anne. I don't deserve that." Stacey narrows her eyes at me.

"You know what's not fair? Finding my best friend in bed with my ex fiance. I don't think I deserved _that_. You told me you thought Logan deserved better that day we went to lunch, and you were already sleeping with him!" I exclaim.

Stacey doesn't say anything. "You're right," she says, heaving a big sigh. "I was. I shouldn't have said that. It's just Logan actually made me feel like he cared. I hadn't felt that in a long time."

My pity for her starts to grow. "Maybe if you didn't drive all the people in your life away you wouldn't have such trouble holding on to your personal relationships,"

"Logan and I really care about each other," she says suddenly, grabbing my arm as if she's trying to convince me as well as herself.

My original anger is now completely replaced with sorrow. "That's great, Stacey. I'm glad you feel that way. I think I'd better get going now, though. I don't want to keep Lorenzo waiting." I start to walk past her towards my car, but Stacey doesn't lose her grip on my arm. In fact, the grip tightens, and Stacey looks at me imploringly.

"Please, Mary Anne," she pleads. "I need your blessing. I need to know it's okay to continue to see Logan. He's all I have right now."

I glance down at my arm, suddenly seeing that things are much worse than I realized. I pull my arm away gently. "Stacey, Logan's not the only person you have. Have you tried talking to your mother about all this? I think you should."

"She won't understand. All she does is work."

"Stacey, I think you need to talk to someone. You're all mixed up right now," I tell her slowly, as if I'm speaking to a small child.

"Just give me your blessing!" she shouts.

I stare at her, shocked. "You have it," I tell her quietly. "I have to go now."

With that, she steps aside to let me pass to my car. I turn to give her one final look, but she's already gone.

* * *

When I pull up in front of Lorenzo's apartment building my nerves are rattled. I don't know what to do about Stacey. Part of me feels like I should be furious with her for what she did, but the other part feels terrible that she thinks this is the only way she won't have to be lonely. I feel like she's starting to slowly crumble, and despite what she may have done to me I still care and don't like seeing her that way.

I buzz the button to his apartment and Lorenzo's crackly voice comes through and lets me through. When I reach his door I hesistate, wondering if I should bring up my encounter with Stacey right away or if I should talk to him about it later. I knock on the door softly and he opens it up, looking completely adorable with a light blue apron tied around his waist, and a smudge of what looks to be barbecue sauce on his chin.

"Come in," he says warmly, kissing my cheek. "Did you get caught in traffic? I was just going to call you."

And just like that, my decision was made. "I was talking to Stacey," I say carefully, trying to test the waters on the touchy subject.

Lorenzo wears an expression I can't quite read. "Oh?" he asks, casually.

"She wanted to apologize," I explain.

Lorenzo nods. "Well I'm making barbecued chicken," he says, turning to the kitchen.

"I know, I can see it on your chin," I tease him.

He wets a paper towel and scrubs at his chin furiously, leaving it raw and red when he's finished. "Gone?" he asks.

"Yes, along with some of your skin," I joke. "Do you need any help?" I survey the kitchen, where I see the chicken simmering away on the stove, and a can of corn kernels on the counter. Another saucepan sits on the back burner, tightly covered with a lid as some steam tries to escape it.

Lorenzo tosses the paper towel in the trash and shakes his head. "No, I think I've got it under control. I'm making rice pilaf and corn too." He pauses, as if he wants to say something but is unsure of whether or not he should. "Why don't you tell me how things went with Stacey?" he asks, as he turns to the chicken and flips them over.

I let out a shaky breath, still feeling a little unsettled from the whole situation. "It was actually very strange, almost unnerving. She began by apologizing, and things got slightly heated, seeing as how I was still somewhat upset. But then she started to plead with me to give her my blessing to see Logan."

Lorenzo raises his eyebrows and looks at me quizzically. "That is a little strange," he comments, lifting the can of corn kernels to the can opener. He presses down on the handle and for a moment the only sound heard is the grinding of the metal against metal as the can opener blade slides around the can of kernels until it reaches its starting point and the lid drops into the can.

"To be honest, I'm a little worried about her. She seemed to be kind of frantic about it, like she was trying so hard to convince herself that this is the best thing for her." Stacey's face suddenly fills my mind, with her blue eyes wide and bright, her arm gripping mine tightly, pleading with me to give her whatever permission she thought she needed to continue the feeling of companionship she so desperately craved.

"Maybe she needs to talk to someone about how she's feeling," Lorenzo says thoughtfully, dumping the kernels into a small pan and turning on the burner.

"That's what I told her, but she didn't really listen. I suggested she speak to her mother and she told me she always working." I pause. "Which is sort of true, I guess. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting."

"Mary Anne, you're one of the most sensitive and thoughtful people I've ever met. I can see the worry all over your face, and that alone tells me there's probably validity to what you're saying. I know Stacey's hurt you…hurt _us_ really, but I think now's the time to put that aside and be there for her. It sounds like she needs you right now."

"That's exactly what I was thinking. There's still so much hurt, and maybe I'm being selfish in letting that cloud my judgement. I know you're right though. I can't just sit back and watch her act like this and do absolutely nothing about it." I let out a deep sigh, feeling a whole lot better.

"I'll be here for you in any way I can," Lorenzo says, opening up a cabinet drawer and taking out two blue ceramic plates. "Okay, I think everything's ready. We can discuss Stacey later. Right now I want to celebrate a week of being together."

I can't help but feel my cheeks flush and I look around the kitchen for some serving platters. "Uh-uh," Lorenzo says firmly, putting his hand on the small of my back and guiding me out of the room. "I told you I've got it. You are not to lift a finger." He points to the living room. "Go sit and relax," he instructs me.

"I could get used to this," I reply, as I obediently sit down on the leather couch.

Rather than turn on the television, I just watch as Lorenzo serves a piece of chicken for each of us, then spoons a scoopful of rice and corn on the plates. He carries the steaming plates into the small dining area and sets them down on the table. I notice two long dark blue candles in a pair of silver candle holders are in the middle of the table. Lorenzo grabs a box of matches from a kitchen drawer and lights them both. Then he opens his refrigerator and grabs a bottle of wine and a gallon of cranberry juice. "I wasn't sure if you'd be okay with the wine, so I figured you could drink juice if you want. You can't really hang when it comes to alcohol."

I burst out laughing. "Oh, is that right?" I ask, rising from the couch and seating myself at the table. "I think you've got me there, though. I will just have the juice, thank you."

Lorenzo grabs two wine goblets from one of his cabinets and pours wine in one and cranberry juice in the other. "It's reddish, like the wine, see?" he explains, holding up the glass to me. "Now it looks like we're both drinking wine even though…you know." He gives me an exaggerated look of sympathy as he pats my arm.

I try hard to keep a straight face as I take my goblet of cranberry juice from him. "Thanks," I tell him solemnly. "For understanding. It's not really something I like to talk about…it's pretty embarassing."

Lorenzo nods and holds his hand to his heart. "I know," he whispers. "I know." Then we both look at each other and start cracking up. He straightens his shoulders and slides into the chair across from me. "So let's eat this delicious meal, shall we?"

I momentarily wonder if he could possibly be more perfect as I lift my fork to my mouth and take a bite. Maybe he's a terrible cook, and I'll have finally found a flaw in him. However, to my slight dismay, the chicken tastes good. I set my fork down and stare at him. Paranoia starts to creep in. _Things are going too well_, I tell myself. I instantly feel silly for actually hoping to find some sort of flaw. _You have a great guy and here you are trying to find something wrong with him_. I smile to myself as I continue to eat.

Lorenzo catches my faces and asks, "What's that smile for?"

"Nothing," I tell him. "I'm just wondering if there's anything you're not good at." He looks confused so I quickly add, "It's just that the food is absolutely delicious, and I'm starting to think you're really a cyborg."

Lorenzo looks stricken for a moment. "Crap. Well, I might as well tell you now. You were bound to find out sooner or later. Believe it or not, under all this" he stops to lift up his shirt only to reveal a wonderfully taut olive toned chest "lies a maze of circuits and wires. Also, my name is not Lorenzo." He puts on a robotic voice and intones, "It's Voltor." Then he picks up his fork and continues eating normally.

I put my hand over my mouth to cease my giggling. I love him. I love that he's completely hilarious and he _gets_ it. I feel like other people may have stared at me as if I were the cyborg for suggesting such a thing. But he just gets the humor and goes with it. I wanted to kick myself for actually wanting to find a flaw. My own insecurities, clearly. Lorenzo is obviously a great guy and I suddenly felt immensely lucky to have found him.

After dinner, I help Lorenzo clean up the kitchen. It feels nice, to be sharing a moment like that. A real "couple" moment that's not all about going to restaurants and movies, just having a nice dinner at home and cleaning up together. I wondered what it would be like if we did live together, and it surprises me a little that the thought doesn't scare me. Maybe someday we will end up living together, but for now I'm enjoying the comfort I feel in being with him.

Lorenzo interrupts my thoughts by sliding a soapy hand around my waist and pulling me closer to him. "This is nice," he says huskily, his breath tickling my ear. "Thanks for helping me clean up."

I let out a yelp as he shoves his cold, wet hand under my shirt and on my back. "You're hand is freezing!" I exclaim, wriggling out of his grasp. I catch a little bit of water in my cupped palm and fling it at him. "How do you like it?" I ask, laughing.

He calmly wipes the water from his face and grabs the spray nozzle next to the faucet. My eyes widen as I start to back away from the sink. He wouldn't…would he? My question is answered less than a second later as he shoots a steady stream of cold water at my face and shirt. I shriek and run away, dripping the whole way out of the kitchen. I have an idea. I run down the hall to the bathroom, where I pull the shower massage head from the wall and turn the water on. It sprays a powerful jet stream of water and I wait, standing in the tub as the running water soaks my shoes and pantyhosed legs, but not really caring. I hold my hand over the water to try and quiet the sound.

Lorenzo finally pokes his head through the door of the bathroom, but doesn't open the door all the way, allowing me to crouch back so he can't see me. "Mary Anne? Are you okay? I didn't upset you, did I?"

"I just happen to love this shirt," I say, trying my best to sound mad as the giggles threaten to explode from my throat.

He swings open the door and stands in the door frame, the perfect target. "I'm sorry –"

he starts, but the rest comes out gurgled as I jump out from behind the shower curtain and hold the shower head up to his face. "Gotcha!" I shout.

I'm laughing so hard I'm wheezing, and I quickly shut the water off, then step out of the tub, my shoes soaked so badly I make squishy sounds as I walk. Lorenzo is holding the doorknob to steady himself as he too is laughing. He grabs my arm and pulls me toward him. "That was a good one," he says, breathless.

"Thank you," I reply, taking a bow. I lean over and pull my shoes off, which are probably ruined. "I had to sacrafice these shoes, but I think it was worth it."

Lorenzo looks at me then and brushes a stringy wet strand of hair away from my face. "You look beautiful when you're soaked."

"You look pretty hot when you're wet too," I say, leaning into him and resting my head against his chest. We stay there like that for a minute and I relax with the steady rising of his chest and the rhythmic beat of his heart.

When we pull apart he whispers, "Happy Anniversary, Mary Anne."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Stacey's last day at IMG comes sooner than I'd expected. I wasn't quite sure how'd I'd feel when the day actually arrived, but I find myself not feeling as sad as I'd thought I'd be. I pull up into my usual parking spot and walk through the door, saying my normal hellos to Becky and Kate. It's like any other day.

Stacey and I haven't really spoken since the incident in the parking lot. She'd become almost a shell of her former self in the weeks since, retreating to someplace inside that only she knew. Many people in the office stopped me and asked why she appeared so withdrawn and I could only offer a shrug in response. I tried to reach out to her a couple times, but she made no effort.

A few days after the incident, after feeling I should give her a few days to calm down, I approached her desk as cheerfully as I could, pretending as if nothing was wrong. "Hey Stace, want to go to lunch today?" I'd asked her.

Her eyes didn't leave the computer screen. "Can't. Too busy," she'd replied flatly. And that was that. I watched her for a minute, her eyes almost appeared entraced by the white glow of the computer screen as she robotically entered invoices into the system. She picked up an invoice, filled out the attached voucher, entered numbers into the computer, stamped the invoice, and put it in a growing pile. She didn't acknowledge me again, so I turned and went back to my desk.

A few days after that Lorenzo called in sick to work, and after promising I would drive there as soon as I got out to make him some soup, I trudged downstairs to see what I could buy from the vending machine. I selected the same turkey sandwich I normally go for and a bag of chips. I buy a soda and sit down, not taking more than three bites of my sandwich when Becky plops down next to me and heaves a dramatic sigh. It's the kind of sigh that signals a response is wanted.

"What's wrong, Becky?" I ask obligingly.

She casts a quick look at me, as if she didn't intend to get my attention even though she full well knows she did. "What? Oh, nothing."

I give her a curt nod and continue eating my sandwich, knowing she'll open up the minute she feels she's lost my interest.

"It's just…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you think Stacey is mad at me?"

I give her a funny look. "No, why would you think that?"

"She's been acting weird around me lately. Like, I thought she was actually coming around there for awhile, but she's back to being cold to me all the time. I've just been trying to think what I could've done wrong," Becky tugs at her hair restlessly. I feel bad for her, taking Stacey's odd behavior personally.

"She's been like that with everyone I think…it's no one's fault really. I think she's just going through a hard time. It's probably nothing you've done," I say gently.

Becky suddenly gets a mischievous gleam in her eye. "Why, what's going on?" she whispers conspiratorially, leaning forward.

I sigh, weary from trying to explain Stacey's actions to everyone. "I don't really know, Becky. We don't talk that much anymore, to be honest with you."

Becky frowns. "Well, it _has_ to do with you if you guys don't talk and now she's suddenly acting like a weirdo."

I certainly don't want to get into details with her, so I just offer the trademark shrug I've offered everyone else. "I would tell you if I knew," I lie, feeling a rock form in the pit of my stomach. I don't like lying to people, but it's much better to pretend I don't know what's going on than to dredge up all the hurt and anger all over again.

Thankfully, this seems to safisfy Becky, and she abruptly gets up, bored with my company and goes off in search of someone she can probably have an interesting conversation with.

I finish the rest of my lunch in peace, and quietly head back to my desk, fresh worries for Stacey renewed in my mind. The worries continue for the rest of that week and the next, as Stacey's appearance continues to bring about new suspicions in the office. One day she even showed up wearing ratty jeans and running sneakers, her hair in a messy ponytail. I'm pretty sure she got a talking-to from Kate. Jeans and sneakers are forbidden except on Friday.

I remember going home that day, feeling completely worn out, having been in and out of Kate's and Dan's offices all day, being grilled over her attire and behavior. "Maybe she's under a lot of stress," was my lame excuse, repeated ad nauseum.

I'm sure she would've been written up and been in a lot more trouble were it not for the fact that she was leaving the company in a few days. She just kept getting warned that she couldn't slack off just because she was nearing the end of her employment.

Those thoughts were swimming in my head as I pulled up into my driveway, surprised to see Logan sitting on my front porch. Not what I wanted to deal with after the day that I'd had. I squared my shoulders and braced myself for the worst. I hadn't seen him since that awful day, and truthfully I had no desire to speak to him.

When I approached him I saw he looked almost as bad as Stacey. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his face looked pale and slightly gaunt. "Mary Anne, we need to talk," he'd said, already looking like he was on the verge of tears.

What followed was a long conversation regarding Stacey. He was worried about her, he'd told me. She's not eating, she's not sleeping (I shuddered when I realized what it took for him to know that), I've tried talking to her but she won't listen, I think she needs help, was what he summed up with. He'd let out a shaky breath then, and I actually saw his shoulders go up a little, the weight he'd just released clearly visible.

I nodded my agreement. "I've been going over it in my mind, but I'm not sure if I should say something to Mrs. McGill. I don't know what things are like at home and I don't want to cause worry where there isn't any."

"I've been wondering that too, but I wouldn't know what to say," he said, looking at me. I know what he's going to ask before he can even say it. "Do you think…maybe you could talk to her?" He tried to reach his hand out to me, but I'd pulled away.

I looked down at my feet. "Logan, look, we haven't really talked about what happened, and I don't feel we should pretend as if nothing's changed. I will talk to Mrs. McGill, though. I think we have to, I just wasn't sure how much trouble it'd cause." I hesitated, then take a deep breath before continuing. "About the thing with you and Stacey…I think we both know that we weren't happy the way we used to be. I was attracted to Lorenzo at the time, I'll admit it. But I would've never acted upon it, I would've never hurt you the way…" my voice got choked up then and I couldn't finish. _The way you hurt me_, I thought, blinking back tears.

Logan nodded his understanding. "I think it's all said and done," he said slowly, "and there isn't much we can do now. Nothing I say can adequately capture how sorry I am, and I can't take back what's happened."

"I don't think we should talk anymore," I said suddenly, wondering where on earth that came from. It hadn't even been a thought I'd entertained before.

Logan eyebrows went up in shock, but he quickly recovered. "I'll respect that," he whispered. He stood to get up, brushing off the legs of his jeans. "I just want you to know that I never intended for things to end like this."

"I know you didn't. Neither did I. Things happened that we couldn't have imagined, it's no one's fault. It's just the way things went. Maybe it was all for the best," I said, cringing at how corny I probably sounded.

"Maybe it was," Logan echoed, but his voiced sounded hollow. "Goodbye, Mary Anne."

"Goodbye, Logan."

I knew it wouldn't probably be the last time I ever saw him, but I was surprised at the relief I felt as I watched him drive off. It felt like I needed that closure to relieve the guilt I didn't even know I had.

Now as I start up my computer to get ready for the day, a thought occurs to me. I hadn't called Mrs. McGill. Should I call her now on her daughter's last day? Will she just tell me that I'm overreacting and that Stacey's probably stressed about finding a new job?

I gather my courage and pick up the phone, figuring I better do it now before I lose my nerve. I dial Bellairs toll free number then punch in her extension at the prompt. "Maureen McGill," she answers briskly.

My throat dries up and for a moment I consider hanging up, but then I realize she probably has caller ID. "Uh, h-hi Mrs. McGill, this is Mary Anne. Spier," I add lamely, as if she doesn't know my last name.

There's silence on the other end. "Hi Mary Anne," she says after a moment, sounding confused. "Is everything okay, sweetie? Aren't you at work? Is something wrong with Stacey?" she asks, her voice going up with each word.

"I'm sorry to worry you, Mrs. McGill. I realize my timing isn't great. I just wanted to talk to you about Stacey."

"Okay," she says hesitantly. "Isn't something wrong?" she repeats.

"I'm not exactly sure," I begin. "I'm actually a little worried about her. Have you noticed she's seemed kind of…down lately?"

It takes her a long time to answer. "I have," she says finally. "She told me what happened between you two, but she assured me that you'd worked it all out. When I asked her why she was acting so strange she just told me she was stressed at work and I left it at that. It made sense to me, since I figured she'd have a lot to complete before she left the company. Now I'm concerned, though. Do you think something else is wrong?"

"I don't really know. Last week she pleaded with me to give her permission to see Logan. It was very strange, as if she needed it. She looked…desperate. I've tried to reach out to her, let her know I'm there, but she doesn't seem to want the attention."

"Mary Anne, I know I shouldn't be apologizing for Stacey, but I want you to know that I don't agree with what she's done, and I think you're a very good friend for standing by her. I know our divorce had quite an effect on her. I feel like she needs a male figure in her life to make up for her father's absence, but that constant craving ends up destroying the only true relationships she has in her life. It's hard, Mary Anne. She's getting to an age where I can't really control everything she does anymore. She's an adult now, and my philosophy is sometimes it's best to learn from one's own mistakes. I've been busy at work, and sometimes when she tells me everything's okay I just believe her." I hear her sigh on the other end, and I wonder still if she believes me.

"We haven't exactly been talking, as I'm sure you've realized," I say quietly.

"I know. You were never around, but again, she assured me everything was okay and you were just spending a lot of time with your new boyfriend."

I wince, realizing that it was partially true. I feel terrible. "That's part true," I admit. "But I just wanted to talk to you before things get worse. I'm just…worried about her, and I want her to know I still care about our friendship."

"I'm sure she knows, Mary Anne. I really do appreciate you calling. I should have questioned her when she told me things were okay. I will talk to her tonight when she gets home from work," I hear muffled noises on the other end of the line. "Listen, Mary Anne, I've got to run, but thank you. Stacey's lucky to have a friend like you."

I hang up feeling relieved. Maybe Stacey will actually listen to her mother. What else is there left to do when you've done all you can do?

Kate appears at my desk then and shakes me from my thoughts. "We're going to take Stacey out to lunch today for her last day. Would you care to join us?"

"Of course," I reply, my stomach suddenly growling. I realized I was eager for lunch. It would be my last chance to try to talk to Stacey and make things right again. I only hoped she wouldn't be too upset with me for talking to her mother.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

I hate thunderstorms.

Actually, I hate thunderstorms in my house. I used to not mind them so much in my old house. I would curl up by my window and read a good book or try to signal Kristy from my window with a flashlight and see if we could read each other's signals in the rain. My father used to not let me talk on the phone at night unless it related to school work, so Kristy and I had devised a flashlight code we could still "talk" to each other with. It came in handy more than once.

Thunderstorms in this house seem to rattle it to its core. Every gust of wind and blast of rain threatens to make the walls to go crumbling down in a pile of debris and dust. The booming thunder reverberates through every wall and echoes loudly in your ears. The flashes of lightning seem to strike right in front of your eyes. Thunderstorms may be fun for some people, but they're not fun when your house was built in 1895.

I'm waiting for Lorenzo to stop by. It's Saturday, the day after Stacey's last day at work. Lunch on that day was pretty much uneventful, Stacey actually seemed more like her normal self. It ended up being myself, Lorenzo, Kate, Becky, Dan, and John Martinez from sales who went to the lunch. Stacey was laughing and joking around the entire time, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. This struck me as more bizarre than her prior behavior.

We didn't speak much, until Dan, apparently in a corny mood, went around the table and had us each say what we would miss most about Stacey.

"Her friendship," I'd said, my eyes misting up and realizing a little too late that I'd said too much. The mood changed, eyes shifted awkwardly at one another until Dan once again took charge and thanked Stacey for being a great employee (he managed to leave out that last week of weirdness) and for always making the office seem sunnier with her good spirit and attitude. "You'll be hard to replace," he'd told her, with a pat on her shoulder. She smiled, geniunely pleased by the compliment. It was good to see her happy again, and for a flicker in time her eyes shone with more life in them than I'd seen since everything had happened. I captured that moment in my mind, made an imaginary picture in my brain and filed it away in case I ever wanted think of the way things used to be, back when things were simpler and life wasn't quite so complicated.

I'd managed to catch up to Stacey as we were leaving to ask her of her weekend plans. Her face darkened, and her pretty features became set in the same emotionless state I was now sadly used to seeing. "I have plans with Logan. We're going out to dinner on Saturday," she'd said stiffly. She turned towards me then, her blue eyes suddenly cold and piercing through me like a knife, "and another thing, I received a phone call from my mother today. Seems a little birdie told her that things aren't okay between us. Now she wants to have a 'mother to daughter talk' like she's Oprah. In the future, why don't you just stay out of my business. I have Logan now, he's all I need, and I certainly don't need Miss Goody-Two-Shoes Mary Anne coming to ruin things all over again." She stormed off, falling into step with Kate without giving me a second glance.

I shake myself free of those unpleasant thoughts and hurry upstairs to grab an extra shirt from my closet. It's not a humid rain like you'd expect to see in the summer, it's an uncharacteristically cold and unpleasant rain. I pull on a long sleeved white shirt over my tank top and head back downstairs to make some microwave popcorn. Lorenzo is due to come over at any minute. My father is in his office reading, and told me he would stay out of sight so Lorenzo and I could have some alone time, which I thought was very nice of him, and so unlike anything he would've ever done before. I smile to myself when I realize how far he's come from the man who used to force me to wear pigtails and to not even _think_ of boys, let alone have them in our house without his supervision.

I place a bag of popcorn in the microwave and locate the Pizza Express menu in our "miscellaneous" kitchen drawer, which has everything from plastic utensils to crayons to a random walnut. I'm pretty sure that last one was leftover from Sharon, who was a bit scatterbrained. I would always be afraid when she'd make dinner, because even though she was a fabulous cook, I'd eat slowly for fear I would find a quarter in my brown rice.

I hear a loud knock at the door and instantly feel a fluttering in my stomach. I'm surprised by how jittery I still get around Lorenzo. He still makes my heart beat just a little bit quicker, and makes my cheeks burn just a little bit redder, and makes my insides turn to mush whenever he kisses me.

I swing open the door and find Lorenzo wearing an olive green thermal shirt and faded blue jeans. The sky behind him is full of dark clouds that appear eager to drench us in their saturation. He shakes off his black umbrella and shivers a little as he steps into the house. "It's so cold outside!" he exclaims. "Are we still in August or not?"

I wrap my arms around him and give him a huge kiss. "I'm feeling a little bit warmer now," he whispers, pulling me closer to him.

I giggle and take his umbrella, putting it in the hall closet. He takes off his muddy sneakers and puts them next to the door to dry off. "Did you order the pizza yet?" he asks, following me to the kitchen where the smell of fresh popcorn is floating in the air.

"Not yet, I figured I'd wait for you to see what you wanted."

"Pepperoni's fine, or whatever you want. I'm not picky when it comes to pizza," he says. "I'm gonna go say hi to your dad real quick."

I smile at his thoughtfulness and order two large pepperoni pizzas once he's gone. I'm sure pizza places are inundated with calls on rainy days, as I'm told our pizzas will take about forty-five minutes.

Lorenzo comes back out a few minutes later and we snuggle up on the couch together with the bowl of popcorn balanced on our laps to watch one of the stack of movies I'd pulled for our rainy evening in. About halfway through the first movie the doorbell rings. "There's the pizza!" I exclaim, jumping up from the couch and grabbing the money I'd placed on the table.

My father comes out from his study and helps himself to two slices of pizza as soon as I bring the steaming boxes back into the living room. Lorenzo and I cuddle back up together on the couch, the momentary cold blast from outside chilling the living room.

"Hey," Lorenzo says to me during the second movie. I'd picked _The Natural_ from my dad's movie collection, figuring he'd like something about baseball, but I was nearly falling asleep, despite the fact that I thought Robert Redford looked kind of cute.

"Mmm?" I reply sleepily, jerking myself to a more alert state.

"Who's going to do Stacey's job until we find a replacement? Do you know if they have someone?"

"Yeah, actually, I think Kate hired someone last week. We got so many resumes! Kate told me that she's really excited about the new person and that she was really qualified. It's an older person, so I guess she's been doing AP for like fifteen years," I say, feeling guilty that the tiniest part of me is happy it's an older person and not someone I probably have to worry about. I instantly feel awful for thinking like that. I trust Lorenzo. I know he loves me, and I should feel more stable than worrying about him running off with someone else. I know that what happened with Logan is definitely affecting my thinking.

"Wow, that should be a big help. So will she start on Monday?" Lorenzo asks.

"Yeah, Kate's going to have to train her, which I know she's not thrilled about, but she didn't want to rush to find someone and force Stacey to have to do training."

"Especially since she's been acting so strange," he comments lightly, trying to make it sound as if he's talking about an everyday subject like the weather.

"Right," I say curtly, not eager to get into the matter.

"Did you talk to her mom?"

"Yes," I reply, thinking of how stung I felt at Stacey's reaction. Maybe she couldn't see it now, but I was only trying to help her, not ruin her life. It hurt that after all we'd been through she thought I was out to make her miserable. I was still worried about her, and I wondered what exactly was going on in her mind. "Stacey was really upset that I spoke to her. She told me to stay out of her business and she called me a goody two shoes."

"She called you the same thing during that double date, too. Remember?" Lorenzo turns his face to me then, his handsome features looking at me quizzically.

I try to think back but can't quite recall, figuring I'd probably blocked that whole part of the evening from my memory. "I don't really remember," I admit. "But I'm sure she did. I just wish she would understand I'm only trying to be there for her."

Lorenzo pats my arm. "I think you've done all you can, Mary Anne. It seems like she doesn't want anyone's help, and unfortunately, there's not much either of us can really do to change that. Hopefully she'll come around and realize what a good friend you are."

I nod, thinking of what Mrs. McGill had told me. _Stacey's lucky to have a friend like you._ Maybe I should've been there for her sooner. Maybe I let things get too out of hand before stepping in. I couldn't help but feel partially to blame for Stacey's erratic antics.

Lorenzo kisses my cheek, jolting me from my thoughts. "This is my favorite part," he whispers to me, jutting his chin toward the screen. I turn my attention toward the movie, watching Robert Redford hit the ball which sends it sailing right into the ballpark lights. I didn't really understand if it was supposed to be of some significance since I hadn't really been paying attention before that.

"Wow that's cool," I say, trying to be polite. "But aren't the ballpark people mad that he broke their light?"

Lorenzo gives me a funny look but doesn't respond. He finally starts chuckling and puts his arm around me. "Only you would think of the ballpark people," he says, his eyes crinkling adorably at the edges. He leans in to kiss me again.

My father comes into the room then, and we both jump apart guiltily. "Mary Anne, it's really coming down out there, and it doesn't show any signs of letting up," he says, not even acknowledging whether or not he saw us kissing. "Lorenzo, I don't think you should be driving home in this weather. Why don't you just stay here? That couch is a pullout so you're more than welcome."

I don't know who must look more shocked. I can feel my eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. "I think that's a good idea, Dad," I manage to say.

"Yes, thanks Mr. Spier. That's very considerate of you."

"I have some sweatpants you can borrow," Dad offers.

I glance at my watch and see it's past nine. The evening had really flown by. Lorenzo gets up and follows my dad to get a pair of sweatpants while I take _The Natural_ out of the DVD player and put it back in its case. I busy myself by gathering up our paper plates and placing the leftover pizza in a large plastic Tupperware container and putting it in the refrigerator. I wash our glasses out in the sink and rush upstairs to slip into my own sweatpants, and unearth my fuzzy blue slippers from the back of my closet.

"I didn't think I'd be needing you for a few more months," I tell them, slipping them on. I grab an extra pillow off my bed and a large yellow blanket from my closet and hurry back downstairs.

Lorenzo and my father are watching another movie when I return. I settle in next to Lorenzo (not too close) and we all watch in silence until the ringing of the phone startles us all simultaneously, which I'm sure must've looked pretty funny.

"I'll get that," my father volunteers, rising from the couch and taking long strides into the kitchen. I scoot closer to Lorenzo who whispers, "It's hard to believe that your dad was this super strict guy that you tell me about. He's being really great with me."

"He must like you a lot," I reply, smiling.

My father comes back into the living room with a grave look on his face. "Mary Anne, that's Mrs. McGill on the phone. I think something's wrong, she sounds very upset."

I can feel my heart drop in my chest. I turn to Lorenzo, whose face is filled with concern. I walk into the kitchen and pick up the phone, feeling my heart beat so loudly I'm sure Mrs. McGill can hear it. "Hello?" I say timidly.

"Mary Anne," she says. In that moment, I think my heart literally stops. The tone of her voice makes my blood run cold. I know right then that something is very, very wrong. My eyes immediately fill with tears, and I can feel my body quiver.

"What's happened?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

"There's been an accident."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

I don't remember the ride to the hospital. I don't remember checking to see what room Stacey was in. I don't remember talking to Mrs. McGill.

I do remember seeing Stacey. That was something I couldn't forget.

She was in the ICU, and really, I shouldn't have been allowed to see her since I wasn't immediate family, but Mrs. McGill insisited. She told the nurse I was her sister. Lorenzo waited outside with Mrs. McGill while I saw her. It wasn't the first time I'd seen Stacey in the hospital. When we were younger she landed herself in the hospital after straying from her strict diabetic diet. Not that I could entirely blame her, she had a lot going on at the time, and she had a moment of weakness. That was when I was thirteen, and I remember being completely scared at seeing my friend in such a weak state. That doesn't even compare to how I see her now.

She looks lifeless. Her head is bandaged up, and she has cuts and bruises all over her arms (and legs too I would imagine, but they are covered up by a thin white blanket). As car accidents go, I guess she could've looked worse, physically. But it isn't the bruises that worry me. It isn't the bandages covering a good part of her head. It's the fact that she looks like she is already dead. I wish Lorenzo could be there, holding my hand and keeping me steady, as I can feel my knees are going to give way. I sink into the overstuffed vinyl chair by her bed and placed my hand on hers.

I take a deep breath, already knowing my will would not overpower the tears that were threatening to break from my eyes. They tumble down my cheeks the instant I blink, and I don't bother to wipe them away.

"Hey," I say softly, not sure whether or not she can hear me. She doesn't move. Her eyelids don't flutter. The only noise that can be heard is the steady beep of the heart monitor machine. "I came as soon as I could." My shoulders are shaking, and I can't control the tears as they flow freely from my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Stacey," I whisper. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I should've been a better friend to you. I shouldn't have let my anger get in the way. It wasn't worth it. I'd rather have you back here with me. Please come back," I plead, as if that will magically make her eyelids open. Nothing.

My shoulders slump, and I tighten my grip on her hand. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I upset you by telling your mom. I was just so worried about you. You weren't yourself. I'll tell you something though," I say, suddenly remembering our lunch. "There was a moment at your final lunch, when Dan was telling you what a great employee you were. There was this moment where it looked like the old Stacey was back. I can't explain it, but it was just this life that I saw suddenly lighten up your eyes. I'll never forget that. And I know that you still have that life in you, Stace. I know you do," I lean forward then, my face streaked in tears and my nose starting to run. "You have to wake up for us, because we still need you here. Your mom still needs you and I…I still need you." My voice comes out gurgled at the end, as the sobs take over my body, causing me to heave up and down.

I hear the door open, and Mrs. McGill enters. She looks competely pale, almost ghostly. "Mary Anne, I'm sorry, but we have to wait outside now."

I nod woodenly, then slowly get up, realizing after that I'm still clutching Stacey's hand. I release my grip, then finally wipe my face with the back of my hand. Mrs. McGill puts her arm around my shoulders and we walk back out into the waiting room where Lorenzo is sitting absently looking through _Time_ magazine. I'm not even sure if he knows what he's reading. He tosses the magazine aside as soon as he sees me, and takes my hand.

"Mary Anne, there's something else you should know," Mrs. McGill says slowly. She looks at Lorenzo, who nods, as if prodding her to go on. I glance back and forth between them, wondering what he knows that I don't.

"What is it?" I ask her softly.

"Stacey wasn't driving alone."

It takes a moment for her words to register. But then I instantly know what she means. "You mean…Logan was with her?"

She nods. "I called his mother before I called you. He's in better shape than Stacey, meaning he's not in ICU. He's downstairs, if you want to see him."

I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of me. I remember Stacey telling me about her plans for the weekend. They were supposed to go out to dinner tonight. Suddenly, a horrible thought occurs to me. What if Stacey had too much to drink?

"Mrs. McGill, who was driving?"

"Logan. They were in his car."

For some reason I breathe a sigh of relief. Logan wouldn't ever drive drunk. I glance outside at the rain pounding on the window. The rain must've made him lose control. A horrible image fills my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut to try and rid it from my brain.

"Mary Anne, I can go down with you if you want," Lorenzo says then, shattering my thoughts. He places a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm going to go get some coffee," Mrs. McGill says. "I'm not going anywere tonight, but Mary Anne, you should get on home after you see Logan. I promise I will call you if I get any news."

I shake my head forcefully. "No, I'm staying here. If I go home I won't sleep. I'd rather be here." I say it simply and don't give her a chance to protest.

"Okay, then I'll see you soon." Mrs. McGill starts down the hallway toward the elevator.

"Let's sit for a minute," Lorenzo tells me, guiding me to the chairs. "I think you need to clear your head before you go to see Logan."

I follow him and sit down on one of the hard plastic chairs. Mine is bright orange, Lorenzo's is yellow. "Mrs. McGill told me there was a lot of internal bleeding," Lorenzo says slowly, his face looking pained. "Mary Anne, I just want you to know. She didn't sound too optimistic. She told me the doctors were worried she wasn't going to make it."

I stare at him blankly, his words not seeming to make sense. "She'll make it," I tell him defiantly. "She will. She's stronger than this." My voices starts to shake again, and I know that tears will soon follow.

"I know, Mary Anne."

We sit there in silence for what seems like forever until Mrs. McGill returns with her coffee. She looks exhausted, and almost as if she's aged ten years in one night.

Lorenzo and I leave her and take the elevator to the floor below. I walk up to the nurse behind the desk and ask her where Logan Bruno is.

"Visiting hours are almost over," she informs us. "But you still have a few minutes left. He's in room three nineteen. Only one at a time, please."

"I'll be right here," Lorenzo says, pointing to the waiting room.

"Mary Anne!" Mr. Bruno exclaims, rising from his seat in the room. Hunter is seated next to him, looking bored as he watches TV.

"Hi, Mr. Bruno," I reply awkwardly. I'm not sure whether or not I should give him a hug. Lorenzo, luckily, steps in.

"Hi, I'm Lorenzo Forelli, Mary Anne's boyfriend. We were upstairs visiting Stacey. I hope you don't mind, but Mary Anne wanted to see Logan."

Mr. Bruno appears a little taken aback. "No, of – of course not. Mary Anne was like another daughter to us," he says, smiling at me warmly. "My wife is in there, but go ahead and let her know you'd like to see Logan."

I walk inside the room, where Logan is sitting in an upright position. Aside from a few obvious cuts and bruises he appears okay. His eyes nearly bulge out of is head when he sees me. "Mary Anne," he says, sounding incredulous.

Mrs. Bruno whips her head around at the sound of my name. She looks happy to see me. "Hello, darling," she says, kissing my cheek. "It's so nice to see you. I assume you were upstairs with Stacey? How is she?" she asks, her forehead wrinkling in concern.

"Fine," I answer, even though I know it's not true. "She's not awake," I amend, "but hopefully she'll be okay."

"I can't imagine what Maureen must be going through. When she called…I mean, it's every parent's worst nightmare to receive a call like that. She's such a strong woman. I'll be praying for Stacey. To think what could've happened…" she lets her voice trail off. Her eyes well up with tears.

"Mom, please don't cry again," Logan says from the bed, holding his hand over his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone to talk before that nurse reprimands us for having two people in this room." She makes an attempt to smile, but her eyes are sad.

The room is completely silent once she leaves. Logan looks at me with yearning in his eyes. "I'm glad you came to see me," he says softly, smiling.

I sit in the chair on the side of his bed and take his hand. "Of course I did. What's in the past is in the past. What matters now is making sure you both get out of here."

Logan's smile fades. "Mary Anne," he says in a choked whisper. "Please tell me Stacey's okay."

"I can't," I say helplessly. "I guess there's a lot of internal bleeding, and it seems serious." Tears fill my eyes before I can continue. I close my eyes and try to imagine Stacey's happy moment at lunch, hoping with all my might that I can see a moment like that again. "What happened?" I ask Logan.

Logan takes a deep breath. "We went out to dinner," he begins, "and I was driving us back home. The rain was really coming down, and the roads were slick."

"Had you been drinking?" I interject, unable to contain my worries.

Logan shook his head. "Neither of us had," he assures me. "Anyway, we were coming across this dark road, and I…just lost control. I don't know how it happened, it all seemed so fast. The last thing I remember is a pair of headlights coming at us." He closes his eyes briefly. His voice is starting to shake. "The car hit on the passenger side. I escaped with a few cuts and some bruised ribs, but Stacey…" he starts to cry then, and my heart breaks at the sound of the pain in his voice. "Mary Anne, I can never forgive myself if anything happens to her. I just want her to be okay," he says, breaking down.

"Listen," I say as soothingly as possible. "This was no one's fault. You can't blame yourself. Stacey will be fine, I'm sure of it." I hear my own voice filled with doubt.

The nurse comes in then. "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over. I'm going to have to ask you to go outside. He needs his rest. I'll give you a moment to say goodbye."

"Are you just staying overnight?" I ask.

Logan nods. "They want to keep me here for observation. Make sure nothing else is really wrong. I should be home by tomorrow afternoon."

"We'll stop by to see you," I say, standing up. "Remember what I said, Logan. This was no one's fault. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Good night, Mary Anne." Logan says, grimacing as he shifts in the bed.

I follow the nurse outside and straight into Lorenzo's arms. "How is he?" Lorenzo asks.

"Few bruised ribs, but otherwise okay," I reply, looking around the room. "Where are the Brunos?"

"They went home. They're going to be back first thing in the morning though."

"We should get back upstairs," I say. "See if there's any news."

I know Lorenzo doesn't want me to get my hopes too high, and he doesn't say anything. He just follows me to the elevator which we take back up to the fourth floor.

Mrs. McGill is in the waiting room, sipping her coffee and staring around the room. She looks restless. Her eyes rest on us and she gets up from her seat. "Is Logan okay?"

I nod. "He's going home tomorrow. Just a few bruised ribs."

"Well, that's good. I haven't heard anything yet. No news is good news, I guess," she says, forcing a smile on her face even though she looks like she's going to start crying.

We take seats next to her and sit quietly. I suddenly feel exhausted, even though we've only been at the hospital for no more than an hour. I lean back in my uncomfortable plastic chair and wait.

I feel a hand on my arm and I look up in surprise. "Thank you for coming, Mary Anne," Mrs. McGill says. "I know Stacey would want you here."

"It's not even a question," I reply. "Stacey is my best friend."

Mrs. McGill presses her lips together in a smile, then stares up at the TV screen. Beside me, Lorenzo has picked up the same _Time_ magazine he was looking at before. I glance around the room and grab a copy of _People_ magazine. No one is really focusing, I think everyone is just keeping themselves busy so we won't have to face the actual situation.

_Please let Stacey be okay_, I think silently. My eyes begin to water which causes the words on the page to blur together. I toss the magazine on the table and rest my head on Lorenzo's shoulder. _Please let Stacey be okay_.

I feel a sudden movement under my head and I get up and blink. I'm still in the waiting room. I must've fallen asleep. "What time is it?" I ask Lorenzo hoarsely.

"Almost one," he replies.

Mrs. McGill is still staring at the TV screen. Her eyes are wide, as if she's in a trance.

I excuse myself to use the bathroom. As I'm washing my hands I hear a lot of commotion outside. I hurry back to the waiting room. I see several doctors go into Stacey's room. "What's wrong?" I ask Mrs. McGill in a panic.

Her face is dead white. She doesn't respond. I look at Lorenzo, who appears perplexed.

I feel a rock forming in the pit of my stomach. I have an awful feeling that I can't shake. I start to pace up and down the length of the waiting room. "Mary Anne, you should really sit," Lorenzo says. "We'll know in a minute."

I sit back down. Mrs. McGill's eyes are darting back and forth wildly. After what seems like hours, a weary doctor comes down the hall headed right for us. "Are you the McGill family?" he asks solemnly.

I break down before I even know what he says. Mrs. McGill gets up to her feet shakily. "I'm Stacey's mother," she says, sounding hollow.

"I'm so sorry," he says. "We did everything we could. There was just too much internal damage." He wipes his forehead with his hand. "I'm sorry."

There were two things that truly stuck in my head about that awful night. One was seeing my lifeless friend in her hospital bed. The other was the anguished wail that came from Mrs. McGill after hearing that her only child was dead.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six **

"Mary Anne, please drink something," Lorenzo says, offering me a cup of hot tea.

I shake my head. Nothing seems real anymore. It doesn't seem like I'm sitting in our kitchen, knowing that I will never see Stacey again. It's not right. Things weren't supposed to end this way. Stacey was supposed to live, she wasn't supposed to die. She was too young, she still had so much to live for.

Suddenly I was mad. Not at anyone in particular. Just at life, and how unfair it seemed that my friend was taken from us without warning while murderers and rapists were still allowed to roam the world, inflicting pain on others with no regard or morals.

I guess I shouldn't really compare the two. I had so many emotions coursing through me I didn't know quite what to feel. I felt anger, grief, guilt, desperation, and sadness. I felt anger at myself, grief over the loss of my best friend, guilt over how we spent her last few days, desperation over the situation, and sadness for Mrs. McGill. I made an internal vow to help her out as much as I could with whatever planning she needed to do.

"Mary Anne?" Lorenzo's voice breaks through my reverie.

I shake my head again, my eyes welling up with tears. "I'm sorry," I say, my voice practically inaudible. "I'm not hungry…or thirsty."

Lorenzo eyes look downcast as he dumps the tea in the sink and rinses out the mug. It says "World's Greatest Dad" on it in block black letters. I think I gave it to my father for father's day when I was maybe eleven. He sits back down next to me and slowly creeps his fingers across the table until they brush mine ever so gently. It's almost as if he's afraid to touch me. Maybe for fear I will break down again.

"Mary Anne, why don't you try to get some rest," my father says, causing me to look up in surprise at the sound of his voice. I had almost forgotten he was there. He had fallen asleep in front of the TV, which was still blaring when we arrived back home. I'd never seen him do that before. He'd always shut things off so as not to "waste electricity."

He didn't ask questions when we walked in the door, it was painfully obvious what had happened. "Oh, Mary Anne. I'm so sorry," was all he said. That was all it took to trigger another batch of fresh tears.

"Dad, I don't think I'll be able to sleep," I say now, wearily.

My father frowns a little, but doesn't argue. "Well, I'm going to head upstairs. Please try to get her to sleep," he says to Lorenzo, before turning and shuffling his way out of the room. I hear his footsteps creaking on the stairs, followed by his door shutting.

"Do you want to watch TV?" Lorenzo asks, trying to sound upbeat.

My body is completely drained, but oddly I still feel wide awake. "I guess we can do that," I say, figuring maybe it's best to try and clear my head.

The TV helps doesn't help very much. It's the wee hours of the morning, and there isn't really much on but infomercials with bad actors. One claims "never shed a tear when chopping onions again!" while some perky blond woman jumps up and down as the "chef" explains the magic in the stainless steel blades that cause it to slice the onions with ease. I wonder if people ever really order these things at this hour.

"Tony, I have to say, I've _never_ seen something cut through onions so easily!" the woman chirps, slapping her hand to her face in exaggerated awe.

"You know, Julie, it's not just for onions either. You can chop all kinds of other vegetables. You can make salsa in a snap!" the guy exclaims, showing the finished salsa to an amazed audience.

In spite of everything, I can't help but smile. "These things are really cheesy aren't they?" I ask Lorenzo, who grins. After awhile I finally start to feel my eyelids droop. "I think I'm ready for bed now," I say, then noticing that Lorenzo's already fallen asleep. I get up and slowly slide his head under the pillow I'd brought down earlier, then cover him with my yellow blanket. I turn off the television and tiptoe as quietly as I can upstairs, although it's pretty much impossible to tiptoe in this house.

Once I'm in my bed, I feel the sleep take over me and I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that when I wake this will all have been some terrible nightmare.

* * *

How do you go about telling someone their friend is dead?

I'm outside of Kristy's house the next day, trying to gather the courage (and the right words) to break the news to Kristy. I also promised Mrs. McGill earlier I would make phone calls to all the members of the Baby-Sitters Club to let them know of Stacey's funeral. I'm hoping Kristy won't mind being my support during those calls.

I take a final deep breath, and knock on the door. Luckily, Kristy opens the door immediately even though I didn't tell her I was stopping by. The look on my face must be a dead giveaway. "Mary Anne, what's wrong?" she asks, looking alarmed.

I will myself not to cry just yet. "I have to talk to you. Can I come in?"

"Of course." She swings open the door and stands aside to let me pass.

I glance self consciously around the grand foyer. The house is uncharacteristically quiet. "Where is everyone?" I wonder.

"Sam's at a friend's house, Nannie's in her room, and the rest of the family went to a barbecue at the Papadakises," she replies, nodding her head across the street at their house. "I was going to head over there in a bit." She pauses. "Mary Anne, is everything okay? You look pale."

"Let's go to your room," I say, shakily.

Kristy looks at me questioningly but doesn't respond. I burst into tears as soon as I enter her room. "Mary Anne, I'm worried. Please just tell me what's wrong."

"It's Stacey," I choke out. "She was in a car accident last night."

Kristy's hand flies to her mouth and she gasps. "Oh my lord," she whispers. "She's going to be okay right?" she asks, her eyes misting, already knowing the answer.

I shake my head, the tears finally breaking free. "No," is all I can muster.

Kristy was never much of a crier, and I could probably count on my hand the number of times I have seen her cry. But in that moment we simply clutched hands as we cried over the loss of our friend.

When my tears have subsided, I squeeze Kristy's hand harder. "There's something else you need to know. Logan was with her, but he's okay."

Kristy's eyes widen. "Is he in the hospital?"

"Yes, but he'll be home this afternoon. I told him I would visit him."

"How's Mrs. McGill?"

"I spoke to her this morning. I think she's more in shock than anything else. But she's amazingly strong, I think she'll get through this. I told her I would call the other club members and let them know. I was hoping you could help me."

"Of course. I'll do anything I can to help," she responds, returning my hand squeeze. She grabs her cell phone from the top of her desk. "I have Claudia's cell number in here. I haven't spoken to her in ages, so I'm not sure if it's still good. Obviously you have Dawn's number. What about Mal and Jessi?" Good old Kristy, always ready to take charge of any situation.

"Actually, I think I know how we can reach Mallory. Byron works at the paper. I spoke to him when I had to place an ad in the paper to…" I let my voice trail off, realizing I almost said "to replace Stacey", which doesn't seem right to say now.

"Oh," says Kristy, sounding pleased and surprised at the same time. "Well maybe once we reach Mallory we'll be able to reach Jessi."

"I'll call Dawn first," I offer politely, even though my stomach has twisted into one gigantic knot. I haven't spoken to her in over a year. I hated having my first phone call to her being such terrible news, but I didn't really have any other choice.

"Use my phone," Kristy says, then quickly adds, "She may not pick up if she sees your cell phone number."

"Good thinking."

"Hello?" I didn't expect Dawn to answer so quickly. Common sense leaves my body momentarily and I almost hang up. "Hello?" she asks again.

"Hi, it's me," I say quickly. I realize after I probably should've at least said my name.

It doesn't matter. "Mary Anne?"

"Yes. I have to talk to you about something."

"What's going on? Is everything okay? We haven't…spoken in awhile." She sounds confused.

"I know. Unfortunately, this isn't a friendly call. I have some bad news," I say, already feeling my voice begin to waver. I would've thought my body would no longer have the moisture to produce more tears, but down they fall.

"Did something happen to Richard?" she asks, her voice suddenly dropping.

"No. It's Stacey."

"Is everything okay with her diabetes?" Her questions are throwing me, but I understand she's probably wondering why I'm calling her out of the blue.

"It's not her diabetes. She was in a car accident. She died last night," I blurt out. I bite my lip, wishing it hadn't come out in that way. I felt I was losing my nerve though, and it was the only way I could get through saying it without completely breaking down.

Dawn is silent on the other end. She's silent for so long that I actually pull the phone away from my ear and verify that there's still a connection. "I can't believe this," she whispers. "Oh, Mary Anne. I'm so sorry. For everything." Suddenly she's crying as I've never heard her cry before. "We shouldn't have let this be the reason why we started talking again. I'm on the next plane to Connecticut, okay?"

"Okay. Dawn, I'm sorry too," I blubber. "We can talk about everything when you get here okay?" I hang up, grip the phone tightly in my hand as I bend over, letting my hair spill over my face and letting the carpet catch my tears.

Kristy pats my back. "I'll call Claudia," she says quietly, gently taking the phone from my hand and tiptoeing out of the room.

I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. It seemed to be all too much to take. I knew I had to be strong, for Stacey's sake. Kristy returns several minutes later, her face still streaked with tears. "Claudia's taking the next train out. She was very upset, I was trying to calm her down."

I sigh. "Thanks Kristy. For helping."

She waves her hand, and hands her phone back to me. "Try to call Byron."

Byron sounds a little suspicious when I call and ask for Mallory's number without really any small talk. Luckily, he gives it to me without much fuss. "Tell her I said hi," he tells me. "My parents don't really like us talking to her."

"Okay," I reply, finding it strange that the Pikes would forbid the kids from talking to their own sister. While they may not have agreed with her life choice, it didn't make sense to separate them even further. I don't say any of this, I just punch in Mallory's number and hope that she answers.

"Hello?" a gruff voice answers.

"Um, hi is…Mallory there?" I realize I probably sound silly and briefly wonder if I dialed the wrong number by mistake.

"Yeah, hang on." I hear muffled noises followed by an incredibly loud, "MALLORY! SOME GIRL'S ON THE PHONE FOR YOU!"

Maybe this was the reason the Pikes weren't happy with why Mallory was getting married.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end doesn't sound like Mallory. At least, not the Mallory I remember. It sounds raspy and rough, the kind of voice you'd expect to hear from someone with a bad smoking habit.

"Hi Mal, it's Mary Anne!" I exclaim, trying too hard to sound cheerful.

"Mary Anne Spier?" she snorts. "How did you get my number?"

I feel stung, and completely unprepared for a quick response. "Byron gave it to me."

"Oh. What do you want?" She manages to sound extremely bored even though she just got on the phone. I must've been silent a second too long for her because she immediately follows up with a harsh, "Well?"

"Stacey died in a car accident last night," I tell her bluntly, figuring I probably better say it all at once before she hangs up on me.

"Oh." She doesn't offer anything else.

"I…thought you might want to know," I say carefully. "And I also wanted to let you know that the funeral will be on Wednesday. It would really mean a lot to Mrs. McGill if we were all there."

"Yeah, I'll have to check." She have to _check?_ "That totally sucks though."

If I still didn't feel so miserable I think I would've been in complete shock. What had happened to pratical, levelheaded Mallory?

"Yeah, I guess it does," I say, not really knowing how else to reply. "I guess I should get going. Hopefully I'll see you on Wednesday. Take care, Mallory."

"Yeah, sure. Later." She hangs up.

I stare at the phone, still kind of stunned but the conversation I just had. "Wow."

"What?" asks Kristy, shaking me from my shock.

I relay the conversation to her and her mouth drops open. "You're kidding!" she says. "Mallory said she's have to check?"

I nod. Suddenly remembering something, I smack my hand to my forehead. "I forgot to ask her if she knew Jessi's number!"

"To tell you the truth, I would gather they don't talk anymore. I wonder how else we can get a hold of Jessi."

"Well, they haven't moved as far as I know. I think I still have their number in my address book at home. It should still work," I say diplomatically.

"Duh," Kristy replies. "Actually, I have it too. It's in my desk somewhere." She rummages around for a minute before emerging triumphantly with and worn looking black address book. "Here it is!" She flips the pages and finds the Ramsey's number, and beings to dial.

"Hi, Mr. Ramsey? Hi, I don't know if you remember me but this is Kristy Thomas, former president of the Baby-Sitters Club."

I stifle a giggle. It's amazing how Kristy can always make herself sound so official.

"I've been fine," she says now. "And yourself? That's good. I was actually wondering if you would be able to give us some contact information for Jessi….We unfortunately lost a good friend yesterday, Stacey McGill. Yes, the one that lived in your house. A car accident….Yes, it's very sad, but I wanted to give her the funeral information….Thanks." She scribbles something down in her address book, says her goodbye to Mr. Ramsey, and hangs up. "He's really nice," she says, as she punches in Jessi's number.

Her conversation with Jessi is brief. Actually, it's a voice mail. Kristy leaves her number for her to call back and hangs up, sighing as she sits back against her pillows. It's quiet, as we're both lost in our own thoughts, no doubt ones that involve Stacey and trying to wrap our brains around the fact that we'll never see our friend again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

The sky is gray and overcast. There are dark clouds that fill the sky, clouds that threaten a torrential downpour could occur at any moment. It's the kind of weather that matches the mood you'd be in when heading to a funeral.

I put on a plain black dress and black flats, then pull my hair back into a simple ponytail. I don't bother to put on makeup. There are dark circles that rim my eyes from the overall lack of sleep I've had over the past few days, but it all seems insignificant today.

Oddly, I feel extremely calm. I feel as if my body has already gone through four of the five stages of death, and right now I'm at acceptance. There's nothing left to do but to keep moving forward.

I hear a knock downstairs and make my way slowly to answer the door. Lorenzo is standing outside wearing black pants with a long sleeved button down black shirt and a black tie. "Ready?" he asks, and in response, I step outside and lock the door behind me.

It had been difficult for me to request the day off today. I wasn't sure how to say the news, even though I'd already had to break it several times. Once I told Dan my reason he actually closed the entire office for a few hours so that everyone could attend the funeral if they so chose.

The drive to the cemetary is quiet. Lorenzo keeps his hand over mine the entire time, but we don't speak. I stare out the window, biting my lip, and watching the dark sky as it looms ominously overhead. I realize I forgot to bring an umbrella.

We arrive at the cemetary and park in front of the church that's located just beyond the entrance. Lorenzo places his hand on the small of my back and guides me into the church, as he probably sensed the wobbling in my knees. Inside there is table with a white linen tablecloth. On the table are several boxes of tissues and a guest book to sign in. My hand is shaking so badly my name is nearly illegible. There are two giant posterboards that rest on a wooden stand. I had helped Mrs. McGill put together a collage full of pictures of Stacey.

I stop in front of one of the posterboards touch one of the pictures. It was taken at a surprise party we had thrown for Stacey when she had learned she had to move back to New York because her father had been transferred at his job. We had organized a really spectacular party, complete with games, contests, and a giant mural our baby-sitting charges had made to remind Stacey of Stoneybrook. The picture was of the five of us: me, Kristy, Dawn, Claudia, and Stacey, each holding up a section of the mural.

I stare at the picture until I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You need a minute before we go in?" Lorenzo asks softly.

I shake my head and we make our way into the church. There aren't too many people there yet. Dawn had flown in on Monday, but had opted to stay in local motel. I didn't question her decision. There was a lot of pain contained in that house, a lot of hard times that still remained within its walls. She had even gotten a rental car and told us she would drive to the funeral herself. We'd had a long conversation that evening, that included lots of tears and "I'm sorrys". It was amazing how silly everything we had been driven apart for seemed in comparison to what we were now trying to cope with. It shouldn't take death to put things in perspective.

At the end of the long hallway, in the center of the altar, lies Stacey's casket. It's an open casket, with picture of Stacey propped up beside it on a table filled with flowers. Several other bouquets and wreaths of flowers are around the casket. I notice Mrs. McGill standing at the front of the church, talking to the pastor. She notices me and excuses herself. She also appears somewhat calm as she heads towards me.

"Hello, Mary Anne. Hello, Lorenzo," she greets us warmly, taking my hands in hers. "Thank you so much for everything you've done."

"Your welcome," I tell her.

At that moment someone I am not familiar with taps Mrs. McGill on the shoulder and offers their condolences. I choose that moment to take my seat in the third row of pews. The first two rows are reserved for immediate family.

It's not long before other members of the Baby-Sitters Club arrive. Kristy is first, followed by Dawn, then Claudia, and Jessi. Mallory has still not shown up. There's lots of hugging as we exclaim over how everyone has changed. Any tension or bitterness that may have existed immediately melts away.

Claudia grabs Kristy by the arm. "Kristy! Your hair looks great!"

Kristy actually blushes. Yes, _blushes_. "Thanks," she mumbles sheepishly.

"Kristy, when did you get so tan?" Dawn asks, tugging Kristy by the other arm.

"Ever since I moved to a place where the sun actually shines for more than three months a year," Kristy counters, which causes us all to giggle.

"Mary Anne, do you know if Mallory is coming?" asks Jessi quietly.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I had a rather weird conversation with her. I didn't get a definite answer from her."

Jessi merely nods. "Claudia, how's FIT?" she asks, in an obvious attempt to get her mind off her former friend.

"Fine," Claudia answers. "I actually made my outfit today." I take in Claudia's outfit: it's not as wild as some of the things I've seen her in, but it's still something I know I would never be able to pull off. She's wearing a black off the shoulder top with pressed black slacks and what appear to be black high top sneakers.

She must notice the confused look on my face, because she immediately says, "It's a dedication to the outfit I was wearing when I met Stacey. I stepped on her notebook and we both noticed we were wearing similar outfits."

The rest of us smile appreciatively, and I thought it was really sweet of Claudia to wear something that had such a personal meaning. I reach out and pat her arm. "You look great," I tell her. "Stacey would love it."

"Thanks," she says, looking very pleased.

"So Jessi, how's Julliard?" Dawn asks.

"Great!" Jessi's face lights up for the first time. "My teachers are all amazing. I mean, they're just so talented. We all kind of hope that we can come out of this and get to do the things they have done." Her eyes continue to shine.

Jessi's happiness is short lived, because Mallory chooses that moment to saunter up to us. She's wearing a brown plaid pants and a dark green shirt that doesn't exactly match her pants. Her red hair is straightened, but still looks frizzy. It's pulled back in a thick ponytail that threatens to snap the elastic it's secured by. She's accompanied by a man that looks much older, wearing wrinkled khakis and a wrinkled dark blue shirt with no tie. I know there's no law that states you have to wear black to a funeral, but among all the other people dressed in blacks and dark grays they truly stand out. I try and keep my eyeballs in my sockets and force a bright smile.

"Hey Mallory!" I exclaim. "I'm glad you could make it."

"Yeah, but it was real pain in the ass for Stan to get the day off so we could be here," she grumbles in response. She yawns and places a hand over her mouth, and it's then that I notice the tiny diamond on a silver band on her fourth finger.

Kristy notices it, too. "Wow, Mallory I didn't know you were getting married. Congratulations! So how did you guys meet?"

"School," Mallory says immediately, so quickly I instantly know it's a lie. No wonder the Pikes are having a hard time with it, especially if they had ever met Stan.

Stan slides an arm around Mallory's waist and pulls her closer to him. "That's right. I met my little firecracker while she was wandering around the campus."

They both laugh, and I glance at Dawn, who looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. Mallory makes no motion to introduce Stan to the rest of us, so after a moment of awkwardness we all sit down. Mallory and Stan head to the back of the church while the rest of us sit in the pew where Lorenzo is still sitting, waiting patiently.

I take a moment to introduce him to the rest of the club. He's pleasant, and even asks them questions based on the little bits and pieces I had told him about each of them. I stand there with pride, and realize how lucky I am to have such a great, supportive guy.

The service begins soon after. The pastor steps up to the podium and begins in a loud, clear voice. "We are here, not to mourn the loss of Anastasia Elizabeth McGill, but rather to remember the wonderful life she led."

I look around the church and notice Stacey's father, who must've arrived during our little reunion, sitting in the first pew next to Mrs. McGill. He has his head bent down, and a pretty young blond woman is patting his back affectionately. Mrs. McGill is staring straight ahead, her eyes completely fixed on the casket.

I turn my attention back to the pastor. "…is what made Stacey who she was. She dealt with a disease that has unfortunately claimed many lives. Stacey faced the disease head on. She possessed a rare strength not commonly found in someone so young. She battled through such adversity, and it makes her untimely end all the more tragic. But let us not have anger as to why her life came to such an abrupt end. Let us remember that the Lord has plans for all of us, and her time is now with him." He speaks for a few moments more, but all I can imagine is what must've gone through her mind at the moment of the accident. The thoughts that swirled through her head as the car careened out of control, or how scared she probably was just before the other car hit.

I shake my head, trying to erase the horrifying images from my mind. The pastor then asks for those who cared and loved Stacey to come up and say a few words. There's some shuffling, and then a woman I don't know gets up and walks up to the microphone. She adjusts it down to her level, which causes it to screech throughout the whole church. I think everyone simultaneously winces.

"Sorry," she says quietly. She clears her throat and swallows several times before continuing. "I was Stacey's aunt._ Am_ her aunt," she corrects herself quickly. She swallows again and bites her lip, which even from where I sit I can see is trembling. "Stacey had an unexplicable radiance that came from within her. Wherever she went, she just had a presence. Her smile could light up any room, and she had one of the warmest hearts of anyone I knew. She went through a lot as a teen, but through it all she still remained as sweet as when she was a little girl." Her voices cracks and she starts to cry right there at the podium. She trys to regain her composure. "Stacey was a wonderful niece," she wails. "We will all miss her terribly." She steps down, still crying as another man gets up and comforts her as he leads her back to her seat.

I don't even notice that I've started crying until I bite my lip and taste the salty tears. I glance down the pew. Kristy's eyes are very bright, but she's not crying. Claudia is sobbing, the tissue in her hand already shredded to bits. Dawn has two black streaks running down her face, and Jessi is looking down at her lap, sniffling.

There's another moment of silence as the pastor asks if anyone else cares to speak. It surprises me when Claudia steps up to the podium. She's still crying, but her tears have somewhat subsided. "Stacey and I met back in seventh grade," she says slowly. "We hit it off right from the start. Well, we hit it off after she realized that she didn't want to punch the person who stepped on her notebook because she dressed so much like her." Light laughter ripples through the audience. "She had this toughness about her, but you you instantly see that there was a sweetness there too. She was a great friend. She was my confidant. Before I met her I sometimes felt out of place. I sometimes wondered if it was fate that she came along at the time when I felt the loneliest. I knew that were were going to be best friends, and we were." She starts to tear up, and I know she's thinking of the few precious years they lost when they drifted apart. She looks like she wants to say something more, but instead she steps away and sits back down.

A few more people come up to say their own words, and then the pastor allows people to come up to the casket to pay their final respects.

I stand behind Kristy in line, my heart hammering in my chest. I'm not quite sure what to expect. I don't know if I want to look. My turn arrives at I glance quickly inside the casket. Stacey looks…well, like she used to. Her hair is done, and she has on makeup. Her hands are neatly folded on her stomach, and she has a serene look on her face. I smile at her, wondering if wherever she is, she's smiling back.

* * *

After the burial, the members of the Baby-Sitters Club gather at the McGill's house. It always seemed odd to me to have a reception after a funeral. I can't really explain why. Maybe because it almost seems like a party. I had helped Mrs. McGill order some premade platters from the supermarket, and she had called a local chicken place to cater the rest. A large rotisserie chicken sat on the table, along with a glazed ham that was dotted with pineapples, cherries, and cloves. There were some vegetable sides and rice, mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese. There were two cheese platters and a vegetable platter with dip. At the end of the table was an enormous fruit salad. I think Mrs. McGill had made that on her own.

Despite the feast, I'm not the least bit hungry. Not wanting to cause any concern, I place a few crackers and some slices of cheese on a napkin and join the rest of the club members who are huddled together in the corner of the McGill's living room.

"You did a great job, Claud," Kristy was saying. "I think what you said was just right." She's balancing a plate of vegetables and dip in one hand, and a plastic cup filled with cola in the other.

"Hey there," Lorenzo whispers to me. I smile at him. He nods over to the other side of the room. "Logan's coming over here."

I hadn't remembered seeing him at the funeral. My heart sank as I watch him walk over to our group. He looks like a zombie, and I feel terrible for him. It looked as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Hey guys," he says hoarsely, stopping to nod to everyone individually.

I hadn't really told too many people the full details of the accident or about Stacey and Logan, except for Dawn and Kristy. I don't even think Claudia or the others knew that they were an item, or that they had been driving in the same car that fateful night.

Logan, however, apparently came over to do just that. "I'm not sure if you all know," he begins. "But Stacey and I were together at the time of the crash." His gaze lands on me, and I nod at him to continue. While he talks I look around. Kristy and Dawn of course, are listening politely even though they know the story. Claudia, on the other hand, looks mildly horrified, as does Jessi. It's then that I notice Mallory is nowhere to be found. I scan the living room and don't see either her or Stan and I figure they probably left immediately after the burial. I clearly remember seeing her standing across from me at the burial, looking stone faced as they lowered Stacey into the ground. (Thankfully, it hadn't rained.) She hadn't spoken to any of us while there, and stood with Stan on the opposite side of where the Baby-Sitters Club stood.

I did worry about Mallory, but my thoughts were so consumed with Stacey I didn't have much in me left to really think about what she was going through, although it seemed obvious she wasn't headed on the best path.

As if reading my mind, Kristy abruptly asks, "Where Mal?"

There's murmurs among us as everyone looks around for her. "I think I saw her leave after the burial," Jessi says sadly. Her eyes are misty, and I'm not sure if the tears are for Stacey or Mallory. Dawn pats her arm comfortingly and Jessi smiles at her gratefully. Next to her, Kristy is consoling Claudia, who has begun to cry again.

It's sad that it took such a tragic event to bring us back together. As I glance at my friends' faces I realize I don't want to lose touch with any of them ever again. Friendships are so important, and once you find a true one it should be valued. Often times it seems we let silly things cloud our judgement so much that they cause rifts than can never be fixed. But is it really worth it? Is it worth losing a friend over? I could never take back the things that happened during the last few days I saw Stacey, but I realize then that it's not the past we should dwell on. It's looking towards the future, and taking the hard lessons learned and applying them into making yourself a better person.

Even though Stacey may not have known it, that day she did something I didn't think was possible: She brought the Baby-Sitters Club back together again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Going back to work on Thursday is painfully awkward. Becky draws me into a big hug as soon as I walk through the door, and as we pull apart I can see fresh tears have pooled at the corners of her bright blue eyes. "The service was beautiful," she says. "Dad had me send a huge bouquet on behalf of the company."

"That was nice of him," I say softly. "I'm sure Stacey would've loved it."

Becky shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. "It just seems weird to talk about her in past tense," she says. "It doesn't seem right."

"I know," I reply. "Believe me, it still hasn't really sunk in yet."

I head to my desk, doing a quick double take as I pass Stacey's old desk. Kate is in there, seated next to an older woman as she explains the process of running checks. "Okay, so now you're going to go ahead and select all of those invoices. Now press okay...and that's it. We'll do the same thing with the next one."

I don't realize I'm standing there staring until Kate looks up and notices me. "Good morning, Mary Anne," she says, regarding me with somber eyes. "How are you?" she asks, her voice filled with motherly concern.

"I'm okay," I say honestly. "It's a little weird to be here, though."

"I understand," she tells me, looking like she wants to add something more. Instead she casts a sideway glance to the woman seated next to her. "Mary Anne, this is Helen Forrester. She's our new accounts payable specialist."

I extend my hand and give Helen's a firm shake. Her hands are soft and warm, and I am able to get my first real look at her. She has dark brown hair with a few wispy grays that falls to her shoulders in big curls. Her face looks kind, with huge brown eyes that appear to twinkle in the light, and slight creases around the corners of them. Her face breaks into a wide smile as she maintains the strength of my handshake and looks me directly in the eye. "It's nice to meet you, Mary Anne," she says in a voice much deeper than you'd expect to come from such a gentle looking woman.

"Likewise," I say, returning her smile but still feeling an odd twisting in my stomach at the thought of meeting Stacey's replacement.

After some small talk I continue towards my desk. I haven't even turned my computer on before Dan pokes his head out of his office and asks to see me.

I sit down nervously as he shuts his door and leans far back in his leather chair. "I know this must be a difficult time for you, so I just want you to know, if at any time today you feel like you can't be here, just let me know. I really admire that you even came in, so feel free to take as much time as you need."

I feel a surge of tears coming, but I force it back. My throat tightens until I almost feel as if I can't breathe. "I'm okay Dan," I say hesistantly. "I appreciate it, and I will definitely take that into consideration. It is a little strange to be back, so maybe I'll leave a little early if it starts to get to me too much."

He looks at me for a long time. "It was a lovely service," he says finally. "Mrs. McGill is an extremely strong woman. I could see where Stacey got her determination from."

I smile. "They were very much alike." It's all I can really think to say. Maybe I haven't gone through all the stages of death as I'd previously thought. I still feel the tiniest bit of denial, as if this is all some terrible dream that I'll eventually wake from. Then I'll go to work the next day and share the vividness of it all with Stacey.

I try and shake those thoughts from my mind and tell myself to focus. I still have a whole day to get through, and I didn't want to start it by upsetting myself so early. I had to admit I felt some relief that there was no pressure to complete the day. I also knew there would be a lot of sympathetic glances that would be cast in my direction that day, and the hushed whispers of how I was holding up. I reminded myself to try and just get through my work, and to not let all of that rattle me.

Once I've finally started my computer I busy myself trying to catch up on my work. Naturally, I'd fallen behind even though I'd only missed one day. The days leading up to Stacey's funeral I might as well have stayed home for all the work I got done. The morning flies by rather quickly once my mind gets into work mode, and when I finally look up to stretch I realize it's half past eleven and I hadn't even remembered to take my break. I extend my arms high over my head, and hear a crack coming from the vicinity of my elbow. I can feel a rumble in my stomach and push my chair back, wondering if Lorenzo will want to go to an early lunch.

I'm about halfway to his desk when I realize there's someone I want to see for lunch much more. I hastily send Lorenzo a text message letting him know of my plans. Our lunches aren't really set in stone anymore, it's kind of just assumed we'll eat with each other. I know he'll understand if I don't eat with him today, and as soon as he lets me know he'll eat with the other sales guys I hurry out to my car.

* * *

Ten minutes later, I'm standing outside of room 303. Dawn had rented a silver Ford Focus, and I was pleased to see it in the parking lot of the Stoneybrook Inn. I hadn't called to tell her I wanted to see her for lunch, and suddenly I felt a twinge of regret.

Dawn opens the door, still dressed in her pajamas, and clearly not expecting guests. Her face looks abnormally pale and her white blond hair is in a gigantic ball of tangles in the back of her head. She's cluthing a cigarette in one hand, which she drops in the apparent shock at seeing me on the other side of her door.

"Mary Anne!" she exclaims. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry to come by so unexpectedly," I apologize. "I should've called first. I just realized we haven't really hung out since you came out, and I didn't know if you wanted to go to lunch today."

Dawn puts her cigarette out with her slippered foot and ushers me inside. "Yeah, sure. I look like a mess though. Give me five minutes?"

I nod and perch myself on the unmade bed while Dawn rushes into the bathroom. After a moment I hear the running of the shower and I absently pick at the green and pink flowered bedspread. I stare at the television, which is set to some soap opera. I try and focus, but all I see is a blur. Luckily, Dawn stays true to her word and comes out of the bathroom dressed in faded blue jeans and an ice blue tank top. She's brushed her hair and thrown it in a high ponytail.

"Okay, I'm ready. Let me just get my tennis shoes from under the bed," she says, crouching down and squinting as she pulls her shoes out. "Where did you want to go?" she asks while we're walking to my car.

"Rosebud is probably the quickest, since we have less than an hour."

Dawn shrugs in agreement, and slides into the passenger seat. "So what do you think of Mallory and her fiance?" she asks after a few minutes of silence.

"It's weird," I reply. "I don't think she really met him at school, for one. Also, I'm pretty sure the Pikes don't know the whole story with her, especially since all the kids are forbidden to talk to her."

Her eyes widen. "Really?" she asks incredulously. "Wow, he must've really given them a bad impression. Not that I blame them, he did seem kind of…I don't know." She glances at me. "Dirty, I guess. I can't help but feel a little bad for Mallory, you know?"

"I do, too," I agree. "I wonder if this is maybe the first guy she's been really serious with. I mean, I know she kept claiming Ben Hobart was her 'sort-of boyfriend' for about five years, but I wonder if maybe she was at a low point self-esteem wise when he eventually started dating someone else. Then this guy comes around, pays some attention to her, and she immediately assumes he's the one for her."

"You're probably right," Dawn says. "That sounds like Mallory, unfortunately."

I pull into the parking lot of the Rosebud. "I just think it's sad that she doesn't seem to mind not having contact with her family, or even Jessi."

"Logan doesn't still work here, does he?" Dawn asks, looking around somewhat self-consciously as we step into the restaurant.

I giggle. "No. He did for awhile, though. Believe it or not, he's working as a chef at Chez Maurice."

Dawn raised her eyebrows. "Wow," is all she says.

I decide immediately on a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. I get these odd cravings for them every once in awhile, and no place makes it better than the Rosebud. Dawn orders a cobb salad with no bacon. Once the waiter has left, Dawn and I look around awkwardly, avoiding actually making eye contact with each other.

"So, Mary Anne, we haven't really talked about what happened with Logan and Lorenzo. I've been dying to know. How on earth did Logan end up with Stacey?" Dawn looks at me for the first time, her blue eyes wide with curiosity.

I take a deep breath and tell her the whole story from my first encounter with Lorenzo, to finding Logan and Stacey in bed together. I don't really feel ashamed of anything that's happened anymore, and I tell Dawn every last detail while we eat. By the time I've finished, Dawn is sitting there, looking completely dumbfounded.

As out waiter clears our plates, she speaks up timidly. "Can I ask you something?" she asks, and immediately follows up with, "but you promise you won't get mad?" Which of course is usually the type of thing you ask when you're about to say something offensive.

I shake my head warily.

"It's just something I kind of noticed while you were talking, that's all. I mean, in a way you're kind of like Mallory, only Logan was an actual boyfriend. Think about it, though. He was the first boy you liked, and you stayed with him for eight years. And you stayed with him during the time that a lot of people date around and figure out what they really want in a relationship. Then when you start to have problems with him, along comes Lorenzo and gives you the same attention that Mallory probably got. Now, you guys are together. Do you see any sort of similarity?" Dawn looks almost embarrassed.

I frown. I hadn't thought of comparing myself to Mallory. "I don't think so," I say slowly, still frowning. "I mean, I tried really hard to make it work with Logan. It wasn't like I hated being with him and was just looking for someone to come by so I'd have some excuse to leave him. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made when I decided to end our engagement. Also, Stacey had made it clear that she liked Lorenzo. I will admit I felt a little jealous, but I didn't purposely get in her way. I wouldn't have expected things would have ended up the way they did."

Dawn puts a hand on my arm at the same time our waiter comes by to drop our check off. He gives us a strange look that I ignore. I immediately pull out my credit card and give it to him before he can leave. "I didn't mean any offense," Dawn says, patting my arm.

I shake my head. "None taken. I know how it must look, but really, me ending up with Lorenzo was not something I actively pursued. It just sort of happened."

Dawn doesn't respond, but instead reaches into her purse and tries to hand me some money. "Don't worry about it," I say. "I know I surprised you by coming over, so at least let me pay."

After some argument, and after finally agreeing to let Dawn pay the tip, I drive her back to the Stoneybrook Inn. It's past twelve-thirty, and I'm already feeling a little panicked because I know I'm running late. "I'll call you tonight," I say as she unlocks the door. Then I race through the streets of Stoneybrook, her words still lingering in my head.

What if there was some truth to it all? What if I was feeling vulnerable and the moment someone paid me compliments I fell for them? I shook my head. No, I knew it was different with Lorenzo. He made me feel differently than I'd ever felt before. I couldn't deny the completely yearning I felt to be with him. We truly cared about each other, and I knew that our relationship was special. Still, it was something to think about.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

As the days go by, and it gets closer to the end of summer and the beginning of a new year for me at Stoneybrook University, I realize that soon Lorenzo and I have to have the talk that I've been dreading. I think he may realize it too, because every now and then we'll have a quiet moment where we just look into each other's eyes. His eyes always appear serious, as if he's deep in thought trying to formulate something to tell me, and trying to find the right words to do so.

I no longer worry about whether or not our relationship will continue, but I certainly worry about whether it will continue to remain as strong as it is now. I still have my insecurities, and I know that I will he will still be here, and I will be busy with school, and we won't see each other as much as we do, even being in the same town. I worry that he could find someone else in that time.

I try to tell myself that my preoccupations are silly and unfounded. Lorenzo has never given me any reason to think he would want to find someone else, and I know he loves me just as much as I love him. Maybe I don't want to admit to myself that Dawn's words hit me a lot harder than I expected them too.

So, after work one Friday afternoon, Lorenzo strolls up to my desk. We have plans to go to a local carnival that evening, and I had planned on spending the night at his house afterward. It would be the first time since my embarrassing drunken episode, and furthermore, my father actually new about it. He had seemed surprised when I first told him I wouldn't be home that night, but I hoped that at this point he didn't think I was still not doing certain things.

I had already packed an overnight bag, which sat by my desk. In it was a neatly folded pair of denim capris, and a black tank top. I also had packed my first real piece of lingerie. It was a pale purple nightie with a lacy trim that caused much blushing and awkwardness during its purchase. Hopefully the talk would go well. I had packed a regular pair of pajamas just in case.

"Ready, sweetie?" Lorenzo asks.

I nod as my computer shuts down. I call out to Dan that I'm leaving, and then he and I head out to our respective cars. "Are you excited about your first big sleepover?" he asks me, sliding his arm around my waist.

"Yes," I say honestly. "I can't wait."

"Well, I figured we could give each other facials. I also rented _Ghost_ because Patrick Swayze is such a babe, and I always cry at the end, don't you? Oh, and I want to tell about this totally cute guy in my math class!"

I crack up. "I hope you aren't serious about any of that."

"Aside from thinking Patrick Swayze is a babe, the rest was made up."

"Well, that's a relief. I don't know if I can date a guy that likes facials."

He smiles at me, and plants a kiss on my cheek. "I love you," he says.

My heart flutters, as it always does whenever I hear those words. It always feels nice to hear. It makes me feel more confident that things will go just fine this evening. "I love you too," I tell him.

Lorenzo follows me home, where I leave my car and then we drive together in his car to the carnival, which is set up in the huge parking lot of the church my father and I go to. "Have you talked to Dawn since she left?" he asks as we walk up to the ticket booth.

"I talked to her last night, actually." Dawn had remained in Stoneybrook for almost a week. On her last night, the three of us had gone out to dinner at Casa Grande, which was always one of her favorite restaurants.

"California is right above Mexico, and this is _still_ the best Mexican place I've ever been to," she had commented, which caused Lorenzo and I to laugh.

"See? Not everything's better in California," I'd teased her.

She had pulled me aside after we dropped her off at the Stoneybrook Inn. "Mary Anne, I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier this week about Lorenzo. Now that I've spent some time with him this week, I realize you two are a really great match."

I had given her a big hug and told her to call me when she was settled back in California, pleased that Lorenzo had made her change her mind. However, in the back of my mind her words still nagged at me. I couldn't help it, the seed had already been planted. Maybe if we hadn't gotten together under such unusual circumstances I would be more relaxed in our relationship. But the fact of the matter was that there was more hurt involved in our situation than most.

"So how is she doing? You guys a little more stable now?"

"I think we are," I say, holding out my hand to the man behind the ticket counter so he can stamp it. The stamp is of a blue elephant, whose relevance to the carnival we were at was questionable. Lorenzo hands me a long string of tickets. "We were talking about the possibility of me taking a trip out there next summer."

"That would be great!" Lorenzo exclaims. "I think that will be good for the two of you. Have you ever been out there before?"

I smile at the memory. "Once," I reply. "We had pooled our money together to buy some lottery tickets, and we won. Well, technically, Dawn's ticket won. We won like ten grand or something like that. So we used that money to fly out to California for two weeks. It was a blast."

"Wow! Isn't it illegal for you guys to play the lottery?"

"Sharon bought them," I explain.

Lorenzo nods and then tugs my arm excitedly. "Bumper cars!"

I giggle and follow him to the ride and hand the ticket person five tickets. We each get behind the seat of a car and I suddenly remember a not so good experience I had on the bumper cars when Kristy and I were younger. I try to back out and ride with Lorenzo, but at that moment the ride starts up and I am immediately slammed from behind by a small boy with a wild head of red hair.

"Hey…" I start, then realize it's the point of the ride.

Lorenzo slams me from the side, and then I finally jump to action and gather up enough speed to slam right back into him. We spend the rest of the ride slamming into each other, which makes me feel more exhilarated each time.

"I can't remember ever having so much fun on the bumper cars!" I exclaim, as we walk down the ramp towards the exit. The little red haired boy brushes past us to his waiting parents. "That little kid totally slammed into me!" I say, giggling.

We continue to walk past the games ("A ripoff," Lorenzo mutters) to the Hall of Mirrors. Several minutes and one bruised arm later, we are waiting in line for the gigantic Ferris Wheel. I glance up warily. "Do you think this is safe? I mean, you always hear those stories about traveling carnivals…"

"You rode the bumper cars just fine," Lorenzo points out.

"That one wasn't three hundred feet in the air."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you," he says fiercely, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"So you'll break my fall if we plummet to the ground?"

"Absolutely."

I think part of the reason I hate the Ferris Wheel is it takes so long to load the ride. Twenty minutes are wasted from the constant stopping and starting to let people on and off, then you go around maybe four times and suddenly the ride is over and you have to wait to be let off again. However, I figure it will be somewhat romantic to be at the top with Lorenzo, overlooking the whole carnival, so I hold his hand as we patiently wait for our turn in line.

After our glorious six spins on the Ferris Wheel (I actually made it a point to count) I convince Lorenzo to play one of the games with me. "These games are so rigged," he informs me. "I never win."

"Maybe that's just because you're not good at them," I tell him teasingly, as I give the man a dollar in exchange for three brightly colored balls.

As if to prove my point, I manage to get my ball in one of the red glasses amid a sea of plain clear ones. "We have a winner!" the man shouts.

I turn to Lorenzo, laughing. "I agree, they're totally rigged. I must be in on it." I point to a gigantic stuffed panda bear that is literally more than half my size.

"Well I'll be. My girlfriend won me a panda bear."

"Who says it's yours?" I ask innocently, smiling as I clutch the panda to my chest. Then I hand the panda to him. "Maybe this will change your mind about carnival games."

* * *

"I think I'll call him Boo," Lorenzo says as he places the panda on his bed. "Of course, I don't know how all three of us are going to fit on this bed tonight."

We were in Lorenzo's room after returning from the carnival. His words send shivers down my spine. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that I would be spending the night in his bed.

"I can sleep in the guest room if you guys want to be alone," I say coyly, giving him a playful shove.

"Yeah right."

Moments later, Boo has been tossed on top of the bed in the guest bedroom, and Lorenzo is kissing my neck in his room. "Lorenzo?" I ask timidly. It's now or never.

"Mmm?" he mumbles while still buried in my neck.

I pull away slightly. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

A wave of concern passes over Lorenzo's green eyes. "Is everything okay?" he asks, touching my arm. He furrows his brows. "Is this about Boo?" he demands in a mock serious tone.

I start to giggle, than catch myself. "No, this isn't about Boo. I actually wanted to ask you something kind of serious…about us."

The smile has disapperared from his face. "Okay, go on."

I take a deep breath. "It's nothing bad. At least, I hope it's not. I just wanted to see where you were at with me. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I know that summer's almost over and I'm going to be going back to school soon, and we won't get to see each other as much. I just want to make sure you're not treating this as a…" I let me voice trail off, unable to say the word without feeling embarrassed.

"Fling?" Lorenzo supplies, looking grim.

I nod, unable to look at him.

Lorenzo tilts my chin up to face him. "Hey," he says softly. "I don't want you to think that ever again. This is for real, okay?"

I glance at his face, which is set in a determined stare. "I don't want you to think that I'm being silly. I just was worried about where we would go from here."

"We will go exactly where we're going now. We'll continue to be together and get to know each other more. I'm serious about you, Mary Anne. This definitely is not a fling. In any case, I'm not that kind of guy. I care a lot about you, and I intend on staying with you until you get sick of me." He takes my hands in his and presses them to his lips. "I love you. I don't care if it hasn't been that long with us, I know what I feel and that's all I need to know."

Tears prick the corners of my eyes. "I could never get sick of you," I whisper.

"You might. I can be pretty annoying sometimes."

I smile, enjoying slipping back into our usual selves. "That's true. But I love you anyway." I pause. "Thanks."

Lorenzo shakes his head. "I don't need thanks, sweetie. I just don't want you to worry about us ever again. Barring an earthquake that will split the ground in the middle, I don't see anything coming between us."

"What about Boo?"

"He'll just have to realize my heart already belongs to someone else. Don't worry. I'll let him down gently. 'Course it will be awkward because he'll be living here, but I'll figure something out."

I laugh, then lean forward and kiss him. "I love how much you make me laugh."

"And you're not even looking at pictures of me when I'm doing it."

"Okay, funny guy, close your eyes. I have a surprise for you." I get up and take my overnight bag into the bathroom. I slip quickly out of my clothes and pull the nightie over my head. I take my hair out of its clip and brush it, letting it fall into gentle waves against my bare shoulders.

I stare at myself for a few minutes in the mirror, feeling almost naked. The silky material of the nightie barely brushes my skin. After a moments hesistation, I open the door.

"You can open your eyes now," I announce as I step back into the room.

Lorenzo looks momentarily taken aback as he gapes and looks me up and down. "Wow," he mutters. He shakes himself, as if he's waking from a dream. "You should've just put that on when we got here. Boo doesn't stand a chance now."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

"Hey Stacey."

I step up to the grave and feel an odd breeze rustle my hair. Maybe it's her way of say hi. I hadn't visited in awhile, and felt monstrously bad for not coming. Cemetaries always used to scare me, even when my dad would take me to visit my mom when I was little. I always felt like I was being watched, and I got a creepy feeling that was exremely unsettling. Probably just from being in place that's kind of creepy to begin with.

I had that same strange feeling the first time I came to visit Stacey. Lorenzo had offered to come with me, but I told him it was something I wanted to do by myself. He seemed to understand, and didn't really question it. Since then, I'd been making it a point to come by myself. I felt more comfortable that way.

As I kneel down in front of the grave I noticed another set of flowers in the circular holder in front of the tombstone. They are nearly dried out, so I pull them out and replace them with the fresh bouquet of daisies I brought with me.

"How've you been?" I ask. I remember asking my father what it was like what it was like visiting my mother, and he told me he would have a normal, quiet conversation with her. He would talk about whatever was going on in his life at the time, tell her how I was doing in school, and so on. It seemed like a reasonable approach to take.

"I've been making plans with Dawn to go down to California next summer," I continue. "So that should be nice. Maybe I'll try surfing for you…see what it was that got you so hooked." I laughed a little to myself at the memory.

I stare up at the sky, a brilliant blue with only a few scattered clouds. I can sense a slight chill in the air though, and it's clear that autumn is not too far away. It was always funny to me how the sky could be so blue in the winter, yet it would still be cold. You could look out your window and see promise, and were it not for the bare trees you could assume it was a beautiful spring day. Another breeze passes then, gently tousling my hair as it caresses my face.

I face the tombstone again. "Kristy's going back to Arizona on Sunday. I'm supposed to go there this afternoon to help her pack. She's actually going to get an on campus apartment with a teammate of hers. I'm going to miss her," I say honestly. "I'm glad we got to talk about our issues. It seems like this summer was all about reconcilation."

I bite my lip. I could feel the tears coming, and my throat tightened. "I miss you too. I hope you know that. I think about you every day, and I wonder if you're watching over us, over your mom. I still stop by your house every now and then, just to say hello."

I blink and feel a tear streak down my face. "I was worried about going back to school, did I tell you that? I just thought it would change things with Lorenzo. Turns out I was just being silly. Things are really great between us, Stace. I'm so happy with him."

I sigh, feeling a bit of a release. I spend a few more minutes with her in silence before turning to go.

* * *

"Seriously, Kristy do you really want to bring all this stuff with you?" I ask as I attempt to stuff a gigantic shoebox filled with old baseball cards and baseball card magazines (who even knew they made those?) into a large cardboard box. 

"Absolutely. I bet I've got some valuable ones in there. I just have to find time to sort through them. Besides, I've got an entire _apartment_ to fill now."

"Well, yes, but I don't think you're meant to fill it all out by yourself," I say, standing up to survey the mess and brush a stray strand of hair away from my face.

Kristy sticks her tongue out at me, and we both giggle. "I can't believe the summer's almost over," she says, sounding sad.

"What are you talking about? Where you're going it's summer all year long!"

"You know what I mean…just leaving home again. It's always hard."

"I understand. But as soon as you get back to Arizona I'm sure you'll be so excited to start training for softball season," I tell her.

"Oh, I know. Plus it'll be great to be see my friends out there and share our summer stories. I'll definitely miss you, though. I'm really glad we're talking again, Mary Anne." She smiles at me.

I return her smile. "Me too."

Kristy abruptly ends the sweet moment but jumping up, exclaiming, "Okay now I have to pee!" She makes a beeline for the bathroom.

I shake my head and get back to work. Kristy had told me jokingly, "Everything must go!" when I arrived at her house. "Everything" sure did include a lot of junk. I grab two old photo albums and place them on top of the shoebox, then cram in some old baseball mitts and a few baseballs. I tape the box shut, and neatly write BASEBALL ITEMS & PHOTOS on each side with a thick black marker that smells of paint thinner. I wrinkle my nose as I place the cap back on the marker and push the box against the wall.

Kristy rushes back in. "Much better!"

"Good to know," I tease her.

"Well I'm starved. Let's get a snack." She pulls my arm until I finally oblige and get up.

"Hey girls," Elizabeth greets us when we walk into the kitchen. Then to Kristy, she asks, "Are you almost all packed? You know we're leaving early tomorrow."

Elizabeth and Dave (id Michael, nope I still can't do it) were going to drive Kristy to Arizona since she had so much stuff. Watson and Elizabeth had bought Kristy some new furniture for her new place. I thought it was nice of them to make the long road trip.

"Yes, Mom. I'm almost done. Mary Anne's been a huge help. We just came down here to get something to eat, then we'll get right back to work."

Elizabeth smiles at me. "How are you, Mary Anne? Have you talked with Maureen lately?"

"I stop by and see her when I can. The last time I saw her was about a week ago. She's doing good, actually. She's just amazing the way she's handled everything."

"She sure is," Elizabeth says. "Well, I'll leave you girls alone." Before she leaves, she gives us each a fierce hug. "Sometimes you never realize to stop and enjoy the everyday people in your life."

"I know hearing about Stacey has made my going back a lot harder," Kristy comments as she opens the refrigerator. "Death makes you realize how precious life is, you know?"

I nod slowly. "I don't think any parent ever wants to outlive their child," I say softly.

Kristy looks thoughtful as she hands me a cold soda and grabs a bag of Doritos from the cupboard next to the refrigerator. She looks like she wants to add something, but instead she just says, "I think this trip with my mom will be good for us."

I put my hand on her arm. "Definitely."

* * *

"Mary Anne? Is that you?" 

"Yes, Dad." I answer as I unlock the door and let myself in.

"There's someone who's been waiting to see you," my father says, coming into the living room with Lorenzo behind him.

"Hey!" I exclaim. "Did we have plans today?" I ask in a sudden panic.

Lorenzo comes over and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "No, I just thought I'd surprise you."

"I'm sorry, I was helping Kristy pack. She's going back to Arizona tomorrow."

"Yeah, your dad told me. It's okay, he was actually showing me some old pictures of you. And I helped him make some dinner."

"Oh…okay," I say, somewhat surprised. "What are we having?"

"Tacos," my father answers. "We've got everything almost ready."

"Sounds great, I'm hungry. Kristy had a lot of stuff to pack up," I say, following them into the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

"I think we've got everything, Mary Anne," my father tells me. "Is Kristy all ready to go? Is she flying or driving?"

"Yes, she's ready. And they're driving out there. She gave me her new address, so we can keep in touch."

Lorenzo brings over a tray containing small bowls filled with chopped tomatoes and onions, and shredded lettuce and cheese. He then brings a container of sour cream and a large platter filled with warm taco shells. My father is right behind him with a bowl of of spicy looking ground beef and a bottle of soda. I remember my father not permitting me to drink soda when I was younger, convinced that it would rot my teeth. He preferred fruit juices instead. While it's still not his drink of choice, I'm glad he's loosened up enough to sometimes buy some for special occasions.

"Everything looks delicious," I say appreciatively as everything is set before me.

We all dig in, creating sloppy taco messes on our plates. Well, actually my father is pretty neat about it. I'm hungrier than I thought I was, and I feel somewhat guilty as I'm heading for my second taco when neither Lorenzo nor my father have finished their first.

"Wow, you're eating those things like a champ, honey," Lorenzo says playfully.

I grin, feeling greasy melted cheese slide down my chin. "I can't help it if you guys cooked such a fantastic meal."

After dinner, I offer to clean up and let my father and Lorenzo watch TV, which they happily take me up on. I wipe the table and stove down with a sponge and start on the mountain of dishes. I breathe a sigh of relief and toss my sponge in the empty sink when I'm finally done, then join the men in the living room.

Lorenzo kisses the end of my nose as I sit down next to him. "Thanks for cleaning up," he says. "Would you mind if we took a walk?"

"Sure, that sounds fine." I stand up. "Lorenzo and I are just going to go for a walk, if that's okay, Dad."

My father waves us away. "It's fine. I'm actually going to catch up on my reading."

The air is cool and breezy outside, so I run upstairs to grab a long sleeved shirt to slide on over my tank top. Lorenzo and I walk close together in silence for awhile before I break the ice. "Kinda cool tonight, isn't it?" I ask.

"Mmmm-hmmm," Lorenzo answers, his mind seeming a million miles away.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to have some alone time with you, that's all. It's starting to sink in, you know?"

"What is?"

"The fact that in about a week I'm going to walk into IMG and you won't be there," he says, looking sad.

It doesn't take much to trigger a cry in me. "I know," I whisper, feeling tears prick the corner of my eyes. "But like you said, we'll just continue to be together and get to know each other better."

"I'm not worried about that. I just hate that I'm not going to be able to see you every day. It's just going to take some getting used to."

"It's going to be hard," I agree, "but I know we'll get through it. I think we're going to be just fine, you and me."

We're both silent for a long time after that, just walking next to each other without a destination. The backs of our hands brush each other until Lorenzo takes my hand in his. "How've you been feeling about Stacey?" he asks out of the blue.

I'm just a tiny bit surprised he's brought her up, but I answer as honestly as possible. "Some days, I'm totally okay. When I went to visit her today I was fine. I told her about how great we were doing, and Kristy going back to Arizona. Just whatever I had going on. I almost felt like she was really listening. Other days, it's really tough. There's still occasions when I feel like this is some terrible nightmare. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real, especially at work. It's still a bit jarring to walk by Stacey's old desk and see Helen sitting there. Sometimes I want to ask her what she's doing there. Sometimes it's just hard to really accept the fact that I will never see her again. I guess that's the hardest thing about her death. There was no preparation, no notice. When it's sudden like that, you don't have time to make sure your last words were just right, or that you had no unresolved business. There's still a weight in my heart that will probably never go away since the terms we ended on were so strained. That's something I'll always live with."

As soon as I'm finished speaking I let out a huge breath. I realize how nice it feels to speak how I actually felt. This whole time I spent so much effort on being strong, and trying to be there for everyone that my emotions took a backseat. For the first time since I left the hospital, I feel completely weak. My shoulders sag a bit as Lorenzo catches me and puts his arm around my shoulder. I look at him sheepishly.

"You don't have to be afraid to be weak," he whispers. "Especially in your situation, I think it's expected. No one expects you to get through this on your own. That's what you have your family and friends for. You all help each other, and you have this giant support system. I'm here, too. I'll always be here."

I'm aware of finality of his words. Always. It was what I hoped our future would have in store for us. No one can ever say they know what life is going to throw at them. I would've never expected the summer to turn out as it did. No one could have predicted the ups and downs we all experienced. I remember feeling it was going to be an interesting summer, and it was, but not necessarily for the reasons I originally thought.

I was happy that I had found someone like Lorenzo. I felt like I was still such a meek person when I was with Logan, someone who still hadn't found her voice. That had all changed. Everything had changed. I knew that he had finally helped me find my true self, and for that, I would always be grateful to him.

I turn to Lorenzo. "We'll _always_ be here for each other. Come on, let's go home."

* * *

THE END 

A/N: Wow, I'm finished! This was such an amazing thing to actually be able to accomplish. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed, whether it was criticism or praise. They all helped me to make this story a better one, and they helped me grow as a writer. I would especially like to thank Drucilla Black, riverzma, followthestory, and Crunchy Crispies for being so consistent with their reviews. It's nice to have support like that from the very beginning! To everyone who enjoyed this story, I hope I was able to provide some geniune entertainment. This story was a joy to write, and it's nice to have what started out as an idea in my head actually make it to paper. I have more ideas in my head, including a story about Mallory since her situation seemed to cause a lot of intrigue. I have a great story for her that I would love to get started on, time willing. Anyway, I sound like Julia Roberts rambling at the Oscars so thanks to you all again! mel5224


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